DH was admitted to hospice yesterday - I am relieved & sad

LadyTexan

Yesterday, DH was assessed for Palliative Care with Company A and Hospice Care with Company B. He was accepted into both programs. I terminated the Palliative Care with Company A in favor of the Hospice Care with Company B.

I am both relieved and sad that he was accepted into hospice. If all I have heard is true, hospice will be a very helpful resource. 

As usual, I am second guessing myself, e.g., is it too soon? did I select the right hospice agency for us (keep in mind, I didn't have a lot of options)? is this what is best for DH?

I know bringing in hospice is not signing a death sentence for DH, but somehow it feels wrong, like I am giving up on him. I realize that is nonsensical thinking. The feeling is real.

JoseyWales

I'm glad he was admitted. I am sure you'll get support.

And yes, it was the right hospice agency. Because you'll make it be the right one. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that second guessing our choices causes nothing but frustration. Choose from what you know, and then go with it without looking back.

It is the right decision - because of the support you'll get.

abc123

Lady, I was checking in to see if you had posted any updates. I am grateful he was accepted into a hospice because I care about you both. If the hospice you have is anything like the one we have, your DH will get one on one attention from them. They will make everything about him, the same way you have been doing all along. Even though my LO is stage 7, she has improved from the special attention she gets from the hospice people. It's hard for me to explain it, but I think having the attention from different people could be what is making the difference for my LO. 

I was sad too when we signed up for hospice but I also felt a sense of relief. Again, it's hard for me to explain.

I think of you both every day. I hope and pray that the hospice you have will be a blessing for you both. Sending you love and peace. 

Marie58

Lady T, I know what you mean. It's another step down in this journey, that only goes one direction. My DH has been in Hospice for 4 months now. I should have actually done it sooner because of all the positives. I know it varies from state to state and company to company, but the support has been great. For my DH they provide a hospital bed, air mattress to prevent pressure sores, 2 bed baths per week, 2 nurse visits per week, wound care for the pressure sore on his heel, a chaplain visit and social worker visit per week, his Rx meds, and all his incontinent products...briefs, wipes, pads, lotion, etc. I'm sorry your DH is at this point, but I'm glad you will both get extra support. Blessings.

jfkoc

You have brought in extra care...That is not giving up!

Ed1937

Lady, how could you even ask yourself if this is best for him? You have been standing on your head for several months for him. You know this is best for both of you! Ask yourself where he would be with someone else, instead of you. That will give you the answer. You have done way more than most anybody would have. He would have been gone long ago. You have been a soldier's soldier.

M1

You ARE doing the right thing LT.  Thought distortions can sabotage us at every turn.  Let us know how it goes please, thinking of you both (and Hap).  Looking at my dog out in the snow right now (white dog, white snow).

Battlebuddy

  I agree with folks are saying it’s the right decision because of all the help you get. I think in a few weeks you will look at it differently . You will think of it as just another team of support/ helpers . For me having a nurse come once a week that was checking him gave me someone I could talk about things real time. It has been invaluable. The supplies will help you financially being on a fixed income. Your not locked into anything.  I’m so glad you were able to get this kind of help now. It’s been a long tough road for you. Lean on them and let them take some of the weight.

   

White Crane

Dear Lady T, I'm sorry it has come to this but at the same time I'm relieved.  You have gone through so much the last few months.  I know your feelings are real and I know you love your husband very much.  You have gone above and beyond and now you are bringing in help.  God bless you and give you peace.  Holding you in prayer.

Brenda

ButterflyWings

Dear LT, I am so happy for you both that you both will be getting additional services.

Expanding the care team is a good thing. I understand the mixed emotions though. Definitely experienced that myself when I signed the hospice paperwork but I also am so grateful to have accessed these resources for him.

I remember when you brought your DH home. I was afraid for you, but look how you have managed to keep you both safe while continuing to adjust and advocate as things change. You have made the best of your choices at every turn as far as I can see. Also, if he were placed at this time, he would be receiving the things you will now receive at home. No need to deprive yourself of this support that you are so deserving of. 

And you know, if you give this a try and don’t feel good about it in a month or two, you can always cancel hospice and switch back to palliative or a different level of care.

I hope you are 1000% happy with the team you get. I have had 2 experiences with hospice (DH and another LO). Several on our team(s) I am sure are angels, here on earth. Wishing you peace and reassurance that you are again choosing the best for your DH. 

Buggsroo

Lady T, 

I know you are second guessing yourself, please don’t. This means your husband will be cared for with more ressources. I think you have done what is best for him. I can imagine your ambiguous feelings but you do feel some relief. Sometimes, it is hard to accept help, but it is for the best, you have given your husband amazing care. No decision is forever, but for now this sounds like a good thing. I wish you peace and rest.

Jeff86

What a mixture of emotions.  It must be a relief to contemplate having some super competent help.  You have shouldered this very large burden for a long time with very limited support.  I can’t help but be glad to think of you having some burden-sharing.  

  And yet there’s sadness too.  Maybe, just maybe, the issue isn’t that you’re ‘giving up’ on him, but that acceptance by hospice is an acknowledgement of your DH’s disease progression.  Every time we’re confronted with more loss, there’s more grief to experience.  

You are doing the right thing.  Totally.  It is an act of love to get the most and best care you can get for your LO.

Quilting brings calm

I’m glad you got the extra help.  Yet I fully understand your feeling that this signifies you have reached the last stage.   However long that is, and there is no option to get off the path. I agree with others. You are adding extra pairs of eyes to help deal with your husbands issues/ and also to make sure that you are a little better taken care of too.

Joydean

Lady T, you and your husband both deserve this extra help. Now you can be a little relaxed and just spend this time with your husband, not having to do all the work. For the time they are there helping, you get a better chance to be his wife, not always caregiver. You deserve it, he deserves it. Thinking of you both God bless both of you and hospice team.

Last Dance

Lady Texan,      Yes bringing in Hospice does mean that you are coming closer to the end but that could be a year or more, and did you get the right agency that can be a crap shoot you will not know until you try one. However what you will get is some one to help you. You will have a nurse that will always be there for you you will have a social worker to give you support and other helpers that they will provide you and when the time comes they will give you a hospital bed, wheel chair, walker depends if you have to put him in MC they will even go there to assist him. They will be there to help through the tough days.  Take a bow giver yourself credit you did the right thing.                                                                                                                       

Lynne D

Everything ButterflyWings said.

It seems like such a short time ago you were in crisis, followed your heart, and brought him home. You know what is right for the two of you, and have been carrying so much for so long. I am glad you are getting help, and I hope this brings you some more peaceful moments with your LO.

Stuck in the middle

I take all the help I can get.  And all the senior discounts.  If I have to have inconvenience of being an old man, I'm grabbing all the perks I can.

Seriously, hospice was a blessing to my mother.  They even sent a chaplain to visit with her every week.  It was nice.

Doityourselfer

Lady Texan, It's not too soon to bring in hospice.  You both deserve their care and support.

extex

I’m so glad you are finally getting some help with your DH.

I had a hospice company evaluate my wife ( stage 7) about two months ago.  She flunked because she can still walk and she is not losing weight.  They, instead, sent me a palliative care nurse practitioner who has made two visits so far.  She just sits and shoots the bull for about an hour then  leaves.   She did suggest that I acquire a medical ID bracelet and a GPS device so she can be located in case she wanders. Oh, also she suggested I hang a copy of her DNR on the fridge in case she should need to be transported by EMS.  

I have a caregiver for my wife that I pay for so I believe that has a lot to do with the hospice approval process.

Pat6177

LT, I find it useful to think about this little saying “My feelings are real but they might not be reality”.