Eating, showering, and in home care

mac9372

Good evening,

My mother snack’s endlessly but has recently stopped eating full meals regularly. She has also stopped changing clothes and showering lately. I know these things are common, but if anyone has tips or suggestions they can share to help with these things it would be greatly appreciated.

Also, we are looking in to some in-home care during the day to help my dad. If anyone has some advice on how they introduced this person into the home that would also be very helpful. I want to be prepared that my mom will not want or understand why this person is there.

Take good care everyone and thank you!

Farm Gal

My husband was totally resistant to people coming into our home but I told him it was for me.  They were housecleaners that the insurance is paying for because I need help.  I have had caregivers coming in for 3 years and he still asks what they are doing in the house.  

Not sure how you could turn this around to be a good answer for your mother.  I just keep reminding my husband that the help is free because the insurance is paying for it so I don't have to work so hard.

Good luck!

SusanB-dil

Hi mac  -

my MIL also has developed a 'different' eating schedule.  We just work with it - and make sure the snacks are healthy.  Dinnertime she eats just a little and often says she just isn't very hungry right now. Of course, it is because she just had an apple, or PBJ sandwich, and maybe an hour after she just had another, such as an orange, or whatever.  She just went to her PrimDoc last week, and she said she is fine (well, physically, anyway) and that as long as she is eating healthy, snacking instead of a big meal is ok.  In fact, she has what was for dinner, anyway - sometimes.

The in-home care we have - we've told her "We are helping her, as since covid, she has lost her job".  This is actually true, but this person has been a real blessing to us!  I see other times, that some folks say what FarmGal has said - that the person is helping them around the house and such.

Gisel

In 2018 mom was unable to walk without a walker, she had lost 15 lbs and had had a few falls, so the doctor suggested physical therapy to help her keep strength in her right arm and leg. She went on hospice in October 2018 but regained the lost weight 6 months later. Then I talked with mom's doctor about her situation in 2019 since she got so anxious about being in crowded places, such as hospital lobbies and he agreed to put her on community care so that the doctor and nurse could come out to the house. A big relief for both of us. But by July of this year she had lost so much weight, roughly 40 lbs lost since 2018, the doctor agreed to put her on hospice. Her current insurance covers in home doctor, nurse, and shower aid services. The doctor comes once a month, the nurse once a week, and the shower aid twice a week. Mom seems to benefit greatly from the added 'social' visits. Hope you can find the same for your folks or something similar.

MN Chickadee

Usually a therapeutic fib is the best way to introduce caregivers in the home. Maybe it's your friend who is down on hard times and we're paying her a little to help out, that's so generous of you mom. Maybe it's someone from church doing community service hours. Maybe it's a nursing student who needs to log hours with seniors for her degree and it's so nice of them to allow her to come to their home. Or a cleaning lady you hired as a birthday gift to mom. Find whatever will fly. She may not understand it for months or years, but a person with experience in dementia care will figure out how to run with it. Often we think our PWD needs a logical explanation but really sometimes they just need to feel comfortable and the details are less important. Your mom may come up with her own narrative about the person once she settles in, just roll with it. 

Regarding your other two questions - for meals she may need more oversight. She may need the food cut into manageable bites. She may need more time or to have someone sit with her from start to finish and prompt her a bit. Many find Ensure or a protein drink helps. Smaller but frequent snacks, smoothies, etc may be more appealing to her than large meals and I don't see any reason not to go with that. Making a deal out of snack time may help - set a lovely place setting, sit down with her, talk up the food you made. You will just have to find what tricks help. 

Bathing is hard. We had better luck with hired staff helping mom, she was very resistant to her spouse or children helping. Here is a link to a previous thread here about showering, if you scroll down you will see where I put some links to videos that may help. 

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147556013&boardid=77