Psych is requesting I take my mother home.

Unknown By Man

 Hi, 

So currently my mother is in a geriatric psych facility much to my dismay, nevertheless my hand was forced since her current care team refuses to work with me again finding a medication and dosage that is safe and effective. Her current care team felt she was not at the stage where higher dosages were warranted for her behaviors cause they are manageable with proper inventions. I am just not willing to give up the time required to do so.

She has not been in the facility for a long just a couple of days and I am getting calls to take her home. She refuses to eat, refuses to get up to go to the bathroom, her paranoia and delusions have become far worse. I short she is losing all the functionality she had before, which is not new. I did example to them that my mother was in a geriatric psych facility before and my father took her home at the facilities request cause she was getting worse and not better from her baseline and they felt she was not a good fit. My old man had a heart of gold and did not want to see her suffer so he took her home. When he took her home she was back to her baseline. More or less this new facility has told me the same thing, that they are in agreement with her current care team that chemical therapies are not what she needs at this moment, and they do not feel her quality of life would be enhanced by doing so, it appears you see are most likely doing this for your own convenience and not the well-being of your mother. 

I thought I could handle anything they threw at me, I already knew what I was doing was not in her best interest, but I am in this ride alone no family wants to help for understandable reasons, my wife checked out also for understandable reasons. For the longest it was my father and I that rotated the responsibilities which made it bearable. My mother by her nature is a manipulative person that was her core personality trait before all of this. So I am hard pressed cause I spoke with my wife and she is most likely right that my mom is playing me. Though the stress of knowing she is suffering is unbearable.

I know it is harsh but turned off my phone, but then my family has been bothering my wife trying to get into contact with me it appears my mother gave them my aunts number. Now my wife is getting dragged into this mess cause I am trying to find a treatment plan that will help manage my mothers behavior so I can find placement for her. Even when my wife brings up  that I am doing my this without any help, they tout the same lines as always it is not our responsibility it is his mother he has the means to care for her but chooses not to because it is inconvenient for you guys. Which is not wrong, if I capped out my salary and withdrew from my savings I could afford to place my mom where she wants to go. Though to do that that means my wife will have handle all of our expenses, and that is not fair nor possible for her. She is a teacher, she barely makes a fraction of what I make. 

I knew this was going to backfire, I knew that I did not have the resolve to hear that my mother about my mother suffering, see my wife forcibly be dragged into this mess and judged because she refuses to help me care for someone that treats her like a sub-human. I knew my family would try to spin their hypocrisy and shame me into giving up everything. I was told today by them that I could always earn that money back, but you can never earn time back with your mother. When I tell them I am young and they should not put everything on my shoulders, they told me 28 is not young you lived a good life. 

 I am at a loss, this choice has cascaded into a landslide of pain and heartache. Overall I dislike the situation but my actions to try and speed up the placement progression cause I cannot handle it is making this worse for myself cause my garbage family is making everything worse. I know the fact I have become lifeless is making my wife feel guilty for not helping, which is not my intent nor desire. I do not want her help my mother’s wellness and wellbeing should be the responsibility of her entire family not just mine. 

I reached out to her care team and they told me what I did expect would happen? They gave those recommendations for a reason sometimes medical interventions do not work. They did tell me I understand where you see coming from, but the problem is your mother requires things that is not common in facilities and she cannot tolerate medication well enough so she can go into a common facility. They told me to accept your hand, she will get worse with time and once she gets it is possible her behaviors will start to subside. It is the waiting game, since she is in a weird spot. Her functionality is EO, it is her working memory that is taking the impact. Her reserves in terms of physical functionality are extremely high, for the most part she is operating on muscle memory. Unfortunately also means she does not trust new people, she trusts her current doctors because many of  have been her doctors from before I was even born, and one she even dated in the past. She is very close with them, and for the most part can even have normal conversations with them.

I am worried say if I take her home and she does not get better, and these behaviors sick. Illegitimately made my mother worse quicker and I have to live with that.

Tfreedz

Unknown, my heart goes out to you and your situation. You are receiving pressure and guilt from all sides, including the pressure and guilt you are placing on yourself. STOP!!! You deserve to have peace in your life with your wife, without the impact of your mother living with you two! Please do not return her to your home and please do not drain your funds for her care!! 

