POA with multiple designees

Daughter80

If there are three designees for medical and financial POA should we discuss decisions in advance?  What scenarios should we plan for?

Wilted Daughter

Depends on the document's language. Does it state that all designees are appointed as POA etc. at the same time or one is designed and the others are alternatives if he or she is not able to fulfill the tasks of appointment? 

Usually one person is in charge 'the POA' and if they can not perform then the next person steps up and so on. Never heard of multiple persons acting as POA...at the same time. 

Emily 123

Share documents on a cloud--it makes it easier to find them and no more bulky emails. Do sub-folders for taxes, important ID's, healthcare, etc.  Put the 'critical in an emergency' documents out there-HPOA, POA.  Upload the HPOA and any advanced directives, etc, out at your mom's healthcare portal if her system offers one. 

Some medical tests or procedures can be dispensed with.  My 92 year old mom isn't getting another mammogram or dexa scan.

Whoever is taking care of mom or is 'local' should be the primary HPOA.  If something happens, that person is the one going to the ED at 3 AM.  They'll know the dementia behavior best, as well.  

Second guessing caregivers is never helpful.  Family should understand that mom may say some things that seem real to her, but aren't true.

The HPOA may end up having to make end of life decisions for your mom.  If your mom hasn't got an advanced directive/living will on file, think about whether she still has the capacity to understand what those choices are and if she can complete one or give guidance about what her wishes are. They can be found out at most healthcare portals or state websites.  This seems morbid, but it lets the HPOA comply with their loved one's wishes, rather than trying to figure out what they wanted.       Here's a sample:https://www.sentara.com/Assets/Pdf/Patient-Guide/Advance-Care-Planning/VA-ACP-Form-and-Registration-FILLABLE-2019.pdf

ButterflyWings

Hi - I was advised early on not to share POA responsibilities if possible, because it really complicates decision making. The decisions can still be made jointly between siblings or whatever responsible team wants to confer regularly, but someone needs to have the final legal say so.

Actually having more than one person required to sign off before tough health or financial/property decisions can be made might be asking for trouble down the road. It would have been disastrous in our situation as I've learned we see eye to eye on virtually nothing re my DH's care and health status (denial on the part of family members who have spent zero time with him, and haven't bothered to read any of the excellent resources to overcome their stereotypes about dementia).

The things that arise with this disease regarding care options, changing cities, possible facility placement and timing for that if so, meds and estate decisions have brought many families to near blows! If the durable POA already exists, I would definitely have an elder law attorney review to see what the rights and responsibilities are, for whom, and when as the prior reply stated...maybe one designee kicks in at a certain time. And they can advise on any recommended updates if necessary. Good luck to you.

harshedbuzz

Daughter-

This is not a scenario in which I would want to be a participant. 

Sharing a POA can be a nightmare unless all parties on the exact same page. Worst case scenario seems to be when "traditional" parents name their nurturing RN daughter in charge of medical stuff but give their son the accountant control of the money. 

When we drew up my parents' POAs when dad was initially diagnosed, I was primary on my mom's with my adult niece named as a successor. Dad was unable to act on mom's behalf and she nearly died with him as her advocate, so he was never an option. TBH, my DH would be a better choice in terms of available time and financial/medical understanding but he's only 9 years younger, so we went with my niece who is super busy but means well. 

Mom was dad's primary POA with me as secondary/successor. When signed, I could act for dad in certain capacities. I managed the sale of their homes in MD and FL, registered cars, cleaned out safe deposit boxes, etc using it so my mom could concentrate on caring for dad. 

I was a secondary successor for my aunt with dementia after my older aunt (86) and mom (84) and I am successor after a 75 year old cousin (who is local but not in the best health) for the 86 year old who seems bullet-proof. 

HB

Rescue mom

When we did ours, even before DH Alzheimer’s, attorneys very strongly advised to have only one POA.  When I re-did some after DH Dx, different attorneys also said, do not have multiple POAs.  I hear nightmare stories here and IRL about shared POA. 

I’m sure multiples have worked for somebody, but it doesn’t seem like a great thing to do

King Boo

That's really really unfortunate.  For future reference, it is much better to pick THE go to person, with the others named as primary and secondary successors (they become POA if the primary cannot serve).

Possible scenarios:

1.  One of the POA's feel they should 'honor their decision to continue living in their home (when care needs, safety and/or finances make this a poor choice) and the other's realize they  need to place.

2.  When one of the POA's is cheap and doesn't want to spend on care.

3.  When one of the POA's wants to be the control freak.

4.  When one of the POA's cannot take the time to learn about dementia and therefore cannot be an adequate decision maker for their charge's well being.

5.  When one of the POA's insists assisted living is the goal when the other's realize that ship has long ago sailed and their loved one needs Memory Care or skilled nursing which is more expensive.

6.  When one of the POA's does not want to accept the need for hospice services, therefore preventing a 'good death' in the 6 months anticipated prior.

7.  When sibling or family relationships interfere with the impartial, businesslike decision making that a POA needs to do, NO MATTER THE EMOTIONAL UPSET (i.e. I think Mom needs this but that will upset my younger brother so I won't argue for it)

8.  When you disagree about where to place, what caregivers to use, what money to spend, whether to sell the house, accept this doctor's recommendation, place on a ventilator, use extraordinary means.

9. When you have a co POA who is a poor decision maker, thereby placing your LO at risk and the co -POA's in liability.

10.  When there is financial fraud because all POA's have access to financial resources, and one of the POA's steals or 'borrows'.   You are all liable for the PWD's well being.

Just the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.  Lot's of other scenarios could play out.

Of course, in the very rare situation when everyone is a good communicator, has a different skill set, get along and love each other and has the same vision for their LO - it can work.  

PickledCondiment

Daughter 80 - all posters have made very important comments, so I won't add. My best suggestion is to consult a certified Elder Lawyer immediately.  There may be other things in your documentation that should be reviewed and potentially revised. When you meet with the elder lawyer, put all the information on the table; good, bad, ugly.  A lawyer's counsel (advise) is based on the information you provide.

Daughter80

Thank you all. I guess there are three of us on. But it is more of my aunt first. Then me. Then my brother. So maybe that is better. I definitely need to look at the actual document. It was just drawn up by a lawyer a few months ago. All of this can definitely be overwhelming. Thanks for the support. So many many things to think about.

jfkoc

When you look it over check to see that it is a Durable POA.

Daughter80

Thank you all so much.