Early on-set My sister age 62 just diagnosed

Loisuj

Can someone with Alzheimer's be shown the paperwork and convinced that they have it. So they will listen to the new instructions given to them by the doctor? My sister is very high functioning and could live with her kids if she would let them help her. We are just entering this journey and don't have anyplace suitable for her yet. If she could just understand then she could stay in her own home. Could we write something down and have her sign it for her to read each time before she takes her med so that maybe she'll believe it. It's pretty hopeless. My dad had dementia and we said we wouldn't want to live that life. I'm afraid if she realizes she has it at 62 she will kill herself and I know if she is put into a facility right now she will want to kill herself, because she is highly intelligent and very high functioning, just confused. Please, I need any suggestion or help or hugs that you can send. Thank you                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                  

French

My partner is 52 years old. He was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. He understood the diagnosis but never the consequences (symptoms ). He is still convinced that everything is ok and that he is able to do what he wants. It is anosognosia. He understands but immediately forgets.

At the beginning it was difficult because he was continuing to do a lot of things (electricity for example), leading to major issues. Now, he is unable to do anything by himself, and it is still difficult because he needs a continuous assistance.

Your sister could certainly stay with her children, but it will be a very difficult road for them. They will need help.

M1

Welcome to the forum.  No, there's not any way to convince her/have her remember that she has this.  I thought the same thing when my partner was first showing symptoms, but it's futile--i've told the story several times that our doctor laughed at me when I asked him to have that big "aha" conversation with her.  You and her children will have to learn practical ways to help her, usually without her overt consent.  This forum is by far the best place to do that.

First order of business while she can still consent is to get someone named durable power of attorney and power of attorney for healthcare, and make sure her will etc. is updated.  You need to think about finances too--down the road, if she should need institutional care, can you afford to pay out of pocket, or does she have long-term care insurance?  If not, you may need to think about qualifying her for Medicaid, and this varies by state.  A Certified Elder Law Attorney (listed by location at nelf.org) is the place to start.

Good luck.  Wish there were some way to achieve what you're asking, but there's just not.  As French said, 70% of people with dementia have anosognosia, which is inability to recognize their deficits.  You'll just have to step in and take over, including medication management at some point.  Maybe you can direct her children to this forum too.  It can really help.  Good luck--

Tfreedz

Hi Lois,

I am sure you could have the doc write information for your sister and try to show it to her, her believing it is another matter. After my mom’s diagnosis, we had the hospital doc write out a detailed discharge stating her diagnosis and that she cannot drive or live alone. She kept repeating that she had good neighbors and that they would take care of her so the doc even included that her neighbors could not take care of her in the discharge paperwork. Unfortunately, even with it spelled out, my mother didn’t think it was accurate. She didn’t remember the doctor, stated they never tested her and in the end tore the paperwork into shredded pieces. Now when my mom asks why she can’t go home (she lives with my family) I explain the docs don’t think it is safe for her to be alone. She asks for a second opinion, we’ve had 3, then gets very depressed. 

It will be a very difficult road for her children and everyone involved. Get as much support and information as possible! Maybe consider assisted living that is connected to a memory care center when she becomes more advanced. Keep us posted.

Unknown By Man

To be honest this may come off as harsh I do not mean it as such this is coming from someone younger taking care of their mom. If you are going to get her kids involved please be 100% honest with them and if they choose to not help please do not guilt trip them or make them feel bad for choosing their own lives. 

It will be a difficult road ahead for everyone involved and everyone getting involved should know exactly what they are getting themselves into.

Rescue mom

You can show them the paperwork, but even if they believe it, they’ll forget it in a few minutes. You can tell them, and they may believe it, but they’ll forget being told that—and countless other things—in a minute or two.

You can write notes, they may read the notes out loud, then they walk away with no apparently knowledge or memory of it.

GothicGremlin

I don't have much to add, I agree with everything everyone else had said.  However, I'm in a similar place as you - my sister was diagnosed with early onset, although she was younger than your sister when she was first diagnosed. At the time my sister was high functioning as well, so I could go over things with her. She'd forget whatever I said right after, but at least I knew that she was aware in the moment.

First thing I did right after her diagnosis (after the shock wore off) was to get all of the legal paperwork in order - durable power of attorney, etc. So glad I did.  Don't delay on that stuff.

Loisuj

Thank you so much.

Loisuj

Thank you for the information it is very helpful. Yes this forum is fantastic.

Loisuj

Thank you for the information. I will try and keep you posted.

Loisuj

OOh you are so right. Her children still need care themselves. I do not believe in having the children be a parent. Her children are only 18 and 22. They deserve to be allowed to have lives of their own.

Loisuj

My sister is paranoid and delusional. She does not want to grant me healthcare proxy or guardianship because she feels that I am responsible for having her hospitalized. She has named four random friends and family members who were asked to be proxy and her guardian and they have declined. I live in NC and she lives in MA. We realized she had Alzheimer's when she had a mental break and ended up in the hospital. I was listed as my sister's emergency contact. The hospital decided to honor her wish to deny me as proxy and decided to pursue my sisters choices. My cousin discharged her from the hospital and took her home. So now my sister is home with visiting nurses, she's uncooperative. She fights with her children. And I feel helpless.

Judide65

Thank you so much for your post!  I am just starting this journey with my sister.  She is not diagnosed yet, but we are working through that.  I knew there would be some legal items to attend to and you have documented that clearly.  Thanks again!

jfkoc

"My sister is paranoid and delusional" plus she is diagnosed with AD.

There is not way you are going to get this person to understand her situation and since you say if she understood she would want to kill herself why ar you trying to get her to understand.

I know not how you are going to proceed but I do know that knowledge and approach are the golden keys to this journey.

This can be a rough journey but  we will be right by your side with information and support.

Lollita

I am so sorry for your situation.  I too am caring for a sister (68 yrs) who has been diagnosed with dementia likely of the Alzheimers sort.  She lives alone, has no children, and refuses to live in an assisted living facility.  I have also tried to get someone to come into her home several hours a day for companionship and meals, but as yet she has not agreed.  Therefore, I am over at her house most days for a couple hours, but this is wearing on me.  I highly suggest you at least try to get someone to come in (caregiver) 4-5 hrs a day to assist your sister.

Also, there is a lot of information I have been watching on YouTube, by a well known authority on Alzheimers, her name is Teepa Snow.  If you go on You Tube and look her up she has many pods to watch with many subjects, including how to talk to someone with Alzheimers.  She has helped me trememdously in communicating with my sister.