What gives you a headache?

Cobalt

I swear at least every other day I get a pounding headache from all the drama and yelling that my son with EO has daily.  Today:

"You just fricasseed my brain!" Repeat 20 - 40 times. Not exaggerating. Loudly. Poor son just got shaved and a great shower from an extraordinary and patient caregiver. Life with Alzheimer's. Boy, do I have a headache now.

Do you have similar frequent headaches from stress in the home?

loveskitties

Would noise reduction ear phones (for you) help to at least get his outbursts to a level you can tolerate?

Just a thought.

mommyandme (m&m)

I do have really painful headaches sometimes.  I’ve blamed it on a probable spike in blood pressure, which isn’t a regular issue for me.  

I do not have a yeller, so far.  I’m thinking some music in those headphones or a book could be helpful too.  

RochelleHunt

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SusanB-dil

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Paris20

For me it’s the constant repetition involved in getting my husband to do any basic grooming. He won’t let me or his aide cut his nails, shave him, or get him out of bed to get dressed in the clothes I’ve laid out for him. I’m willing to let some things go for a day or two but there are times when he must be ready, for example, to be at a doctor’s appointment on time. I make his appointments later in the day but even then, he just stays in bed, staring at the ceiling. He is still able to do all these tasks but he is incapable of getting his rear in gear. These constant battles give me a headache several times each week.

StepByStep5473

I'm new to this shared space care giving. 

I had been working with my aunts and uncles for years to remotely care for my biological father and biological mother; each in separate states from each other and from family. 

Now father is living in the same neighborhood as his younger siblings who are keeping tabs. 

Mother's siblings are all gone but one. Mother is early onset, mid sixties, nonspecific diagnosis, living with me. The sibling is a little older w/ heart conditions. 

Mostly, things are going well. No yelling. Frequently, upset about "No One Bothered To Tell Me!" "I didn't know anything about it!" "I took care of xxx!" "No One Talks To Me!"(in angry indignant tones). about plans made with her, not for her, during joint meetings or calls, about plans to visit her sister, about her grandchildren coming over, about maintenance on the family property in far, far, away when something is brought up during a call, about being abandoned by everyone else even if we had a joint video call with loved ones fifteen minutes before hand or a text message or a letter. 

Recent blood work and MRI "look good" while this formerly brilliant, often cruel and manipulative, person is now typically kind, has difficulty comprehending a written sentence, often doesn't recognize her own handwriting or that she wrote something down, etc. 

I used to have very bad migraines as a child, stress, environment, diet. I managed and largely eliminated them. My headaches recently come from not being certain how to address some things with her or with the family. 

Aunts and Uncles all have plans in place to manage their health, aging and end of life. 

I'm building one. I won't pass my biological parents' burdens down another generation.

I know technically, we don't have to do the majority of what we do for our family. 

We, my aunts, uncles and I, simply don't know how to cope with ourselves if we don't. 

   

Langley

Yes, I can definitely relate to the constant headaches. For me it comes from being overwhelmed. The moment I wake up in the morning and realize I have another day of caregiving ahead, my thoughts start racing and the tension gets to me so badly because I feel like I can't handle anything. My sleep has also gotten worse due to caregiver stress so I clench/grind my jaw in my sleep and that also gives me bad headaches all the time. Feels like an endless nightmare. I'm sorry to hear so many other caregivers deal with headaches too.

HenryHancock

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Mint

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oehlsena

What gives me a headache is my LO screaming out "help" when she is being assisted to use a toilet- she needs full assistance in every step. Although she sometimes can be patiently coaxed to wipe herself, more often than not I will wipe her myself nowadays because she will stuff the toilet paper down the crotch and legs of her pants. She gets confused when I am undressing her, changing her diaper, and feels violated. In the past week it seems she has had these outbursts at least once per day. Strangely enough she doesn't have AS much a problem with me actually wiping her, but it is just having her clothes removed that really frustrates/scares her. 

There is plenty more about the disease that I find really frustrating. I think the main thing that is challenging for me is actually keeping a calm demeanor and tone with someone who cannot be reasoned with, because they have lost their ability to reason. This is something I try to explain to my DH- that she cannot be reasoned with. However, he doesn't seem to understand that. I think he is still having trouble transitioning to how much his mom has changed over the past few years. Just three or so years ago she was capable of driving 900+ miles round-trip for a family gathering (albeit with dangerously impaired driving that should not have been allowed), and now she can barely speak coherently, feed herself, or do hygienic practices. 

Another headache is planning and enacting fun activities and outings for her, which she is unable to enjoy because she constantly gets too hot, or too cold, or too tired, or her incontinence starts giving her anxiety, or she simply is too fussy to enjoy the time. 

I really want to be able to look back and be glad about how she spent her final years. I want to be glad that I could provide high quality care for her. I have made a lot of mistakes- one of which is thinking that with the perfect care that she can return to who she "used to be." However, that is far beyond my abilities.  

jmlarue

Oehlsena - Teepa Snow has several YouTube videos on dressing, showering PWD that may give you some helpful tips on removing your MILs clothes without making her feel violated or vulnerable. Here's one on showering and you can go to the main Teepa Snow page for listings of other similar videos and podcasts. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffCd7cxFAPk&ab_channel=TeepaSnow%27sPositiveApproachtoCare

oehlsena

Thanks!

May flowers

Just a thought, is your LO in diapers or pull ups? We call them “underwear” and he has gotten used to them over time. We take the dirty ones off, and slide the new ones on when he’s sitting on the toilet. As for clothes, we ended up with gowns/nightshirts all the time. Saves the whole pulling pants down dilemma (for him). He can no longer wipe properly, so we just do it. But he still wads up about half a roll of TP to get ready to wipe every time.

ChHodge

Except of daily life problems there are many things that gives me a headache. I suffer from migraines since my early youth. Ever since I was diagnosed, I try to avoid triggers. Found many useful info at the Canadian pharmacy website (https://www.canadapharmacy.com/). Nevertheless, I still have attacks from time to time.