Need advice on making the move to MC

miamvp

Any advice on making the move to MC?  Should I give DH some information about the fact that we'll be making the move or just spring it on him the day we plan to move?? Any help from others who have made the move would be appreciated.  DH in mid-stages, I think I have come to terms with making the decision, but still very hard to imagine actually taking him there and leaving.... Thanks and peace to you all.

Ed1937

Sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have an answer for your question, but you might find these links useful:

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147552810  

Struggling with your decision to put your loved one in a dementia nursing home? Watch this. 

Marie58

miamvp, you know your DH best and have an idea what he comprehends. When I placed my DH 16 months ago, he was already stage 7. I didn't need do a lot of explaining. Pre-covid he went there for a day program so he was already familiar with the facility, the staff, and the residents. I told him several times in the days leading up to moving him in, that I needed more help caring for him and that they opened up again. I told him they were looking forward to seeing him again, and so on. He settled in pretty easily. I hope it all goes well for the two of you.

Ernie123

The advice I was given when the time came was to just do it with no prior explanation, deal with consequences later. My DW lacked the cognitive ability to comprehend the need for the move so there was no point in trying to explain. The staff at MC facilities are used to settling people in. Let them do their job. I was told to wait a few days before visiting. I called each day and was pleased to hear she was sleeping well, was confused but not too upset. Much harder for me than her. Good luck, it is a difficult transition but better for you both in the long run.

billS

miamvp I have been exactly where you are. If things fall into place I will be delivering my wife to MC next Friday. On the advice of others here, youtube videos like the ones Ed posted above, and my contact at the facility, I plan to wait until Friday morning and tell her (lie) that I have found serious mold in the walls which will take me a couple of weeks to repair....but I have found this great place where she can stay with good people and great food where she be well cared for while I do the repairs. And as Ernie 123 said, the staff are used to helping new residents transition. Wish me luck, and best of luck to you.

miamvp

Best of luck and hope it went well!  I am looking at mid February hopefully.  This is a new facility just opening and so there are so many things yet to be seen as to staffing and so forth. The company has opened several facilities in other areas so they know what they are doing.  But the whole Covid thing causing staffing shortages and still causing people to have to be out sick, etc etc is very anxiety-provoking! Hope that things are going well for you and sorry that you are going through this dreadful situation.  Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it.

miamvp

Thank you so much for all the replies and insights.  I think I might even use Bill's story about the mold remediation in the house as a reason to have to move out -   great idea! I really appreciate everyone here, you all are so genuine and so insightful, and helpful.  And even if you are struggling with something and just want to vent, it still helps others who may be feeling the same way but not realizing that others are going through the same torments.  Peace be with you all!!

billS

I am actually wavering between two stories. One, the mold in the walls and two, "your doctor wants you to be monitored closely by skilled staff for a few days to make sure your medications are not causing problems." Decisions, decisions.