cell phone

Davegrant

My DW would like a cell phone for Christmas as the grandchildren tell her "grandma, you need to have a cell phone" My DW believes that if she has a cell then her family and friends will call her. We have a landline and several extensions but most of the calls are from telemarketers. The do not call her. My concern is that some days she has trouble managing most devices like tv remote or microwave. She does have a facebook page on my computer but only looks and doesn't know how to type data. I am thinking about getting her a flip phone but then I need to teach her how to operate it. Based on my experience trying to help her pass the driving exam that is not a pleasant thing as she is hard to teach because she knows it all. I have a smart phone and she monitors the front page whenever I leave the room.  Everytime I go against my instincts , I regret it later. Any suggestions? I have only a few days before I have to act on this. Thanks 

Dave

French

My partner began to have troubles using the phone 3 years ago. When we had to change it I decided not to buy a new one but to give him an old one we had. He never used it but I kept the line (still paying) for when he was by friends or something like that, he lost it several time. The last time he used it was in May to call me all the night when he was in a MCF for a respite stay. I discovered later that he also called the firemen and friends. 

If you buy a cell phone be sure you lock all what will be extra costs (foreign call, apps…). But to my mind, if she hasn’t, she doesn’t need.

Quilting brings calm

Dave 

Instead of buying your wife a cell phone, have  a chat with your children and your grandchildren. Explain to them that grandma cannot have a cell phone and why. Tell them to stop suggesting she get one.  

The grandchildren won’t call her on it if they don’t call her on the landline now.  It’s possible that they may text her if she knew how to text them.  But that would diminish quickly.  They would get  extremely annoyed by grandma’s repeated and random texts and calls. There are lots of posts in this forum and a Facebook group I am in about repetitive calls.  I’ve had 20 or so calls a day from my mom, especially if I don’t answer immediately. 

My Mom has a lot of trouble with her  smart phone.  She’s constantly getting things messed up on it- huge fonts that make it impossible to deal with the screen. Turning the volume down and then saying it won’t ring.  Thinking she’s missed a call from me, when the screen shows she called me last. Accidentally calling me, accidentally FaceTiming me.  Accidentally muting or hanging up on me. 

My Dad got a new flip phone as his quit shutting.  It took him weeks to figure out even though it was the same brand as his old one.   There is no way he could learn to use a smart phone. 

harshedbuzz

Dave-

Trust your gut.

I would call them out on their egging their grandmother on around skills she no longer has and encourage them to call her on the landline. Snail mail is great, too, as a card can be pulled out and looked at any time without inconveniencing anyone. 

HB

M1

Same instinct here Dave, don't do it.  My partner has never had a smart phone, only a flip phone, but she can't use it any more either.  Loses it all the time (including right now).  I keep suggesting we drop the account, but (like selling her car) she says okay and then changes her mind.  Like the landline, the only calls that come in are scam/trash calls, and she doesn't know what to do with them/how to clear them off.  And texting?  Forget it.

Agree that a talk with the grandkids is in order.

Marie58

Trust your instincts and don't get it. Talk to your kids/grandkids about it, too. My DH and I got our first smartphones a year before his diagnosis. In hindsight I learned why it was so hard for him to figure it out. Maybe your gift to the kid/grandkids could be little notecards, envelopes and stamps to send your DW handwritten notes.

Gig Harbor

Tell them not to suggest a phone. Instead ask them to send her notes. Get a bunch of cards at the dollar store and address them to your wife and put stamps on them. Ask if someone in the family will write something in it and send one a week. She will probably love getting a card and she can keep looking at it everyday. Replace them when their supply gets low or you could keep mailing her the same cards.

Camoruso

I just got a new phone but did not get one for my partner.  She hasn't made a call in over a year. Won't answer a call and barely talks when family calls her. I kept her phone but discontinued the phone line. No point in paying for it when it's not being used.

RobertsBrown

For me, it was a matter of degrees.  My gal could not dial a phone or search the contact list, but I bought her a new iPhone anyway, and set her up with voice commands.  then I printed big cards that said "Hey Siri, Call Rob" and similar for other people she might want to call.

This worked for about half a year, and then remembering that there were cards dropped off.

So, a matter of degrees.  My wife has a slow but steady decline rate, and all solutions are short-term solutions, BUT she did really like getting the phone, and getting help and attention, and all that....and then it all faded away.

Rescue mom

Just another voice supporting what others said, and what you already know, really.

If she’s having problems with remotes, microwaves, etc., and can’t type things in, she’s going to have problems (at best) with a cell phone/smart phone/ flip phone. Losing it at best.The attention it brings probably is very appealing, but there are much better ways to deal with that. Plus it’s another avenue for scammers to reach her, no matter how hard you try to block.

Tell the kids to stop egging her on about it. They may not understand the challenges for her, it may just be something to talk about, but let them know it’s inappropriate.

Gig harbors idea was great—get notecards and especially stamps  (it’s amazing how many kids say they don’t know about using or getting stamps). If they don’t call much now, a new phone won’t change that, especially as the disease progresses and conversation is difficult. Or she will call/text them too much, with things they can’t deal with.

Crushed

Had some success with a wall mounted Ipad and face time .  You can set it to auto answer form known contacts

You can go to Settings->Accessibility->Touch->Call Audio Routing->Auto-Answer Calls.

You can set a specific time for the phone before it will automatically answer the call. You can also set it to go straight to speaker if required.

If you want to limit calls it auto answers to only specific people, you can add the contacts to the Favorites List and then Turn on Do not Disturb, and set the allow calls to only form Favorites.

Any calls coming in from the favorites list will be auto answered, and any other calls will be blocked from even ringing.

  

Lynne D

You might look into a GrandPad. You monitor content and it is easy for the user. Grandkids can post photos like Facebook.

My HWD is no longer able to use a cell phone, but lost it and obsessed over it repeatedly for a long time. Now I don’t think he knows it exists. We are at the end of a two year contract and I will likely disable it.