Zippo Holiday Spirit Here, How about you?

Cobalt

Of course I am dealing with depression, but dang it, the whole Covid cloud, difficulties getting medical care and worries with increasing Alzheimer's behaviors is a bit much over all here. I just can't seem to do much daily - just the most pressing of the tasks of the moment according to my son's needs.  I swear dragging through each day just trying to keep up with his needs is making me more and more tired.  Can't get it together to "do" anything like holiday decorating, no spirit for holiday baking,  and holiday visiting is out of the question. 

Since my son with EO is getting worse, hanging around all day every day also tends to be worse for my spirits.  After all, who deals well with the constant complaints and mini-traumas that never seem to end?

On the bright side, we learned a lot of his problems and recent seizures are the result of his battery in his seizure "pacemaker" (VNS device) is almost dead.  It's serious enough that a neurosurgeon has squeezed him in for surgery this next Friday.  Here it is tremendously hard to get a surgery since the hospitals are all overwhelmed.  It's going to be a good thing, but oh, not looking forward to increased pain and irritability for days beyond until he heals up.  We already know his Alzheimer's behaviors will be pretty intense just for this procedure and recovery.

Maybe I should just look forward to Christmas being a week afterwards and maybe that one day he will be in better spirits?  Seriously, how to get myself out of a funk is far more challenging when you are stuck at home.  Bet lots of people feel this way.  Thanks for listening.

Love&Light

I will be thinking positively for you and your family. I think a lot of us here can relate.

I hope you can find a moment of joy in something small, like the crispness in the air, or the smell of evergreen.

Tfreedz

Hi Cobalt!

 So sorry you are dealing with the awful sadness this disease brings. I’m glad you figured out what was causing your son’s seizures and will have some relief from that soon. This forum has taught me that although we may not have the same exact issues, we are not alone in them. I’m hoping you will be able to find something joyful each day, even if it’s just a silly video of animals acting goofy. Try to carve out a little time for yourself (I know easier said than done) to refresh your mind. I personally stay up way too late to get some “me” time. 

Sending smiles and happiness your way!!!!

BassetHoundAnn

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Cobalt. Holidays are super-tough when one is caring for a loved one who may not be able to enjoy the festivities. You keep trying to make them happy, help them enjoy the season as they have in the past, but cannot, and that's one of things that's so heartbreaking, that's so hard, that those who've never been a caregiver don't understand. 

You're doing a remarkable job caring for your son. I read your messages with a sense of wonder and inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 

Can you break away for an hour or two to have coffee with friends? I find that coffee with friends is one of the best ways to recharge a broken spirit, though covid has certainly put a damper on that. All my friends are high-risk and most don't care to venture into public places at least not yet. 

I'm struggling with the holidays too, as I'm sure many caregivers are. I knew I was in trouble the other day when I was looking forward to putting on a Christmas sweater and going to get my annual mammogram. <g>

Hugs to you! And please vent away, that's why we're here, we understand. 

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m soooo not into the holidays. I was just thinking this morning how I want to cancel them. 

I’m completely in touch with the “reason for the season” but ugh, all the hubbub. Still haven’t decorated. Got one gift for one grandchild.  The closer the day gets the more I resent and stress. 

I think if I’m able I’ll leave town on a holiday over the holidays next time around. 

GothicGremlin

Oh, Cobalt, I'm so sorry.  Caring for your son sounds incredibly challenging, but you're doing such a great job. He's lucky to have you.

Count me in with the others - not a lot of Christmas inspiration over here. I'm not a Christmas-y person in the best of times, but dealing with Alzheimer's on top of it, just makes me count the days until Jan. 2.

Finding a little alone time can do wonders, if you can manage it.  I had a spa night a couple of weeks ago and went to my home goth club, and danced for a few hours with no thoughts of Alzheimer's.  I'm still living on that memory.

MimiMinder

Dear Cobalt,

My heart goes out to you. If you were here in my town, or even close by, I would offer to come and sit at your house so could get out and do something that fills your cup. Do you have any trusted family or friends who could provide you with a little break? All day, every day inside with a loved one is a challenge.

Then the holidays bring their own challenges. Buy, do, bake, celebrate - sometimes it can just be too much. Taking a step back and not feeling the need to conform to outside pressure can help. I started 'decorating' by plugging in a slightly tacky holiday bear that cracks me up with its changing light display. It never fails to make me smile. 

Hoping you find a smile or two today!

Quilting brings calm

Cobalt … I lost my holiday spirit at least at 12 years ago. When our younger  son turned 18.  

Even before dementia and covid, it’s just so stressful.  This year is even worse.  My car accident and resulting neck and back brace, my parents constant arguing, my step dad having covid. My moms dementia. Older sons impending separation from his wife.  That will eventually result in losing contact with his step daughter - the only grandchild we are likely to have. 

