How to explain why you are placing them in MC

billS

In a previous thread I shared my dilemma of when would be the right time to place my wife in memory care, and got lots of good feedback. Now it's time and I've found a good place and started the necessary paperwork. So now my question is, how do I explain why I am leaving her at the facility? My wife is mostly cheerful and looks to me for support and security, so I can't just deliver her to the facility without some explanation. It would almost be easier if she were hostile toward me, but instead she trusts me. So I need to concoct a lie that she will accept. I'm thinking something like, "My brother (miles away) needs me to help with a big project so I will not be able to take care of you for a few days, so you will be safe and cared for here." Or, closer to the truth, "The doctor said my blood pressure is too high and he wants me to relax alone for a few days." Or how about, "I need to go on a long hike and practice my primal screaming!" 

Anyway, I'd appreciate hearing how others handles this delicate situation where the spouse is probably not onboard with placement. Thanks in advance for any tips.

Iris L.

billS wrote:

  Or, closer to the truth, "The doctor said my blood pressure is too high and he wants me to relax alone for a few days." Or how about, "I need to go on a long hike and practice my primal screaming!" 

I hope these are tongue in cheek.  Make the excuse something that is outside of you and her, such as you have to go out of town for work.

Iris

M1

Will be thinking of you Bill. Any of those will work, and she will trust you.

Joe C.

Bill, Maybe you could find a “problem” with your home that requires immediate remediation and for her to stay somewhere while you fix the problem. Possible ideas could be mold in the attic, an issue with water or termite infestation. That way you could say it will be a temporary move while the problem is addressed then once placed if she ask you could just say the work will be finished in a few more days.

billS

Joe C. wrote:

Bill, Maybe you could find a “problem” with your home that requires immediate remediation and for her to stay somewhere while you fix the problem. Possible ideas could be mold in the attic, an issue with water or termite infestation. That way you could say it will be a temporary move while the problem is addressed then once placed if she ask you could just say the work will be finished in a few more days.

Thanks Joe and others. I have about a month to make a final decision on accepting an available room in my MC facility of choice. Hopefully in that time a plausible reason will become clear.

David J

Bill, I used the truth; I needed an operation followed by recovery time. Although the initial placement was for one month, it became clear hat I could not care for her as well as the MCF could.  The staff was prepared to reassure her with this story as long as necessary, but she settled right in. 

You could use the operation story or one of the others suggested, just clue in the staff so they can back up your story.