Curtail spending

ElCy

So my husband has been spending about 90.00 a day on groceries. There are only two of us, so obviously this is overkill. I’ve already put limits on his ATM. I know he shops out of boredom  and to feel like he is doing something for the household. But, we are bleeding money.

Stuck in the middle

I don't know anyone so wealthy that they can afford to permit a PWD unfettered access to their money.  A friend's husband started buying lottery tickets out of boredom and wasted $1,000 before she found out.

jordansfca

How is he spending the money? Online?

Can you stop his debit or credit card? He may be able to go through the order process but not complete the order.

Or perhaps you can disconnect the computer he is using and say the internet is down.

ElCy

He is still driving and goes to the store while I am at work. If the debit card doesn’t go through he calls me to leave work and fix it.

jordansfca

I would be worried about more than his spending.

Problems I see:

- he's still driving. This is dangerous for him and everyone on the roads

- he's a target for crime if someone sees him and realizes he's not 100%. I was in line with my father at Walmart, waiting to pay. A man behind me started talking to my father & asked him to pay for his groceries. I set the guy straight very quickly. But if he had been alone, who knows what would happen either in the store or when he left.

Good luck to you. It's tough when they are losing their independence. Consider his safety above all else.

Rescue mom

You are so terribly in danger of losing serious money, and that’s money you are going to need. Either he will spend it or someone will scam him. Can you create a separate account for him to use a debit card with, and keep very little money in it. He doesn’t need to know about your real, major account. Or give him old/sample/expired ATM cards. If he calls you at work saying the card doesn’t work, tell him work will not let you leave and you’ll deal with it “later.” Or tell him you’ll “make a call” and take care of it. You can tell him work will not let you leave any more. But what’s going on now puts you on a path to major problems.

harshedbuzz

Maybe it's time for a day program.

sandwichone123

My dh also still drives and spends out of boredom. I've taken away the ATM card and credit cards and I give him a cash allowance every week. About midweek I reassess how much money he has left and sometimes give him more, but it does give me significant control over spending, where before he would put stuff on credit or open a new loan to free up some credit.  :-0 

I have talked to several professionals who tell me he can still drive, so I'm content with that. He is not showing the signs that I've read as "take the keys away" yet. As soon as he can no longer drive, I have a daycare chosen because I think he would be bored off his skull at home while I am still working.

Marfa

My dh still drives, plays bridge and bingo, but has no control when it comes to charging expensive things. I have put limits on the cards where I am primary, but what about the others?

M1

Hi Marfa and welcome to the forum. You will get more responses if you start a new discussion--no worries, it takes a while to get used to the mechanics of the site.

You probably should finagle a way to get the other cards away from him. To you have power of attorney? You are going to need it, if you have it you can close the accounts and freeze his credit at all three agencies too. If you don't have it, that is your first step: talk to a certified elder law attorney. Important to do while he can still sign.

​NorthWoods

ElCy, I can’t say this strongly enough. While I was at work my husband literally drove us in to bankruptcy - literally! Go to the bank and immediately stop all cards he has access to. ( you can, at a minimum ask for new cards for existing accounts) You can get him prepaid cards but that’s it. Open account in your name only that your parcheck and any other significant monies go into. Talk to an attorney about how to get all assets into your name. If you don’t have POA, get it. Also talk to his doctor about driving safety. He’s teetering on a very dangerous edge between ok and not ok.

I tell you this with love. It’s terribly hard to take away their independence and to accept that you have to. I happily sytayed in denial for far too long. Please take serious action before you find yourself in too deep. Once you are, getting out is a long hard road Here for you - any time

M1

This is an old thread. ElCy's husband died several months ago.

​NorthWoods

Thank you for letting me know.

Marfa

Is it too late to get a POA when he's showing this mega-spending bahavior?

Marfa

What steps should I take to replace the tax documents he has lost. 1099's, receipts, etc. In previous years, he has stowed them away in a manilla envelope until the last possible time to take them to the CPA. But I can't find any manilla envelope in his mess of an office.

Ed1937

Marfa, welcome aboard, but sorry you need it. Please start a new discussion with your questions. You will get help, but probably not very much if you post in an old thread. To start a new discussion, click on the orange plus sign (bottom, right), then "new discussion".

Marfa

Thank you for the help, but I'm not seeing an orange plus sign. Am I looking in the wrong place?