Fearful LO with EO

claugp

My mom has EO, my sisters, father and I have had a hard time dealing with her diagnosis. She has always been scared of the dark, fires, being alone, robberies, etc. And her diagnosis has only heightened her fears and her anxiety. Over the past years, my mother has started hiding her money, her makeup and perfumes from her dresser and hiding it in her closet because she fears someone will steal from her. I think her fear is warranted because my father has sometimes taken money out of her purse out of actual need. 
She also locks and double checks every door in the house and bolts and barricades them before going to sleep. She brings in all of the colorful decorations from our garden because she is afraid a robber will see them and want to steal them. My sister says that the doctor who diagnosed her recommended that we don't allow this behaviour and make sure to put everything back in it's place, so my sister is constantly arguing and getting upset that my mother is putting things out of place and making the house messy. My sister will make my mother return things to the garden or put them in different places. My sister will also try to bring back my mothers makep and perfume to her dresser and put her money in her wallet and my mom will just hide eveyrhting again. 

Although the barricading it is frustrating, I don't mind as long as it gives my mom peace of mind. I am worried about my sister because she gets very angry and yells at my mom and tries to convince her and reason with her. But, it is the same battle every single day, and it only ends up with my sister being frustrated, hurt and mean to my mom. I am not sure what to do or if I should look for another doctor who can give us advice on how to best deal with my mom. Should we let her barricade herself and us or is this a behaviour that needs to be reigned in?

Tfreedz

Oh boy, sounds like a frustrating situation. Imagine the poor stress your mom must be under with the very real threats she feels in her mind. My Mom’s doctor told us not to correct anything she does or says unless there is a threat to her safety. It is easier said than done but trying to correct behavior that makes no sense to us can cause even more stress for everyone as you mentioned. I would probably look at a different doctor or neurologist for your mom and see what they say. Teepa Snow videos on YouTube are very good and address unreasonable fears and how to divert and distract our loved ones. Sounds like getting your sis on board might be a challenge, maybe encourage her to this site or to the YouTube videos.

mommyandme (m&m)

Sounds to me like your moms dr doesn’t understand at all.  I think he/she just exacerbated the problem.

I think that these behaviors will eventually stop, good thing or bad depending on how you look at it.  Keeping your mom safe and as comfortable as possible may be your priority going forward.  

My mom was suspicious of anyone and everyone and had OCD like behavior about the “3 locks” on her front door at night. Annoying…yes…but nothing like the backlash I get when I become obviously frustrated or raise my voice.  Patience is so important but very difficult in the early stages when we think our LO should understand.  Even thinking our LO is just being stubborn is futile.  Believe me…I know from experience. 

The dementia patients become like toddlers in the end as they progress backwards thru young adult know-it-all’s to rebellious teens.  

I hope patience and peace adorn your home soon. 

Emily 123

claugp,

Hello.  I'm sorry you're here.  

If mom's hiding her stuff in one benign place in her room, and if it's not affecting your mother's health or destroying the closet, your sister should just let it go.  For her peace of mind as well as your mom's. The goal is to keep mom relaxed if you can.  As for the daily fight over the exterior decorations--I would again say  just bring them in for the winter and/or until your mom's let go of that focus.    

Even though she can have a perfectly normal conversation with you, your mom's lost the ability to use good judgement, or to see that she's making a mess, or even to care that it's more work for your sis. The damage is also releasing the brakes on the fears she's always had--she can't manage them very well because the part of her brain that could do that is also affected. 

Your sister is probably trying to keep things as normal as she can and have some control in a situation that won't let her do that. But she will get nowhere by trying to make your mom see reason--she can't.  Caregiving is tough, tough, tough, and it's hard to get to that point where you understand that all the arguing in the world isn't going to change the behavior.  This really helped me--maybe it'll help your family?

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

Think about discussing the behaviors with mom's doctor and see if meds can be prescribed to take the edge off of her obsessive behaviors if the barricading is putting family at risk in case of an emergency or that the situation is becoming untenable.  If your mom isn't being managed by a neuropsychologist or neurologist, a referral to one of them by your mom's doctor could help in terms of medical management. 

These videos are good.  The first series has a few videos about obsessive and paranoid behavior.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6wmSZzpjPI&list=PLggTiAH3rDW5uFPTdH8iIu7Dg7a9FO4dj

Teepa Snow series-excellent.     https://www.youtube.com/embed/videoseries?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX

mommyandme (m&m)

Yes, what they both said, very well I might add.