You have been an extremely diligent son, researching places and options for your mom all along. No one can deny your love for her, so don’t let them! It is time to allow the hospital social worker to step up her game and find an adequate place for your mom. Will it be difficult, will she be angry and resentful towards you...most likely. Give it and her some time to adjust. Keep yourself strong and solid in your resolve to let others (professionals) care for your mom even if she doesn’t approve. You owe that to yourself and to your wife. Try to block out your inner guilt and your extended family’s guilt trip. Allow the psych center to place your mom in housing that may not be up to her standards, as long as you are visiting and checking on her, she will be safe. I can tell this is tearing you up inside. I also deal with guilt at not doing more to make my mother’s life the best it can be. In the long run, we cannot sacrafice our lives, happiness and futures just to satisfy our parents. We do our best to keep them safe and healthy but ideally your moms happiness is her responsibility. 

All of this is much easier said than done. I’m just trying to give you the extra push and strength not to cave in and allow her back into your home. You can be a great advocate and support for your mom wherever she ends up. At the end of the day you need to take care of you and your wife. You need to be able to take a deep breath at night and know your love for your mom hascto be enough for her. Let us know what happens!

Unknown By Man

Thanks, I will be speaking with social work again in the morning the doctors have told me they are putting in a formal request that community placement is advised, and that currently no medicinal treatment is available for my mother that they feel is safe enough for her. 

It appears they have tried to find placement but no one has approved her due to the current recommendations they have for her. So when I speak with social work I am going to ask for a list of every place they have tried and will reach out. I spoke with the staff and you are right I am getting guilt from every corner, family, medicinal professionals, social workers etc . . Just got off the phone with the resident doctor for the night staff. They legitimately scold me for a good 30 min they said;

You know what she needs, she is early onset her behaviors make it difficult but you can get her to eat be relaxed in seconds yet you are forcing others to deal with her outlandish behaviors knowing full well medications are not going to work with her since you tried many. You are essentially trying to get a second opinion on her plan of care cause you do not like the fact that people have told you to suck it up and stop being a spoiled child. Her care is not that complicated spend time with her, give her the attention she wants and she is okay. We have observed this just the mere mention of you relaxes, but it is short lived if you are not around her. More or less a brief summary of what they told me. My wife told me to hang up but I did want to find out when social work gets in so I can speak with them.

Which is 100% true and I think it is because she was overly protective of me due to being on the spectrum she is regressing me to a point where she feels I need her protection. I am trying not to guilt trip myself, and I let the family stuff go the one that makes it hardest is the fact her care team is guilt tripping me, the current staff at the facility is guilt tripping me. One of the nurses told me I am killing my mother. My wife told me to make a formal complaint I am not trying to rock the boat. People are entitled to their opinions, it is just rough when those who are meant to help you are telling you what you are doing is wrong and that you are scum is not easy. 

Hopefully if I speak with these places they have tried maybe I can sway one to give her a try, if not I am going to see about transferring her to another psych facility and try again. I am trying to avoid that since I know moving her around so much is also not healthy. I kid you not one doctor they will let her sign herself out if need be. I told them you really cannot do that, but my mom is good at getting people on her side. 

I will keep everyone posted fingers crossed social work is willing to work with me, last time I spoke with them it more or less because a session of them questioning me and asking why I am not willing to do what the doctors feel is best for her. My answer does not paint me in a good light, I tell them the truth I cannot do it.

The problem is they are not even trying a new approach. I am afraid of lying cause I know my mother still remembers the name of her doctors so not like not mentioning will not change anything since she will just tell them, and they are not in agreement with what I am doing. I am getting to the point where I think I have to hurt her for people to see that I cannot do this, cause everyone outside of those that have dealt with this on some level seem to think it is not so bad. 

Cause it is not, my mom is an easy case compared to others, she is just starved for attention and does weird things if you do not give her said attention. I joined a local support group, and a few people told me why am i complaining. Your mother still remembers you, she can still cook, she does not need help with ADL’s. The worse you got her working memory is shot, but if you are with her it appears that is not much a factor either. So why are you complaining? I get it some people have to deal with violence, wandering, changing them etc . . .

I think that is the part that gets people. Idk either way I will keep the thread updated.

MN Chickadee

You do not have a legal obligation to take her home no matter what they say. You don't owe them an explanation of everything that goes into that decision, it's your decision to not be a full time caregiver and give up your life and marriage. Tell the social worker in no uncertain terms that you cannot care for her and she needs to be placed. It may take time to find the right placement but they will have to continue to work on it. 

