Is there such a thing as New Year's Resolutions when you're just marking time? Just musing.

M1

It's natural to think about planning ahead, and I really would like to set some goals for this year; but at the same time I feel like I am just marking time until the next downturn or crisis.  Covid is very bad where we are, and there is little public motivation to get the pandemic behind us; so it just keeps marching on.  Meaning that there's not many places to go or things to do, and little motivation to get out and about.  My partner is claustrophobic and terrible at wearing a mask, so I can't really take her much of anywhere.

Things I can do on the farm:  I'd like to have a better garden this year; last year was too wet and too hot.  So that's something I can work on, with no downside.  Maybe that one feasible goal is all I should hope for.

I have a treadmill and would like to pick my exercise back up; I've lost a month to general respiratory crud that the two year old gave me (not covid).  That's also something that feels doable.

I have a longer-term goal of identifying some outside help this year; but that is limited by our poor area's vaccination status; I don't know how possible it will be to find vaccinated companion care.  Or where I would go even if I had companion care, except maybe to see my grandchildren more.

Overall  between the pandemic and being an isolated dementia caregiver, I feel like my life is generally on hold until my partner dies.  That's the long and short of it.

Anyone else having thoughts about things you'd like to accomplish?  Do you feel on hold too?

Rick4407

Hello M1, I can emphasize completely.  I have always been a "planner", while things seldom went as planned it was a process that benefited me considerably.   Now I am, as you are, struggling to figure out what's next!   The time line for my DW is like all others "indefinite", there are averages but no real estimates.   So I just continue on the mode of "one day at a time".

Through a mutual friend I located a woman who just moved in here with my DW and I.  She helps out with the house and sometimes with my DW.   Mostly it is just nice to have an adult conversation occasionally.   A bad time of year for me as my DW and I always wondered where we would be next year.  I now know where we'll be, just not how she will be.  

Take care, and good luck on the garden.  Rick

June45

Good question M1. My only goal for this year is to get through each day...at this point not much to look forward to.  Even though we have a good vaccination rate in my community, qualified health care workers are hard to find. My husband has just put a foot into stage 7 and needs a lot of care so I am isolated because I can't take him out with me and I can't leave him home alone.  Reading mysteries is my escape.

loveskitties

For those of you who are essentially "house bound" either because of Covid or your loved one's needs, how about setting up a schedule to do "zoom" type gettogethers with family and friends.

You/they might need some extra equipment...or you/they may already have what you need.  Either way, at least then you can interact with others.

Not the best solution, but better than total isolation.

billS

I sympathize M1. We live on a small rural property growing organic stone fruits, citrus and a home garden. My wife can no longer follow the simplest instructions for farm chores, plus her poor balance and inattention become a safety hazard. Our walks through the hills are becoming shorter and shorter as she gets more wobbly. I have a hard time doing necessary chores and upkeep on the farm while keeping an eye on her. I am very close to placing her in memory care, and sad as that is I do look forward to being unleashed to do a day's work without interruption or worry, followed by an uninterrupted night's sleep! I am a fit 73 year old and still enjoy vigorous outdoor work. So yeah, I'm on hold until I place my wife in MC, sad to say.

sandwichone123

I'm hoping to get a promotion at work, and I'm hoping I can keep the platters spinning at home. The new job should have some flexibility in case I need to deal with things. Other than that, it's holding, shopping for care providers for when we need them, and hoping it all holds together.

Lynne D

Hello M1.

I hear you, especially with the guilt-inflicting phrase about our lives being on hold until our loved one dies. Not one of us (including our loved ones) deserve this. 

I am hand-weeding 2 acres of noxious weeds, in better weather. Currently I am braving extended travel to see our daughter. That entails enhanced sundowning along with retained emotional immaturity and jealousy of said daughter. Throw in some bad weather and traffic, and I am weighing whether I would rather go crazy at home or on the road.

I have three delicious hours of respite care per week, thanks to our Area Agency on Aging. I am in a rural area and it took months on a waiting list. Miraculously, the caregiver is vaccinated in our county boasting a 29% vaccination rate. Think you need respite? Start looking now.

I miss control and planning. To compensate (to self-analyze) I have embarked on an exercise regimen and keto eating resulting in a 30 pound weight loss. (Getting ready for when life in not “on hold” anymore, you know?)

I don’t know what else to say other than I am bailing water out of this sinking ship along with you. I hope we make it to shore soon.

LadyTexan

I rarely make new year's resolutions. I verbalize daily intentions and objectives. I also write down goals for the next 90 days. Recently I also started creating a bucket list. I'm keeping it simple.

Here are some examples:

• Today I will drink more water. Today I will be kind and respectful to my DH. Today I will appreciate the beauty around me. Today I will remember to be grateful.
• Between now and March 1st, 2022, I will exercise 100 minutes every week.

Bucket Items:

• Visit historical properties when they are decorated for Christmas. Start with the Bishop's Palace in Galveston. 
• See a Cirque du Soleil show. 
• Float down the San Marcos River. 
• Enjoy a cup of coffee while it is hot. 
• Eat an entire meal without interruption.

Sometimes I feel my life is on hold. Then I remind myself that I choose to care for my husband. Carrying for him to the best of my ability is my current purpose. Showing DH love and kindness and respect. Maybe that's my resolution. It is not new, for the new year, but it helps me focus my energy.

tcrosse

My New Years resolution is to stop feeling sorry for myself. It's counterproductive. It feels good to buckle down and do what needs to be done.

Battlebuddy

   I think the holidays kept me busy in the short term. Now I’m facing the year ahead. It’s hard to be in this position- staring down the year , but not able to make any real plans . 

   So I’m doing as several of you have said, I’m making the plans I can. I’ve actually started doing things that I’d planned to do when my husband passed. I’m fixing up the house for sale. I’m putting new counters and a back splash. But there is only so much I can do before it disturbs my husband. 

   So most of my life is on hold too . But I’m going to think about this more this month. Maybe there is more I can do to prepare for my future so I can hit the ground running when I’m not on hold anymore and it’s just me. Thanks for listening and for this post M1. Only you guys would understand this way of thinking.