Venting….doctor with horrible bedside manners

Daughter80

I took my mom to a GP today. I just moved here from out of state and we’re looking for a new doctor. I literally typed up notes and questions so he could look at them before he walked into the room. I told him that my mom will say that she has a brain bleed because of a car accident and that’s what’s caused her memory issues. We respect that because the reality is horrific and scary for her. And this jerk of a doctor walks in and immediately asked her how long she’s had the Alzheimer’s. I asked if he had gotten the paperwork. He had and it was apparent he had read it. Then my mom tells him that she would prefer if he calls it dementia because that just makes her more comfortable. He didn’t care. He proceeded to call it Alzheimer’s three more times and then he told her that it was going to get worse and she became frightened and he was like yeah it’s going to get way worse this is a horrific disease and you’re going to forget everything, you’re going to forget everybody, even an alarm is going to scare you. Every time I think about the way he talked to my mom I just can’t not cry. Of course I took her hand and I told her that we were there to talk about some meds that might help and that I was going to be ok and calmed her down.  I just pray that the one thing she forgets from that appointment is what he said.

M1

Bottom line: find someone else, obviously. Hopefully your mom will remember it less than you will. If you have the energy, a letter to his office manager might have some impact, but I would find someone else first.

live in daughter

Hi Daughter 80, I am so sorry that this happened to you and your Mom. As a nurse I am ashamed how this doctor acted but can't say I am surprised. We had a wonderful doctor who treated my Mom throughout the years. He was always respectful and treated our Mom as a person. There are kind doctors out there.

Do you know of any nurses in the area that could advise you? Nurses are always the best source of who to have as a doctor. 

I would certainly not return to this doctor. Maybe the local public health department could give some names of doctors in the area. 

Hope this helps. All the best to both you and your Mom.

ninalu

Wow, that is outrageously insensitive! I am so very sorry that you had to go through this.
Of course you cry when you think of it. I would too. Your dear mom!

Sending both of you a virtual hug. 

Joydean

Wonder how he would feel if a “doctor “ treated his mom like that. Jerk’s like that should never be allowed to treat humans or animals. Praying you find a good doctor for your mom, and you put him out of your mind because jerks don’t deserve to be remembered.

Daughter80

Thank you all for the support. It means the world. I will definitely follow all of your advice. Blessing to each of you.

Iris L.

Unfortunately, this type is not uncommon.  I have had horrible things said to me by doctors, my colleagues, when I was beginning my investigation into my memory loss.  Find another doctor, a good doctor, pronto!  And like M1 said, send a letter to his department head or clinic manager.

Iris L.

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DrinaJGB

The day my DH was life flighted to the medical center the doctor told me he had had a stroke. DH was treated for stroke and placed on stroke unit. I questioned his diagnosis because DH was young and healthy up until that morning.It was summer, and DH had been working outside. I asked the doctor if it could be "some kind of encephalitis like West Nile virus"--because my gut was screaming at me that it wasn't a stroke.

  Finally--in front of his team--when I asked the question again the doctor proceeded to yell at me that "Your husband has had a stroke!! Stop talking about any other cause!" I cried and cried because I knew something was off.

Two days later DH coded on the stroke floor. Respiratory and multiple organ failure. He was resuscitated by the code team, put on life support and transferred to ICU. MRI revealed he did not have a stroke but viral encephalitis.He spent weeks in a coma. He spent 4 moths in hospital facilities. He came home a broken man in a wheelchair with zero memory. All he kept talking about was hearing Jesus tell him to hold on it was going to be ok.

That day and that arrogant SOB doctor changed everything in our life for the past 12 years and forever.

Dump that jerk now. File a complaint. He should be selling used cars for a living.

mommyandme (m&m)

That’s horrible… you did all you could do to prepare him yet he wasn’t prepared at all!

I’d definitely file a complaint at least with the office.  Depending on the response I’d probably put a review on that doc’s website too. 

Gosh darn it!

Paris20

Daughter80, I hope you found a good doctor. The PCP you saw stinks! I know this cr@p happens because of an experience my husband and I had. DH has anasognosia. He truly thinks he’s fine but he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2015. This diagnosis appears on his medical record, which is accessible to all his local doctors. One of these jerks came into the examining room for a non-AD-related check-up. His first words were, «I see you have Alzheimer’s Disease.» My husband raged at the doctor, yelling «Who told you that? It’s a lie!» Behind DH’s back, I motioned to the doctor to hush up and I shook my head back and forth indicating that the doctor say no more. The doctor caught on and my husband didn’t see my motioning. Now I try to inform my husband’s health care providers, in advance, that DH thinks he’s not ill.

Iris L.

You would be appalled by how many professionals are unaware of anosognosia in PWDs nor exactly what it means.  About 70 percent of PWDs have anosognosia.  

Iris

harshedbuzz

You and mom deserve better. 

Keep looking. An internist or geriatric specialist might be a better fit at this point.

Emily 123

Unacceptable.  If he's a part of a health system you can file a complaint--usually via the system's online portal.  It may help improve someone else's interactions, and perhaps at least make you feel a little better. Don't forget that you can go rate them on Healthgrades as well as see reviews for other practices in the area.  https://www.healthgrades.com

Daughter80

Y’all are all awesome. I love this group and appreciate the support. I will write reviews to post online and reach out to him and his office directly. I don’t know if my mom has anosognosia since she has been telling people she has dementia but just that it was the result of a car accident. I prefer she not know. She doesn’t need to. All that matters is that we enjoy as much of what we have as possible. I am so sorry for each of you that shared your stories of doctors not handling situations well. I hate that these are such events that leave lasting scars. So unfortunate that many doctors just don’t get it. Hugs and blessings to you all. I pray you all have a merry Christmas.

BethMimi

Whaaatttt?!  I can't believe this so-called sh***y doctor would treat your mother like this.  It makes my heart hurt to think of my Mom getting this treatment.  I'm afraid I would have resurrected the language I have worked to get out of the habit of using.  I would guess this is not an isolated incident and he should be held accountable.  This is tantamount to abuse.  I don't think this helps much and I have no advice but just to say I sympathize.  What we have to do is hard enough without this kind of thing adding to it.    

Unknown By Man

Not going to lie I wish my mom had more doctors like that, instead of the overly sensitive and cautious ones that think the caregiver should put everything on hold for their parent.

With that said you had certain arrangements and preferences his desire to not respect them is completely unprofessional and should be reported not only to the board of the hospitals they are affiliated with but also write a formal complaint to the licensing medical board.