Is this the same psych unit as before? I find it so strange that they are just saying there is nothing they can do for her even though she is not able to be cared for. Refusing to eat and go to the bathroom is not stable, and getting her to that point is their whole job. Are there any other geriatric psych units in your area to transfer her to? If she is not stable enough to be accepted by a facility then she isn't going to be stable enough to be cared for by you alone at home. It sounds like they are just trying to shirk out of responsibility for a difficult case. Tell them you will not be caring for her at home and stick to it. Taking her home and waiting for her health to decline so she will be easily accepted by a facility could take years. You will sacrifice everything. 

ButterflyWings

Hi Man,

I agree with you, and all the members who see it is not a workable situation for you to be your mother’s caregiver. As long as you are the contact person, signing her in or out, and answering the med teams’ and family’s calls, I think you will be seen as the person in charge. 

Ditto to MN Chickadees post. Say (to the facility) a short and sweet “No, I cannot be responsible for her care.” “She cannot stay here”. Then stop taking the calls, stop re-engaging on this topic.

I have “listened” very closely since your first post, and can see you are at the end of your rope, but still trying to get people to understand and agree, which they clearly will not. They can’t make you take her to your home. So please don’t. Family is not taking her in either, so they don’t get a vote. 

I’m going to be even more blunt now. If you harm her, you will be the one placed—in a psych setting or criminal one, and there goes your marriage and life. You don’t have to explain it to not one more person. We who understand, get it. Save yourself and your wife. You have done all that you can and that is enough. I hope this does not sound too harsh, but please stop explaining your needs to people who don’t care. The more you stay on the merry-go-round of seeking permission to exercise your right to independence, there you will be. In a situation that is not safe for you emotionally or financially, and there are other major red flags.

Please just say no today and then stop talking. You have stated several times in your posts feelings like this: “  I am getting to the point where I think I have to hurt her for people to see that I cannot do this...”

Tell them you cannot take her. They will find a good placement for her at her own expense and help get the funding in place. That is their job. You can let go. Please do. 

dayn2nite2

Do not continue talking to social work other than to say "she cannot come back to my home.  It is unsafe for us and for her."

Do NOT call them to get a list of facilities they have tried to reach out to them.  Just don't.

Don't insert yourself any further in the conversation.  Don't "help."

It's their job to find a placement for her.  Will it be to your liking?  Probably not.  It may be too far, maybe it's not a 5-star facility.  But if anyone takes her that is how it has to be.  People who had mental illness prior are very difficult to place and often the hospital guilts and bullies the family into taking the patient back home so the problem is off their plate.

Just keep repeating I CAN'T TAKE HER BACK HOME SHE CANNOT LIVE HERE.  Tell your wife to shut her phone off too.  They'll figure it out.

Quilting brings calm

First/ do not physically hurt your mother.  That won’t get her care and it will get your life ruined.  Now onto other comments:  

Based on every thing you have posted. The dementia part of your moms equation sounds like mild cognitive decline, if she is capable of cooking, ADLs, IADLs. It sounds like they are attributing her paranoia and delusions to her pre existing mental illnesses. 

Regardless of the causes of her issues - it is not your responsibility to care for her in your home.  It’s not your responsibility to pay for her care elsewhere either. Regardless of what other people say. You cannot be expected to destroy your marriage and your financial future ( your own retirement later) to care for her.  The people that are telling you this aren’t caring for her 24/7.  The professionals that are telling  you that you have to do it are failing at their jobs if the only way she stays sane is living with you. 

Refuse to take her home.  Refuse to stay on the phone if they continue to tell you to do so. 

Unknown By Man

Nah it is a different facility, she is currently at Bellevue Hospital-Psychiatry, I tried for a different hospital where her current doctors are not affiliated with. She was stable when I brought her, she stopped eating and using the bathroom the moment I left her. I already spoke with them and explain that she cannot come back home to me. According to them they are able to get her to eat and comply with tasks if they mention I am going to get her. She was stable when I brought her, she stopped eating and using the bathroom the moment I left her. They have told me because it is mostly behavioral / a choice by her that getting her stable in the facility is not possible with medication. 

