Coping with Christmas

Crushed

I asked DW to marry me on Christmas Day 1972.   She looked at me with shock and horror and then said Yes, I thinks so but don't tell anyone 

We were married in May 1975 but for many reasons we often missed anniversaries together but we never ever missed Christmas.  It was our day.   Our Christmas ran Sundown to Sundown from Christmas Eve.   We were often traveling with the kids but wherever we were we were always  "home".  Home was US    There were songs, poems, cards, romantic encounters by the Christmas tree and a day full of love, affection and happiness.

But the last Christmas she knew who I was was 2017     Now it simply hurts beyond  description. Her lovely cousins have had a Christmas shirt made for DW 

 I will visit and play carols and feed her comfort food.  And it will make me incredibly sad.    

How do you cope?

Kenzie56

Your post struck a cord this morning. I'm not coping well today - my DH and I were married Dec 23, 1978 and, like you said, the sadness of this disease during Christmas is especially sad when our anniversary is paired with it. In our 20s we thought getting married around Christmas would be so romantic...now it is unbearable when our spouses do not even know who we are. Good thing in youth one never thinks about life in the later chapters of life together. Hang in there - you are not alone.

Sammie Val Marsalli

Christmas is sad no matter what when its your wife or husband involved.When I show my wife the Christmas tree and the religous scenes lit up at night with presents under the tree, she smiles but I am not sure it registers that its Christmas. I hide my sadness and fake my happinesss. We were married in 1978, 43 years ago. This journey is not easy this time of the year for any of us caregiving 24/7.

Last Dance

 Crush     You have my sympathy and I know how exactly you feel, November and December are horrible months for me, not so much because of the holidays but it’s because in November Linda and I start paying more attention to each other, our first date alone was on Christmas Eve 1963.  We were married six months later on May 30, 1964 our marriage lasted 53 years and 16 days. Our life wasn’t as clamorous as yours, we had a business to run so we never got to travel a lot, we had ups and downs in our life, but we held each other tight and weather the storms of life until Alzheimer’s took her from me on June 16, 2017. I loved and took care of her right to the end. The last thing Linda ever said to me was two weeks before she died.  Her words still live in my heart. We were sitting looking out the window and I asked her Linda do you love me,  and without a minute of hesitation she looked at me and said, I’ve loved you all the time what more could I ask for she was a wonderful wife. Even though I know you are not a religious person, I still wish you God’s love, peace and protection this Christmas season and though out your journey with your wonderful wife. Richard 

 

Last Dance

 Crush

 You have my sympathy and I know how exactly you feel, November and December are horrible months for me, not so much because of the holidays but it’s because in November Linda and I start paying more attention to each other, our first date alone was on Christmas Eve 1963.  We were married six months later on May 30, 1964 our marriage lasted 53 years and 16 days. Our life wasn’t as clamorous as yours, we had a business to run so we never got to travel a lot, we had ups and downs in our life, but we held each other tight and weather the storms of life until Alzheimer’s took her from me on June 16, 2017. I loved and took care of her right to the end. The last thing Linda ever said to me was two weeks before she died.  We were sitting looking out the window and I asked her Linda do you love me,  and without a minute of hesitation she looked at me and said, I’ve loved you all the time what more could I ask for Her words still live in my heart. she was a wonderful wife. Even though I know you are not a religious person, I still wish you God’s love, peace and protection this Christmas season and though out your journey with your wonderful wife. Richard

David J

We also were married in December. This year our anniversary passed without notice by my wife. She was happy with her cake and sparkling grape juice, but it didn’t mean anything to her. This will be the first Christmas without her here at home. I will see her on Christmas day, and give her presents but the context will be beyond her. 

Holidays just increase the pain of gradual loss.  

Crushed

Just in case I thought it couldn't get crappier. they now have covid in the facility so I can't visit on Christmas 

Buggsroo

Crushed, I am so sorry you can’t visit your beloved at Christmas. I hope your daughters will be there for you. My husband is totally unaware of Christmas, for him it will be just another day. Me, I will curl up on the couch and read Balzac, that way there will be a semblance of something nice. My heart goes out to all of us at Christmas and much diminished expectations.

Lills

I'm sorry.... Your life with DW sounds like a fairy-tale but with a sad ending.

The longer DH's illness lingers, the more I  think of how I want to create new traditions--somehow.  

riajean

Last Dance, how utterly beautiful!  Thank you for sharing.

Crushed

Thanks everybody.

I just remember Christmas of 2009 and how the future was so bright and exciting.  

I was emeritus, my wife was on a victory lap and she had promised that we would FINALLY have real vacations and time together.

jfkoc

Lills...I agree with finding the new. 

While we have memories we will have no closure on the past but to what end does focusing on things that make us sad have. (Not certain that sentence is correct but you get the drift). In order to move in a new direction we have no choice but to takes steps in that direction. Yes, it is hard but is there another way?