Placement due to noncompliance with hygiene?

Faith1520

My husband is probably approaching late mid stage. His food intake has decreased, he takes a long time to eat, he sleeps a lot, he has difficulty dressing,  and although hasn’t fallen as much recently, he has fallen a lot. His gait is a little unsteady and he loses his balance easily. He watches television all day long and often sleeps all night in his recliner. He does absolutely nothing around the house, He has anosognosia. He is somewhat clingy with me and wants me around all the time. He has no life outside of his little world here. 

He is easy compared to some but my problem is that  he refuses to shower, shave and brush his teeth. He recently broke a tooth and his dentist said he was going to lose all of his teeth  if he doesn’t  start taking care of them. He won’t let anyone help him with ADLs because “I don’t need help,” I have tried 2 agencies but he refuses their help. He has let me help him a few times but he usually gets upset because he is quite happy just the way he is. He is starting to have bladder and bowel incontinence and I’ll find his disposable underwear in the floor because he “doesn’t like it” and I’ve had some awful messes because of that. I’ve tried all the tips and I’m at the end of my rope. I work full time from home but I’m stressed, depressed and sad. I don’t sleep well. I think it’s caregiver burnout. I’ve been thinking about assisted living in the near future but is it appropriate just because of self neglect? He still knows his home, me, his kids. He doesn’t wander but often “chats” with telemarketers and often pledges money although not large amounts. Honestly, I think he would enjoy the socialization if he would do it but he’d be so upset with me. 

Carol.T

Hi. My partner is at the beginning of this stage. I have trouble getting her into the shower. It is very frustrating. I am at a loss. She will wake up late morning and I'll ask her to shower. She says after her cigarette.  When she comes in, I remind her and she snaps back that she is already dressed.

I truly sympathize.  She said to tell her that she said to remind her tomorrow morning.  Will try. The lucidity comes and goes, so we have discussions about these things when possible. 

I've only been doing this for 2 full months and already feel the exhaustion. 

Best wishes. Wish I knew the solution.

Carol

Camoruso

I have the problem of not wanting to shower with my partner on and off. Some days I let it go and she stays in pajamas all day. I use bribery. She likes car rides and going out for breakfast but I tell her she has to take a shower first. She is stage 6 and I have to stand right outside the shower and give step by step instructions or she doesn't know what to do. I try to make it fast and get her dried quickly. Bribery may not work forever but I'll take what I can get.

Stuck in the middle

Yes, noncompliance with basic hygiene is good cause for placement in memory care.  Toileting. eating, and dressing are basic life skills, and you can't be expected to earn a living and keep up with that as well.  It is no wonder you are tired and depressed.

In your shoes, I think I would try it.  As you said, he might be happier after the initial period of anger.