Way the example it was she is making this choice, outside of giving her the proper motivation you we cannot get her to comply. Medication will not alter that, it may make it worse and none of the doctors are willing to take that risk especially given how high functioning she currently is. She was able to give them the name of her other doctors and the spoke with them which is were they got the pervious treatments they have tried, dosages, length of time. Pretty much they got all her clinical notes which was my greatest fear. I was hopping they would comprise their own clinical notes and use those recommendations for placement. It appears they are doubling down, and will be putting a report in with APS which I figured would happen. Cause my mom technically lives in her own apartment, they were going to discharge her this morning since she was able to eat go to the bathroom more or less they claim she had no medical reason to stay in their care. They tried to have EMS take her home but I refuse to go and give her the keys to her apartment or be present at the apartment thus why APS is being called. Since EMS will not take her without the keys, though my mom is currently discharged at the moment. So waiting on APS, I already got a phone call from the local police asking why I refuse to give my mom her keys back into her apartment. I told them they truth she is not safe to be left unattended, and I cannot watch her anymore. So as it speaks right now my phone is getting blown up from the hospital, private numbers, and family. Good fun. 

I am currently trying to see if I can transfer her to another facility but she was discharged the hospital is not willing to transfer her. So I would have to get her, which I am trying to avoid in the first place sinceI do not want to be seen as a viable option. 

I told them it is not safe for her to be home by herself, and I refuse to come and give her the keys to her apartment that was the last thing I have said to them, but now it is a waiting game. As dark as it sounds I do not think they would commit me if I hurt my mother, I already tried to get myself committed when I nearly killed her. They legit discharged me 30 min later with my mother in my care. 

I know I have no legal obligation, that is not my issue. I wish I could turn the part of me that cares off, it is hard. I am the type of person that just hates to see people suffer even if I know I am getting played. I once spent over $400 on Christmas gifts when some family was begging outside of a baby’s r us. I had a feeling I was getting played, but I put those feelings aside. Saw the same family doing the same thing next year. I just smiled. I get I am naive and gullible, I find myself worrying about others I should not worry about. I am sticking to my guns, though part of me is scared cause I have to live with this choice for the rest of my life. 

My mom and dad use to say we raised a kind hearted kid, though my uncle loves to tell me my sister raised a pussy, That said I am sticking to my guns, it is hard though cause it is not safe for her to wander around 1st ave. I mean she “might” be able to find her way home, but I her tracker is at home. We shall see what comes of this, I have an empty pit in my stomach and I have already thrown up three times due to anxiety. This is what happens when I do something selfish for myself every time it always blows up into something far greater. 

I did speak with my lawyer and asked could I just leave her home by herself if they discharged her, or even pursue legal action. I could leave her home, but if something were to happen to her or anyone else in the apartment building I could find myself responsible, and such cases come down to a civil matter, and it would be set in a family oriented district which does not play into my hands. Which I figured cases of negligence are a pain to prove. Though that is for another day I have two and half years I think to file. 

Though we are drafting up formal complaints that will be sending to every news outlet and political figure in the NY district cause what they are doing is wrong on so many different levels. 

I am on a razors edge, but it will take a lot for me to go lose that much control and hurt her, or the proper trigger. Which is why I refuse my wife’s help cause I take a personal beating like Kick-a**, and not fight back like a man strapped to a chair. Though hurt or insult someone I care about, we got a different story. Idc who it is the pope, a child, an MMA fighter something is going down. 

Jokes aside I have no intention of hurting her cause she is hurting me, though if she starts to belittle my wife like she did in the past it is over for her. Which does put me a weird spot cause my wife does want to help me, but I know they do not get along enough and to see my wife just take such insults again is something I refuse to do. 

That said I am sticking my guns, and holding like they they did with $GME. I joke right now cause I am going crazy right now. The amount of phone calls I am getting. I refuse to go home right now cause I am afraid people will try and find me. Currently the wife and I are driving upstate to chill.

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Unknown By Man

She is able to score around a 24, she is still at the stage where she can fake it with the best of them if she puts her mind to it. To be honest I am in agreement with her doctors in that they think the paranoia and delusions are just another means of attention seeking behavior. Cause according to them when they told her she will be going home, her scores went from a 9 to 25. 

Though mild impairment is possible her  memory has always been lackluster even when I was a child. I had to keep track of our appointments, and remind her of daily tasks cause she would often forget. I am no better, but I got into the habit of writing everything down.  Though it is hard to determine given we do not have any baseline to go off of prior to her stroke, and from the stroke outside of bouts her scores are fairly constant across the board. So hard to say, though my mom has always been well read, loved working with her hands, puzzles, and learning new things. I get testing people like that is annoying and sometimes they can  compensate much longer then others which makes it hard to test. 

socialmeg

Hi,

I just wanted to add a comment, as you mentioned being on the spectrum. How incredibly challenging this all must be for you. You have likely had difficulties navigating different parts of life yourself. I'm happy you have a partner and that relationship is precious and should be protected (I'm making assumptions here that it's a loving/caring relationship). I'm just chiming in to say if the staff actually knew and understood anything about life on the spectrum they would lay off the guilt tripping. That is just completely wrong.

