Amazing ability to hide dementia from others

The Son in Law

I just need to say this to someone.  My spouse, child of the person with dementia, is not receptive to discussing this subject.

PWD is in memory care.  Earlier this week we took PWD out for an evening choir practice.  I feared, correctly, that it would be a disaster when it came time to return to MC.  After about 30 minutes of delusional ranting, crying, throwing things, threatening her daughter, blaming her daughter, I finally suggested that we get help from the staff.  Staff was very willing and patient and eventually succeeded without too much further emotional pain for us.

What amazed me was PWD's ability to suddenly put on a very credible presentation of a regular person who had no need to be in MC.  The wild-eyed, hair pulling stopped.  The word searching stopped.  In fact, her use of vocabulary was excellent and free flowing.  She was completely inventing a story about her having studied people in memory care when she was at the university.  Her findings had been presented at professional societies.  This is how she knew she did not belong in MC.  None of that is true, but someone who didn't know would believe it.  I wonder if this "presentation mode" taps into a different part of the brain than the emotional mode she uses with her family.  It was really something to see the instant change when the MC staff person appeared

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monateru

My aunt would do this occasionally when we took her to events. She would transform from tired, cranky, and disoriented into the most polite and put together  of elders. 
She never had the intense delusions like your LO seems to be having. Have you talked to her doctor about the delusions?

Quilting brings calm

It’s called showtiming.  They can pull themselves together and put on an act of normalcy.  Often done at a doctor visit. I’m surprise she bothered in front of the MC staff though since they see her daily.  

You may not be able to take her on outings much longer though.  The description of her reaction sounds like sundowning.   Breaks from everyday routines can agitate them. 

The Son in Law

"showtime" - this is why I wanted to talk about this.  With that keyword I found many useful threads by searching the forum.  Thanks for the word!

Rescue mom

Yes, showtiming. My DH with Alzheimer’s did that some, but he had a different, more overall  way of hiding his dementia.

He was mobile,  and he always *looked* good. (I bathed, dressed him, got his haircuts, etc). Then when we ran into people, he retained the ability to smile and nod and say “yes,” or “good” or sometimes “how about that.” (He had 2-3 stock phrases).

It was amazing how many people took that alone as evidence he was just fine. Some even asked me later if I was sure about the Dx. His doctors, meanwhile, said his social function (there’s a better word for that) was exceptional,  considering his other cognitive losses.

Of course if people tried to pursue more of a conversation, or asked him more than “yes-no” questions,  they’d see his issues. And he never  remembered them or any of it minutes later. But for maybe 90 percent of the people, all they needed was a smile and a nod to think they just had the greatest conversation.

Now the disease is much more obvious, but he could do the above for a couple years.

Probably a bit of a lesson in there for all of us….

But for you with memory care, they see her daily, so that’s really different.