I'm ready to stop no matter what

BethMimi

Today was the last straw.  Every morning she is putrid from her wet diaper.  I go every morinig to get her into a dry depens and slacks and a fresh top if needed.  So this morning Mom wouldn't sit down on the toilet so I could change her pants.  So there was a lot of forcing, fighting, crying, my brother had to come and lift her up twice.  And I'm still not satisfied with the clothes she has on as they got damp during the process. 

I can't keep it up so I am putting the arrangements for putting her in a home in my brother's lap.  He has been resistant and upleasant with me while I am doing all the info gathering, etc.  So probably within the next three months I am stopping my daily morning visits to try and finagle her to the bathroom, getting he in there, waiting for the right time to pop in and get her pants changed while she's sitting down.  I have fought the good fight.

So after I stop going every morning and if she doesn't have proper care coming into the home for her care or not in a nursing home I am calling APC and let them take hold of the reigns.  I know this is not ideal but I can't do it anymore and I am tired of exposing myself to my brother's disdainful negativity.

We have been through four home care aids.  I am not to keen on trying to break another one in.  And for nothing maybe. I have an appointment for her in January with a PCP and I'm going to try and get her on medication and a doctor's approval/authorization (whatever it's called) so she can qualify for VA benefit and anything else we can come up with. 

I have psoriatric arthritis and a little know condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia.  Hubby has early stage prostrate cancer.  I limped all over Walmart today from the physical strain with her this morning.  Yes, I was crazy enough to go to Walmart today LOL.  

Sorry for the rant.  If anyone has experience with APC please feel free to comment.

DrinaJGB

You are standing at the crossroads now.

 We all have been there--whether or not to continue with that seemingly endless  caregiving role or not. Only you can make the decision you need to make.

  There are many experienced caregivers on this forum for guidance and/or advice. All I can say is it is totally up to you how to move forward in this journey that at times will absolutely feel utterly impossible.

  It will test all of your resolves and will at times break you. It will quite possibly completely change who you are.

After 12 years of caregiving this is what I have learned---

The old saying is" what doesn't kill you makes you stronger";

However, I disagree with that---I have come to the realization that

" what doesn't kill you makes you harder".

mommyandme (m&m)

BethMimi,

I truly hope that your final decision relieves you of some of the burden of caring for your LO.

The unknowns and second guessing fill a dark cloud of their own. I’m hoping you have some peace within yourself now, at least.

Thank you for sharing!