Emotional regulation and coping skills can be challenging for folks on the spectrum. It's not your fault either. I'm not saying you should tell them all your business as that is a personal decision but if they continue to push you like that and knew you had your own challenges going on, sounds like complete ignorance and legit incompetence by these facilities as well as your mom's care team. Perseverating is a real thing, that's maybe why you keep encaging and trying to explain yourself, hoping to finally be understood by this team and thus supported in your search for a placement for your mom. 

I'm just feeling a lot of compassion for you man....no easy answers. 

Unknown By Man

I get what you are saying, and only reason I am trying to find a solution within the system cause that is the only resource I have available to me. I will not let them bully me into taking care of her, but I also do not have the heart to let her wander around NY either not that I think they have the balls to let her leave the hospital on her accord discharged or not. Though the way I have a few lawyers explain it to me, yes my mother is responsible for her behavior and actions especially cause you are not listed as her guardian. So criminal negligence is not not a factor, though evil is a different story cause I did leave my mother willingly alone in her apartment if something were to happen. In the civil scope is where I face issues, and her neighbors will throw me under the bus. She lives in a slightly upscale apartment complex.

That said as mentioned in other posts I know what must be done, and I am trying but it is hard. If I had the stomach for this I would have made her a ward of the state long ago and just packed up and left NY the moment my father passed. As odd as it sounds leaving someone to suffer is far harder then just ending the suffering quick and easy. Though that is not an option, just the POV I have, Still no call from APS yet, police have called me 17 times though. This will be a fun day.  

Unknown By Man

Well got off the phone with APS and my lawyer, we were in a conference call. Unfortunately, I am nor legaly allowed to keep my mom out of her apartment even if I feel it is unsafe for her to be home alone. They will take into consideration but I cannot be proactive in this case. So I gave them the number of her neighbor who has a spare set, so she will be letting her in. 

My lawyer and I did note our concerns, and after we spoke with APS they are going to continue to investigate the situation so we will see what comes from it We did call the hospital social worker to voice our formal concerns and they told us if you truly feel she is unsafe at home call 911 and go from there. So this is were I fall I am not coming back to the city for two weeks. I told the hospital and APS she will be alone and I will not be coming back to the city since I am under no legal obligation to do so.  It was hard but we shall see, as my lawyer said I can see be at risk in a civil case if something were to happen but we shall cross that bridge if we get to it. 

Icing on the cake is my mom left me a voice-mail telling me I will regret this. So we shall see. Either way the day was eventful. Well I still find it funny they were able to discharge her just because her score went up and she became civil either way our healthcare system at work, 

Quilting brings calm

I wish someone with legal expertise in your state would sign in here and comment.  I don’t understand what the civil case would be for something you are not legally obligated to do. Unless your state has some sort of filial laws - but then your lawyer would be telling you that you do have a legal obligation.  Do you have full legal and financial  power of attorney?  Is that the civil issue/ if so, you can follow a process to remove yourself from that responsibility. They can’t force you to be someone’s power of attorney.  They can’t force you to be a guardian either. 

I do understand that you couldn’t lock her out of her apartment without going through an eviction process. Is that the issue- that you could be sued as her landlord if something happens in the apartment?  

Unknown By Man

The way my lawyer explained it to me was say if your mom burned down the apartment. The fact I left her alone without proper supervision in place means that given our neighbors could pursue civil negligence. Since it comes down what would a reasonable person do, by most standards in a civil case I would hard pressed to prove that a reasonable person would simply leave someone alone in such a situation. That is where my where my legal troubles can come from. More or less they can say I ignored the signs and left her in a situation where she was able to harm others around her due to my choice to leave her alone. 

Our area is not the kindest when it comes to such issues according to my lawyer. Though the problem stems that it requires a jury trial, and as such my situation is not sympathetic to a jury. Though as my lawyer said we will cross that bridge if it comes to it. As it stands my mother has not done anything like that before, but she is a vindictive person so I am not writing it off. It is something I have to be concerned about. Granted I do have some defense since the hospital is the one that discharged her and let her go home, but some fault will fall on my if someone due sue. 

Though 

Unknown By Man

Does anyone have any experience dealing with APS? Generally how do investigations go when they open a case? Any tips for dealing with them? Should I be present for the meeting? I am currently still upstate. 

