Need to move to Assisted Living facility

Lollita

I am new I am new to this group and am having issues with my sister who was recently diagnosed with moderate dementia towards Alzheimer's. It has been advised by 2 doctors she not live alone, as she is now, mama but she refuses to move out of her home. She currently lives alone and I am Checking on her every day to make sure she eats as she has lost a lot of weight perlot of weight. Also her cognitive issues are starting To decline. I need help in getting her to agree to assisted living but she will not go. Any suggestions on how to convince her convince her she can no longer live alone.

Ernie123

This is a common issue and sometimes a difficult one to deal with. My advice would be to forget trying to have a rational discussion that leads to her changing her mind. Someone with dementia has lost the ability comprehend complex situations, and has lost a sense of self awareness. Even if she did agree one day she would have forgotten the next. In your sister’s mind nothing is wrong, you are picking on her. She is probably afraid of leaving the security of her known home. Most moves are made on the pretext of some made up situation. Eg. A house renovation, you are going to stay here for a while. Never argue, just distract and stay positive. The staff at memory care facilities are used to new people arriving who have no idea where they are or why they are there. Talk to them about your sister and ask for advice on how to handle the move. It is better to just make the move happen and then deal with any consequences after. An advantage of moving before severe decline is that she will learn to accept her new environment as a safe place. She will make friends and probably do much better than living alone. And you will know she is safe and cared for.

On a different note have you attended to legal issues, POA’s etc? Consulting a lawyer is important. 

Final suggestion. Contact you local Alzheimer’s Society and go and talk to someone there. Their counselors will provide you with invaluable advice and direction. Joining a caregiver support group is also a good idea. Just as this forum provides you an opportunity to share, support groups in your community are so helpful. You are not alone in dealing with dementia and you shouldn’t try to do it on your own.

Ed1937

Lollita, welcome to the forum. Sorry you are dealing with this. 

I think the advice of contacting the Alz. Society is a good one. Do you have any legal papers concerning your sister? If not, I'm not sure what you can do if she wants to stay by herself, but a counselor from the Alz. Society should be able to give you answers, or give you names of CELAs (certified elder law attorneys). You need good answers on legal stuff here. And that won't come from your hairdresser.

M1

Welcome Lollita.  The others are right; there is no reasoning to be done, she doesn't have the capacity any more.  The minute you get her to say one thing, she'll forget you even had the conversation.

You need power of attorney.  If you don't have it and/or she won't/can't grant it, you may have to pursue guardianship, and that absolutely will take legal advice/guidance.  Nelf.org is a website that lists certified elder law attorneys by location.  Good luck---

Lollita

Thank you all for welcoming me to this group.  I am currently in the process of getting POA and am currently a co-signer on her bank accounts.  I am also acquiring the name of our local ALZ chapter here in Medford so that I can speak with someone and possibly meet with a group.  While my sister is currently doing OK in her home my goal would be first to get someone to come into the home 4-5 hrs a day to make sure she eats properly, and to provide some companionship,   Making a move to assisted living can be in the near future if she will agree to inhome care and this would lessen the daily burden for visiting her everyday,  I am taking this one step at a time.  Fortunately, she appreciates all I do for her and trusts me completely with her finances.  But I know I need to plan on the future.  Thank you again for your comments.

Gig Harbor

One question to ask her periodically is what she would do and what number she would call if she were in trouble or if there were a fire. My husband would always say 911 until one day he had no idea. That’s when I realized he should not be left alone.