Tell me I'm doing a good job....

JoseyWales

I feel like quitting.

I'm going nuts trying to get DH placed. Paperwork for Medicaid. Paperwork for financial stuff related to caregivers. Nursing home I picked is not accepting new residents, and not sure when they will again. That's OK, because paperwork for Medicaid is taking forever to get collected. And it seems like I need something else for the lawyer every time I turn around. Or something went wrong with some paperwork, and someone needs it done differently. Or I just plain can't find what I need.

DHs meds are only partially working. Another appointment this afternoon, I hope to stop the constant crying and required attention from me to stop meltdowns. He's been crying all morning and wanting to go home, and telling me I need to leave. However the roads are ice (and I'm trying to teach from home - not happening.)

School - challenging to stay the least right now. I have more issues with parents of students who have behavior problems than I've ever had in my career. And I can't complete work because of DH. Who needs constant attention when I'm with him, or there's a meltdown.

All I want to do is sit myself down with a cup of something, turn on the TV and do NOTHING. In quiet. By myself. Normal people get to do that sometimes, right?

abc123

Josey, It all sucks, everything about it sucks. You are in my thoughts and prayers, everyday. I hope you can find 5 minutes of peace and quiet today, somehow. We are all here for you.

abc123

Josey, YOU ARE DOING A VERY GOOD JOB. You are a trooper and an inspiration to many of us here.

LadyTexan

JOSEY - 

YOU ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB! You are obviously committed to getting the best care for your husband while maintaining a demanding career and doing right by your students. I would say you are superwoman and superhuman. I am sorry it is so intense for you. You certainly deserve a break to catch your breath. You remain in my prayers.

-LT

JoseyWales

Thanks LT and abc123.  Sometimes sitting here feeling sorry for myself gets lonely. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself where others would know. LOL

Marie58

Josey, you're amazing!! Even if you don't feel like you're getting it ALL done, think of how much you ARE getting done. You're DH is blessed to have you. You're in my prayers and I truly hope you get even a small break today to catch your breath.

PS I was a sped teacher until I retired early to care for DH. I can only imagine what you're dealing with at school and can't believe you are doing as much as you are. You're amazing!

toolbeltexpert

Josey I sure don't  know how you do it. Teachers have it hard enough. Praying for ya to have your 5 minutes of quiet you deserve it.

mrl

Josey,

My social worker told me "you're doing the best you can in a very bad situation" Hang in there you're doing a good job

Michele

Ed1937

Josey, you are one of the people here who have it over the top rough. I have also wondered how you do what you do. I hope things come to an end soon, and you can get him placed. You are only human, and I hope you can find a way to get a break today. A break where you just forget about everything, and just enjoy yourself with music or a book.

JoseyWales

Thanks again all.

Ed - I do have it tough... but I know it could be worse. No "accidents" yet, unless you count peeing in the garbage can. And all bowel movements are in the toilet! And he's now sleeping through the night most nights. That's been a huge improvement. I can usually get him to shower at least twice a week. I'm counting my blessings again!

And while work is a big stress, it's also a break for me. I love almost all of my students. Those I don't like, I usually like.

It's just days like today when it all builds up and I realize just how much I have to do and I feel like I can never catch up, and he's crying/upset demanding attention. Ugh. 

M1

Virtual hugs Josey.  You've been through the wringer.  There WILL be an end to it one way or the other.   Hang in, we're rooting for you.

Paris20

Josey, you are doing more than anyone can ask of herself. There are no thank-yous in this ordeal. We do what we must do without any compensation. I don’t mean money but some sort of acknowledgement of the incredible job we caregivers do. Often, dealing with dementia is just one of several responsibilities and stressors, as you described. My 99 year old mother had a stroke yesterday, is in the ICU, hundreds of miles away. Nobody can visit because of Covid. I spent hours on the phone with doctors, nurses, family and friends. After giving meds to my terminally ill beagle, I tried to get some sleep when my husband asked me what was wrong. I told him for the umpteenth time about my mother. He yelled at me for keeping it from him. Grrrr!

Ed1937

Paris, I'm sorry. Hope you get some good news soon.

John1965

I was teaching full-time when DW was first diagnosed, and continued to teach for a year and a half after her diagnosis. Teaching is an all consuming job. ... I was able to take time off under FMLA and had enough sick days saved over my career that I received full pay for an entire school year before deciding not to return to the classroom. I suggest you look into taking time off, and hopefully you have enough sick days accrued to keep you solvent during that time. 

You are doing a great job! If I were still working in the current environment, I'd punch the administrator delivering the "self-care" rah-rah bs. 

arizonadianne

You’re doing a great job! Actually you’re doing TWO great jobs! Time to schedule some me-time so you can keep it up.

I hope you can arrange for respite soon. Is adult day care an option so you can have a day or a half-day to yourself? 

And remind yourself often—something like (you choose the positive words), “I am so good at this, and look at all the love I get to give!”

ButterflyWings

(((Josey))) I’m counting at least 4 important FULL TIME jobs you are doing:

• #1: spouse + 24/7 caregiver; 
• #2: Educator; 
• #3: Medicaid + AL/MC placement coordinator; 
• #4: Individual human being 

I just spent HOURS trying to make progress on DH’s various possible veteran’s benefits. All day actually. Not much progress yet. Thankfully he has been looking at a magazine and old piece of junk mail the entire time pretty much and very cooperative with bathroom breaks, eating & taking meds (hope I’m not jinxing myself!) IJS, just saying he has been super easy today- yet like you, I am still out of steam and ready to sit down with any beverage and do nothing (without feeling guilty, or falling further behind!) 

Meltdowns and everything you are navigating, make you a double superhero in my book. I’m thinking “good job” is an understatement!!! A+++ and put all the previous comments on “repeat”! 

Shevie

JosieW, you stay strong and remember you matter. As stated by all the caregiver cheerleaders here on this forum. You are doing the very best you can. Do be hard on yourself. DH is so lucky you are there with love. Hugs and prayers

Buggsroo

Josey, you are superwoman and you are doing an excellent job. We caregivers are a special breed, not from choice but because we have to. You, Josey are juggling so many balls in the air. I hope you can get your paperwork sorted, it can’t be easy. Sending you a virtual hug, and a hope for some you time.

Lills

Josey,

I can't imagine teaching AND caring for your DH.  Teaching is all-consuming, as is being a caregiver.  Yes, you are a superwoman!  

Someday, when you are sitting in front of your TV and doing nothing, you'll look back on this time and KNOW how amazing you were.  

Quilting brings calm

You are doing a great job.  Would it be helpful to get someone to help you with the Medicaid forms etc?  Yes it’s an expense, but they’d get done quicker.

Joydean

Dear Josey, caregivers are not normal! They surpassed normal, and you are truly super woman! My sister was a professor for many years and I remember how she loved her students but all the paperwork was so time consuming.you are doing it and taking excellent care of DH. Pity parties , even “normal “ people have them to. I hope you get your much deserve 5 or 20 minutes for yourself today! And just breathe. Will be thinking of you.