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French

I came back from Tunisia 2 weeks ago now. I call my partner in Tunisia every other days. For the moment, he tells me « I am fine! ». 

He is quite occupied and the caregiver goes out with him everyday : to the marina, to the Medina… They even take a taxi to visit the surrounding cities. He went golfing with a resident's husband and really enjoyed it. He is unable to play but it is a fun outing.

During the day, everything is fine. At night, it's a different story. He comes out of his room and knocks on doors and tells the night shift that he is going to knock on them. The real problem is that he doesn't sleep. I have never seen him violent, even verbally. They tried herbal medicine. No improvement. So he had an appointment with the neurologist (they can have appointments with all the specialists the next day, impressive). He now takes quetiapine and it seems better. 

I booked flights for the end of February. I intend to go every 2 months and to spend the weekend there.

Me ? I feel the lack of stress. The daily stress is completely gone and anxiety about the future has greatly decreased. For the moment, I have done nothing but tidying the house and working. But I spend more time with my son and he appreciates that I help him in mathematics (I love solving math problems).

I think I will need time to find my way in this single life. I really have no clue about what I want to do now. I am 50 years old. I don’t feel young and I don’t feel old… it is strange. Covid and winter don’t help…

M1

Good to hear your update French, and glad the quetiapine is helping--it has made a huge difference for my partner with ability to sleep through the night.  

Give yourself time, I'm sure it's a long process to re-orient yourself.  I like math problems too.  Concrete, one answer.  

abc123

Dear French, Thank you for the update! I wish I was 50 again. Give yourself time, enjoy your son and your job. I am very proud of you. You have accomplished many good things for your partner. Now it's time for you and your son.

Ed1937

French, I'm glad to hear that things are going that well. And at 50, you're nothing but a kid! You have a lot of years left, so enjoy them to the fullest.

Buggsroo

French,

So glad your life is getting back to normal. I am glad your husband also is on meds that help him sleep all night. My husband only sleeps a few hours and then is up and walks about. I am getting used to it, I just go to bed anyways. 

I do math problems to keep sharp, they are fun, however, I believe you are way better at than myself.

Joydean

French, it is so good to hear everything is going so well for your partner. As others have said, it’s time for you to enjoy your son, and take care of yourself. At 50    honey you are not old!  Do what makes you happy for a change.

Iris L.

It's great that you all are adjusting and doing well!

Iris

Pat6177

French wrote:

I think I will need time to find my way in this single life. I really have no clue about what I want to do now. 

I believe you have had a couple of intense years and now need time to heal. Be kind to yourself. Transitions can be challenging. Be sure to keep us posted.

Beachfan

French,

Here in the USA, 50 is the new 30 (or so I’m told).  Enjoy this new phase of your life.  You’ve paid your dues. While you still care for your partner in your heart, take time for your family and yourself.  Life is short.  

Stuck in the middle

Thank you for sharing your good news.  Your success gives me hope for my future.

JoseyWales

I'm so glad to hear your update, and happy that your LO is finding happiness in his current home. I'm also happy for you, that you now have time to spend with your son and time to find normal again.

I understand what you're saying about not feeling young and not feeling old. I'm 54. DH will be placed soon. What do I do then? Obviously I have years of working ahead of me. But how do I fill the weekends? My vacation time? How will I even plan for retirement? Right now I'm leaving all those questions to be answered later. The furthest I can plan into the future is finally being able to clean up my house once I'm alone. 

abc123

All you youngsters! At 50 -54! How wonderful for you! I’m 62 now, lost my husband at 54. I wish I could call for a “do over”! Enjoy your 50’s as much as you possibly can! Wishing you all much happiness.

ButterflyWings

Thanks for the updates French.

I will confess, I was on the edge of my seat going into the holidays, hoping you both would get off to Tunisia ok -- outwitting both omicron, potential border closings or flight cancellations, and any last minute family obstacles. We all were, and are still, rooting for you as you can tell. 

Seriously, several times I crossed my fingers for you... until we received that first report-back. It felt a little bit like the suspense from an exciting adventure movie, which I'd hoped (and felt) most surely would have a happy ending! I'm glad your LO is in good hands and you are free.

I echo what's been said about what a great job you have done for both your partner and yourself. Take time to regroup. You have followed through on some good choices in the face of tragic circumstances and the universe is already rewarding you. That's something we all can try to do at any/every age I guess. I will keep this in mind as I face AD every day, in a pandemic, home with my DH and doing none of the things we had planned for this phase of our lives. (I'm with abc123, I'd like a do-over too, please.) Happy for you though. Enjoy your new normal and take your time figuring out what is next.

French

Thank you all for your kind thoughts 

Quetiapine at 25mg worked only two nights… they increased after 1 week, and it worked the 3 last nights. I just had a look at the camera. He was already sleeping at 9:00 pm. But I am not sure he sleeps all the night, and I won’t check because I will sleep.  Will see. 

In any case, this week he also has been agitated in the day, once. 

The caregiver told me his mother called and told him « if you want to come back in France, you must say it ». She is really crazy and selfish. She can’t accept that it is the best solution. She just thinks that she can’t see him. She has already forget that in any case he refuses to see her. 

It scares me because I know that she will insist, and his sister too. If they call in the evening, when he is alone, what he doesn’t like, they could succeed in influencing him.

As you can see, I am not completely relieved. At least I don’t have the daily stress anymore. I continue to call every other day because I need it. He is very happy when I call. 

I continue to come here to have news because I've grown attached to you. You are so courageous and also so kind to each other. It is very pleasant. 

M1

French, since you have power of attorney, can you speak to the staff about the telephone calls? Is there a way to limit access so that his family can only call at certain times when he is not alone? Just wondering. Glad you are doing okay. And by the way from the pictures he's a pretty big guy, doesn't surprise me a bit that they might need to increase the quetiapine dose (it's still low compared to what is used in schizophrenia).

Stuck in the middle

French wrote:

I continue to come here to have news because I've grown attached to you. You are so courageous and also so kind to each other. It is very pleasant. 

I am happy to hear from you as well.  I like you and it pleases me to hear you are doing well.

Sorry about his mother.

Do you know the penalty for bigamy?  Two sets of in-laws. 

Ed1937

French, thanks for the update. Sorry you are still having problems with his mother. We're always glad to hear from you. Don't be a stranger.

Emily 123

I was wondering how things were going, French!  It sounds like a lovely place. I'm glad that you are here still,  letting us know how things are going.  Remember that it will take him a while to settle in.  M1's suggestion of having staff intercept calls while that occurs sounds like a good one.  Is that possible?  It would be good to keep her contact limited, since she isn't looking out for his best interests.  

You've done such a wonderful job taking care of your partner.  

His mother sounds unhinged.

Joydean

French, it’s good to hear from you. Sorry his mother keeps trying to undo all you have been doing for his protection. You have worked so hard! Just know you are missed and we all care about you. Hope you are getting some much needed rest!  Take care. 

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