Made the move today

rdc3

Moved my mom into AL today. Very long day with mixed emotions of relief, some sadness and some apprehension. Hoping she learns some routine and builds familiarity with her surroundings. She's 68 and mid-stage. Based on some suggestions I've read here, I'm telling her the move is temporary so she doesn't push back too much.

I'm hoping she doesn't try to wander too much. She is fully mobile and perfectly healthy other than her dementia. The in-house nursing staff's evaluation said that she was still fit for AL and not at the level of MC yet. I just hope they're right and she can stay on the AL side for a bit. Anyone have experience with a case like this?

M1

Good luck; it will either fly or not.  Are you prepared to move her to MC if this is not sufficient?

rdc3

Well, there's no alternative so it will have to work. Hopefully if/when that time comes there will be an available MC room at this facility, as it's relatively convenient to several family members. Otherwise we'll have to search again.

Tfreedz

I’ve got the same situation coming up with my mom who is 70 and still very mobile and social. I’m wondering, did you move her things in at the same time as her or did you get her room set up ahead of time? I’m feeling very stressed about that part of it and also what to tell her. I know they say therapeutic fibs and temporary but I don’t know what to say?!? If you don’t mind me asking, what did you tell her the reason was? I hope all continues to go well and she adjusts quickly! They are going to try my mom on AL side first also but said if she tries to leave they will move her to MC side. I liked both sides so I’m ok with that.

rdc3

Tfreedz, my mom was living in our finished basement. Like you, I dreaded the actual move due to all of the questions and reactions we'd get from her.

We had her room set up ahead of time. The evening before the move we moved whatever small things and did whatever prep we could (shower curtain, bath mats, toiletries, etc). The morning of the move I had my wife take her to "run some errands." Really it was just to take her out of our house and kill time so she wouldn't see us moving her things. Once we had the room ready, my wife brought her to the facility. I stayed with her most of that first day (today) so she wouldn't be alone and left in the evening when she was tired and ready to sleep.

She obviously had lots of questions and wasn't happy during the moments she realized what was happening. I kept telling her it is "just for a couple of weeks" because I had to travel for work. I'll probably keep telling her that as long as I need to because she reacted somewhat well to that. As you said, "therapeutic fibs." I'll probably go every day for the next week to help her adjust and then gradually pull away. Long-term I plan on 2-3 visits per week.

Thanks for your well wishes. I wish you the best as well. Like you I'd be OK if they say she has to go to MC, but obviously due to the lower cost I hope AL works for a bit.

The4thOne

Move in day is a hard moment.  I have not heard one person say that it was excellent, and there were no follow up calls.  Guilt is part of the process.  It is the worst - that day!  When it comes to the facility and staff, you have to remember that they are the professionals in this space.  They have seen every reaction your LO may have, and they know how to re-direct and deal with it.  If they say Mom is OK, trust it.  Remember, this is new for you, not them.

Unknown By Man

I am dreading the big move for my mom. She unfortunately has to go to a place I do not approve of or like much. The building is old, outside the entrance everything is dated. The beds, evaluator, the rooms themselves everything. The food seems terrible, it appeared everyone was wheelchair bound I suspect I will be getting many phone calls. 

My mother is around your mom's age and she is still very mobile, does not need assistance with daily living but unfortunately has difficult behaviors that do make traditional placement difficult. Was less about my choice and more so who is willing to take her. I have never had much luck with lying to her, my mom can still sniff out my lies, and everyone I do she says my full name in that deep PR accent, and a cold shiver shoots up my spine. Even clench at times bracing for the sandal. 

How do you guys get around that when you parent calls you out on the lie or retains the lie that was told when the time frame comes up, and they say I thought we were leaving. 

Tfreedz

Thank you for spelling out exactly how you did it and what you said. I think that’s what’s giving me the most anxiety. Once she is settled, I’m sure my mom (as well as yours) will like the activities, meals and socialization. I’m hoping that I will be able to get back to my own life and be her daughter rather than her caregiver. The savings at the AL is a huge deal and from what I’ve heard quite a large percent have dementia, I guess it all depends on if they are a wander risk.

Please keep us posted here on how well she adjusts and any tips you have along the way.