NizhoniGrrl

I'm glad that you are staying firm in your decision not to take her back in. What kind of housing situation is she in now? Who pays the rent? At what point will she be evicted? Can you alert the local police to let her know that you have concerns about her living alone since she is mentally ill?

I understand your worry about liability, but it seems you are really between a rock and a hard place. I feel like at some point you need to tell the people pressuring you that the stress of taking care of her has made you suicidal in the past and that she is not safe with you. I think that would be hard to argue with.

She sounds like the type of person that would prefer to be homeless than to abide by other people's rules or expected behaviors. That may be the choice she makes. It's not rational, but this is part of our problem as a country in dealing with mental illness. She is clearly mentally in and unable to care for herself. How on earth is it that there is literally no place for her to go? This isn't your fault. Continue to protect yourself and your future.

Unknown By Man

Currently the property manger is working with us, they are post dating her rent to make the most out of ERAP to buy my mother time to get her rental assistance voucher to be approved. When it is approved majority of her rent will be covered by the voucher then the rest will be done through automated payments.

So currently she is not in danger of being evicted, the manger is working with us cause they like my mom she has been here for 16 years. My parents were easy tenants so they have expressed a desire to not lose her as a tenants. 

My mom in her heart of hearts most likely thinks her family or I will save her cause that is more or less how it has always been. Especially her family they bailed her out countless times thus why I still personally hate them but I understand why they do not wish to help. I will see if APS will be willing to take guardianship over her during our meeting on the 10th.

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Phoenix1966

My first post but I have been lurking here for months. Let me share my experience with APS(your mileage may vary). 

While I had been named POA(both legal and medical) for my grandmother, she decided to keep the only copies in her possession. As her dementia worsened, she became suspicious of her family and I could not get access to the documents. Her hoarding blew up(level 5) and because she was delusional that a friend had poisoned one of her dogs(the poor, elderly girl died of stomach cancer), she no longer let her remaining dog outside ever. She was receiving food from Meals on Wheels and was just adding it to the stacks of boxes and letting the food rot in place because she had basically stopped eating. Her fridge died over the summer and it was full of maggots within weeks.  Flying insects were visible near her front door(and inside) and the smell was overwhelming. Since I didn’t want to see her live like that any more, I reached out to APS to have them pursue guardianship of her. I thought they would be the magic bullet to step in in an emergency capacity and help my grandmother. I thought they wouldn’t let her live in feces and maggots. I was wrong.

After many phone calls and a few visits by their investigator(my grandmother wouldn’t let him in, but would talk to him from the doorway, where he could clearly see and smell all the rot/garbage/dog waste), APS informed me they would not pursue guardianship, stating that they take the least restrictive route with regards to another person’s rights and didn’t believe my grandmother was a danger to herself or others, despite living in dog feces and starving herself. I told the investigator’s supervisor that I felt they were just playing the odds and hoping my 95-year-old grandmother would just die sooner rather than later and then they could wipe their hands of her. They were unmoved.

I have not had a good experience with APS. 

Unknown By Man

I mean I started the rental voucher before things went south. The original plan was to get her HHA through medicaid and have her stay in the community where the aid would handle the care for my momusing access-a-ride for outings and appointments accompanied by the aid. While I took care of the groceries and general outings with her on the weekends, and general compaionship throughout the day.. Things went south when she was not awarded hours for lack of skilled need. Though this was after I already got the ball rolling on everything else, like the ERAP, rental voucher, accesses-a-ride etc. I was willing to give a few hours everyday when the aid was not working. For 

 Since I started the process and her property's Manger is willing to work with her I figured why not. I get where you are coming from though and I agree. My parents have had rental insurance I have been paying for since Sandy. They lucked out when it came to Sandy but I did not want to take chances so I got them complete coverage. She cannot afford the payment so I will keep paying it.

 In the end it is the sick brains you have to worry about most when it comes to being crafty cause they have no filter. She has done some messed up things when my dad was around to get my attention after her stroke. She bruised her own arm my hitting herself and trying to pass it off that it was our neighbor. Silly goose forgot I put cameras all over the place. So I do have my bases covered in regards to protecting myself when it comes to most of her schemes I can think of. 

Yeah I spoke with friend that works at an agency that is often appointed guardian during such cases involving APS. For the most part their experience lines up with what you are saying they take the path of least resistance. Which is often denial anything is wrong and they hope the person dies before they hurt someone else.