Every year I grit my teeth until December 26.  

I am glad to see your note about a procedure to relieve some of your son’s ( and yours)suffering.   Hopefully life will seem more pleasant for you soon

Cobalt

To come back for those interested in my son's situation - a fantastic relief that he got his urgent surgery on Thursday!  It was a really tense time waiting to see if it could go through or not because our Phoenix hospitals are out of beds and ICU beds due to all the Covid patients.  So very few surgeries of any kind actually get scheduled.  There is also a terrific crisis because the largest hospital system in Arizona is having trouble keeping anaethesiologists and respiratory therapists or getting any, even temporary.  The Covid pandemic is continuing to infect hospital staff and our state has the second highest rate of daily new infections reported in the country.

He got great care and went home just before lunch the next day.  So far it's manageable at home and I've only had to give a couple narcotics.  He was so relieved to be able to get his regular edible MMJ.  And we are so happy it works better than any other possible medicine.  He's not complaining, yet, about the new sensations from the larger, stronger pacemaker and the pulsing every 3 minutes.  So far so good, so just the last few days have been better.  We'll make it to Christmas yet.

Still no decorating, baking, or fol-de-rol here but I did manage to shop for enough groceries so we can get through meals he likes without problems. And I did manage to purchase a few small things for gifts and settle out cash to wrap up in case my grandkids are able to stop by this week. So far, this is more Christmas spirit than I've had altogether in the last month.  Cheers!

Quilting brings calm

Cobalt  - thanks for the update.  Sounds like you’ve got a calmer sea to sail for a while. 

The hospitals here in central Illinois are struggling with capacity also.    

Cobalt

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147559124#profile-modal

(Don't know if the link will show up as the member Quilting Brings Calm, but this is for her)

I'm to travel to central Illinois in 3 weeks for the memorial services for my father.  I'm really anxious about having to fly and be around so many people with the Covid and Omicron raging. I will be in Bloomington-Normal but have to drive up to Chicago area for two of the days.  I sure hope Illinois is better off than what the crisis is here in Arizona.

M1

Glad for the good update Cobalt.

Quilting brings calm

Cobalt 

You will be about an hour northeast of me.  I live in the Springfield area. Our governor has been very cautious about covid.   Masks are mandatory indoors here, although the farther south you go in the state, the less compliance there is.  Bloomington- Normal and Chicago probably have decent compliance. Elective procedures are still being performed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that changes in January due to cases after Christmas.   I think they are having  more trouble with ER and regular rooms and  nursing staff capacity.  They are getting burned out.  Several are taking less stressful positions at schools or doctors offices. 

Bloomington Normal airport is a nice airport.  8 gates, plenty of  open space inside.   I love flying out of it. Security is efficient and usually not crowded.  The only inconvenience is that the coffee shop upstairs ( at the escalator) and the restaurant downstairs are not always open. 

Cobalt

welp, as of yesterday morning, the memorials have been canceled and/or postponed.  So the library is going to hold a public Zoom memorial we can attend online.  The other places having memorials for my dad are going to try to reset for April.  That buys us all more time and by then we as a country will know just how difficult things are.  At least I have relief that I won't be so at risk nor bring Covid back here to Arizona!

I spoke with friends in Normal last night and learned the 2 hospitals there suddenly filled up and the ICU beds are all at capacity. Hoping everyone is buckled up for a scary ride in the next few weeks...

Quilting brings calm

Cobalt

I’m sorry you have to memorialize your father by zoom.

The situation here is changing every day. I had hoped the northern half of our state was doing better than the southern half. I’m right in the middle.   I guess elective procedures will start being postponed soon.  Our governor is very cautious but I think there’s just really no stopping the virus steamroll other than vaccines and time.  And we’ve got some stubborn people here that don’t want to play by the rules. 

April will be warmer and should be safer. 

Cobalt

My sister called yesterday and the library has also decided to postpone the Zoom memorial service - April is looking more promising.  My sister coined a word for the reason the Library decided against even a Zoom memorial:  they are pandemicautious.

LOL, so true

Quilting brings calm

Oh, what a great word! LOL.  

Illinois had its highest daily case count ever reported today. At least the death counts are still staying comparatively low.   But I am not minimizing the grief  for friends and families for every one of those included in those low numbers.

Edited: this originally referred to our second highest count ever earlier this week.  Todays case numbers were the highest ever. 

KatieKat1

Husband passed away this past August.  Married 43 Years.  No Holiday Spirit or any other spirit or interest in most things in general.  I hibernate.  Take care of my beloved Dog who is 13 years of age, take care of what is necessary -- that is it.

Covid has not helped at all and it looks like it will put a damper on life in general for a long time. 

Not much more to say on the subject of Holiday Spirit.  I just keep the faith and go on each day as it is gifted to me.