first christmas in an empty house

monateru

my great aunt died this spring and now the house i live in is empty

i walked home from christmas breakfast today, but had no one to wake up for our own special christmas breakfast when i got back

i put my present and some candy on her chair and now ive just spent the day staring hard at my christmas tree trying not to think about that stupid chair, failing and crying

monateru

you know youre having aa rough day when elizabet swan yelling "hoist the colors" in pirates of the Caribbean makes you cry

chrisp1653

I think I can understand at least a part of what you're having to go through, Monateru. I lost my Barbara on December 20, 2020, so this was my 2nd Christmas without her.

The house is just as empty. The space where her hospital bed sat is still not really repurposed. The chair where she used to sit is still there, although at least it isn't empty, since I sit in it now, but I still feel the space in the living room where someone else should be.

I once told the social worker assigned to Barbara that I would not dishonor the love my Barbara had for me by throwing my life away just because she was no longer physically here with me, and I still feel that way.

We had a good 38 years together. Sure, there were a few rough spots, but looking back, I wouldn't be the man I am today if it had not been for her.

I am doing better this Christmas than the last one. I think it will continue to get better.

But there will always be that empty spot inside of me, that belongs only to her.

Blessings to you, Monateru.

TessC

Aww, I'm sorry you are feeling this way but it is common to feel extra sadness during the holidays. I'm right there with you. New Years was my mom great holiday since she was Japanese. It's very hard to make the traditional foods without her, but she always prayed from her children and family's happiness so I want to honor her by doing just that! Think of the good memories when you are feeling sad and she'll be right there with you in your heart. Blessings to you in 2022!