Vacation(2)

Memphisdee

My dh has been diagnosed for two years. We always do Christmas on the coast where our son lives. This year the first 3 days were horrible for him. He was confused and worrisome and even stood and paced for 2 of those days.  I got something from dr for agitation. He’s better now that the daughter, hubs and 4 kids have left. He even thinks we can stay the month we have rented it for. This morning was the first time he’s had trouble getting dressed, showering and making a decision about his clothes.  He has also turned the driving over to me since we’ve been here.  It’s a fast new normal but I knew it would happen eventually. Seems a little more stubborn and worrisome today.  I’m thinking when I get home I may need to look into getting a guy to come help with him. We are blessed with long term insurance.  Hopefully he will be a little better when we get home, who knows. How do you go about getting help.

mrl

Dee,

In 2012 my DH and I went on our annual trip to Myrtle Beach. He wasn't even diagnosed then. His behavior was identical to yours. I even wrote notes because I was dumbfounded. He threw his toothbrush away, said wasn't his. The pondering over clothes was unreal, the agitation with my driving, etc,etc. Once we got home though it all went back to normal.

I never knew about travelling with PWD until he was diagnosed, then of course it all makes sense. Good luck we were only gone a week. 

Michele

Rescue mom

A lot of us here found that our LOs with dementia do significantly worse away from home —even in places they’ve been before. Travel and being away, with the changes in routines, surroundings, people, etc., are hard for them to deal with.  But when they get back home, they are fine (or like they were before the trip).

Someone here once said we should expect a drop of one stage during travel. It may not happen to everybody, but it happens a lot.

The disease will certainly  progress, but don’t assume he will stay this way when you get home.

I stopped traveling with my DH because he lost SO much abilities and functions when away. He could not do things he did at home. It was so hard to deal with, the trips weren’t worth it. But that’s a very individual  decision. Just know that they often get bad when away, then recover when back home.

jfkoc

It could just be vacation normal. I would do little and set up a routine. Go ahead and put out his clothes for him or limit the choices.

Getting help? You search.You tell everyone you know you are looking and you read the obits where a special aid is often thanked. Never to early to start but please do not even hint to your husband that the help is for his benefit.

and....please let us know if you are stay...we worry...

Bill_2001

Vacations - just another loss along the dementia caregiving journey. I gave up on traveling three years ago. It was simply no longer FUN for me, and nothing but a big hassle. Not worth it.

Kibbee

A vacation?  What's that?  Yes, I also gave up traveling.  Can't bring him with and can't leave him at home either.  On the upside, the money we would have used for trips and vacations is now available to pay short term caregivers.  So I just relax and rewind with little mini trips....because having even 4 or 5 stress-free hours to shop, browse in the library, take a walk or see friends can make a big difference to my mental health and overall attitude.

Crushed

For a different experience DW was MCI in 2010 and EOAD in 2012  She was placed in 2017
between 2010 and 2017 we made 4 trips to Kruger in Africa, 2 to Alaska, 4 to Europe, 3 to Hawaii 4 to Yellowstone  plus the Southwest Costa Rica, Bonaire and Banff.  We wintered in Florida every year.

We would rent apartments with kitchens, since I had always done all the cooking .  We had RVs in Alaska.  For our whole marriage wherever we were together was Home.  I knew what she could do and what she could not.  I always got help in airports. Every day I put a picture of her on my cellphone of what she was wearing.  She had "dogtags" and a neck pouch with identity information.  I handled all tickets and passports  and money.  She took beautiful pictures 
     
  
  

Memphisdee

Thanks everyone, we’re still here but taking it day by day.  I think our traveling days are over.  The worrying about everything and skepticism is getting to me. I think an anti anxiety med would help. Dr wouldn’t send a very high dose or an antidepressant as they are street drugs. Another reason to go home. 

Crushed I can’t imagine being able to travel like that. She must be a happy person!  The rest of you kind people, I hear you. I enjoy me girl friends too!  Thanks again!

Memphisdee

Oh and yes he’s fearful when I leave him to go see a friend in another condo.

jfkoc

I am sorry that you are not free to visit friends....having them visit  you would likely be as upsetting.

I agree....time to get him home asap.

I remember being at our home in Santa Fe when my husband asked when we were going home. I answered "right now" and we walked out to the car and left. One of the best things I evver did for him.

Memphisdee

Today I called neuro and shrink. Neuro on vacation, shrink sent out antivan. If that don’t work, we’ll go home after his bro and wife come mon and Tuesday.  Worries about everything and sceptical when I try and give solutions.  I visited my friend last night when our son came over.