This has become real

Buggsroo

My husband has had some form of dementia for the past two and a half years. I have been slowly getting my ducks in a row, contacting the Alzheimer’s society, getting him assessed by the city for future placement in a mc facility.

She came yesterday, she asked my husband all these questions about his health and his life. His lack of self awareness was incredible. He was in a good mood, he kept telling the lady he was perfect. That made me sad, he has no idea his memory is non existent. In a way I am glad for him, it would be so awful to know your brain was shutting down.

The lady was fabulous and I liked her very much. However, it became so real, that one day my husband would be completely gone. I suppose when it was just the two of us living this strange distorted life, I thought I was imagining things.

She asked him to remember three things. He flunked that but pointed to me and said: “she knows what they are, I don’t need to know.”

ButterflyWings

(((Buggsroo))) I know what you mean. That moment when you realize...this is next level real.

I was just recalling today, my meeting right after diagnosis when the social worker and neuropsych gently shared an overview of AD with me and gave a super short but eye-opening summary of some things that "might" be on the horizon.  (I had no concept of dementia beyond forgetfulness, though some personality changes were starting too -- DH was just a lot more stubborn than ever and becoming generally unreliable for the first time ever, but that seemed due to the memory issues). 

I was SO relieved to finally have a diagnosis and confirmation that there really was something serious happening and that I wasn't the one going crazy.  My elation was fleeting though...I remember being told "you're in charge now". And, "you are going to have to watch him". They had the most seriously worried expressions on their faces and I knew instantly this was a whole new ball game.

Your LO's sad but so sweet response just tugs at the heartstrings, right? He knows you've got him. Beautiful. My guy is the same, though he can't tell you who I am from one moment to the next. It is comforting to know they trust and rely on us...but the question is, who has us?)

Joydean

Buggsroo, that had to be hard. 

I was reminded of my husband’s last visit with his physiatrist, the questions he asked, my husband just kept saying “she knows, or she does all that “.  This disease is so destructive!

You dear lady are in my prayers!  Hugs and strength! 

French

Buggsroo, yes, this reminds me the assessment we did in September. I knew his memory was very low. But it isn’t the same when it is assessed by someone else and you are witnessing.

My partner declared he was able to do everything : shopping, going outside… but couldn’t give our address and the number and name of his children.

You where lucky that the woman was very comprehensive. The doctor we had did the assessment as a formality and didn’t care about how painful it was to my partner.

Crushed

Buggsroo wrote:

She asked him to remember three things. He flunked that but pointed to me and said: “she knows what they are, I don’t need to know.”

Old joke strictly for humor

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' 
 

June45

Buggsroo wrote:

She asked him to remember three things. He flunked that but pointed to me and said: “she knows what they are, I don’t need to know.”

Buggsroo, my husband says essentially the same thing whenever he is asked questions -- the date, where does he live, names of relatives, etc.  "I don't need to know that; my wife keeps up with all that stuff".  I guess it helps them deal (with some dignity) the reality of not remembering things that they should know.

Buggsroo

Crushed, I laughed out loud at that. To all of you, thank you so much. This forum is a lifeline for me. I was working at my job from home and this huge well of sadness came over me. I realized that one day my sweet husband would be gone, I would be alone. Designing newspaper pages in among the tears falling down my cheeks. It gets very lonely at times. I miss laughing with him.

Rescue mom

Joy, bugs, June and others….I’m just struck by this because my DH with Alzheimer’s said exactly the same thing during his tests: “she does that” or “she handles that.” 

One doc asked him my name and he hesitated so long the doc was asking another question when DH came out with it. He lost the kids names long ago, told one doc that was up to me, too. Now he does not remember mine, but does recognize me otherwise.

One of the few times he displayed public anger was when the docs told him to “stop looking at her” every time they asked a question.