My Sister pulled my Mom from MC because of COVID

Jolynn05 · January 2022

So we finally all agreed to place my mom in a brand new lovely (well as nice as MC can be) MC facility. I needed to move into her house anyway at least for a while until I can make other arrangements. I was around someone with COVID at Christmas so they asked me to stay away from my mom until she got placed so I agreed. They moved her there (it’s 1 hour away from where we all live) on January 5. I visited her two days later and the director said she was adjusting well. The sister I get along with went too and while it was hard to see her there and leave I now felt like at least she’s being cared for like she needs. By January 9 I hear second hand from one of my brothers that she was being checked out because of a COVID outbreak and coming home til it was “gone”. She didn’t even to speak to me first and it was her and the brother that’s been against her going to MC that basically made the decision. She has not spoken to me since she realized I was moving into my moms house, I now I have been living with my other sister until they say they’ll take her back. They say as soon as the facility gets the monoclonal antibody treatment to give all the residents that want it. All of my stuff is in a room at my moms house and they are now taking turns staying with her 24/7. I did meet with this sister about a week ago and she said she should have told me and she said she wants to get along. Not sure if I believe her. I think she’s talked to a lawyer and I know she moved a large sum of money from my moms saving to checking. I guessed it was for paying for MC going forward and she told me that when I asked but if I had done that she would have probably had me arrested. This has all turned into such a mess and in such an impossible situation and feel like my world is upside down and like I can’t even visit my mom in the house where my stuff is. There is a nursing home here in this small town but we all said we would never put her there. It is nothing like the place we took her. Only plus is that it’s right here in town. I am the medical POA and equal financial POA and I know that’s the only reason she met with me. I’m trying to find somewhere else to move even though my sister agreed to “let me stay at my mom’s”. There is nothing to rent here and the homes are all way out of my price range. I think I should go to a lawyer but part of me just wants to walk away and let them do what they want. How many times are they going to drag her back home because of something else? My mom picked me to be her person many years ago. She was closest with me of everyone but my sister moved here 5 years ago and has slowly taken over because I lived an hour away. Sorry this is so long but I had to talk to people who know what I’m going through. I think I will see if the facility has a counselor that can counsel all of us. My one brother just keeps saying “I gotta take care of my momma” but I know she isn’t getting the physical care she needs at home. I’m in a state of limbo and so is my mom and they could care less. It’s about their sensibilities and not what’s best for my mom it seems. I certainly don’t want my mom to get this virus buts she’s 93 and besides the dementia is in good health.

ButterflyWings · January 2022

Jolynn, I was told some time ago that a POA is only a piece of paper, until you enforce it.

Time to make sure the facility does not allow others to sign her out or make decisions without consulting you for the final approval. It will be up to you to put your foot down, and I would not feel bad about standing up in that way. You have medical POA, and (shared?) financial POA. After all, as you say, your mom made that decision long ago. It should not be overruled and both you and her, disregarded. You will have to be the one to put a stop to it though.

Also, their high-handed decision to move her out even "temporarily" seems risky. Couldn't the MC potentially give that bed away while your mom is out "indefinitely"? Then she might end up on a waiting list and it could be quite a while before something opens up there again? I hope not, but if that happened, what would you do then?

toolbeltexpert · January 2022

Jolyn I am sorry for situation, none of us wants to be in that position, but you were trusted to help make those decisions that your mom needs, not easy ones at times and sounds like you really want the cooperation of the family. I pray that works out.