Winning the shower battle

Gig Harbor

My husband has always taken a shower at night. For the past four or five months he has fought me. I only wanted him to take one every three days. I finally realized he is tired at night and wants to go to bed. Now I say at 4:30 that I am going to start dinner so why doesn’t he take a shower. He has usually been watching TV and is bored so he willingly takes one. I change out all his clothes and mark the day on the white board. I only hope this keeps up for awhile. He is able to shower without help so it really does let me start dinner.

M1

Good strategy, glad it's working! Every little bit helps. Same thing has only recently started here, she hates showering in the winter but can still do it if encouraged and I also find that before dinner is the best time.

abc123

Excellent win!!! Gig and M1 I hope the before dinner showers continue!

Ed1937

When people are sleepy, and wanting to go to bed, that's something that's easy to miss when they are not co-operative. Almost every night it was a fight to get my wife to change incontinence underwear before going to bed because she just wanted to go to bed. But for the last week or so we're finding out that it's much easier to get her to do it before she gets sleepy. Once again that's my daughter's idea. Don't know what I'd do without her.

Lynne D

Gig Harbor, kudos on your detective work and solution!

After our trip to a hot springs, I saw that my husband needed significant help getting dressed. That could be why he sleeps 8n his clothes and bathes only after a confrontation. Now I need to figure out how to make it easier for him to accept my help.

Joydean

Gig Harbor, that’s great work on your part! I’ve noticed that if I go turn the water on in the shower around 3:30-4 and tell my husband I’m getting the bathroom warm for him he will agree. I do have to help him get his clothes off, and lay out clean ones. While he’s showering I put his clothes in the washer so he can’t try to put the same clothes back on! He wraps the towel around himself but can’t use it to dry himself. Getting him in the shower is great, but getting him dressed is a job!

Sherri Neal

My mother refuses to take a bath - says she already took one that day. My stepdad argues with her every time is Bath Day. He's tried running the bath for her and even saying he's going in to take his own shower. It always ends in a fight. Any suggestions?

mommyandme (m&m)

Teepa Snow is a good resource on You tube for specific issues. So is Dementia Careblazers. Just put their name in and “bathing” after and you’ll get some good advice and a better understanding too.

Again, friendly suggestion to start a new thread. This one was started in Jan 2022. Really great that you’re looking around at previous threads too. Hope it’s been helpful.

Ed1937

Agree on Teepa Snow and Careblazers. It might also help for them to take a shower together. You just have to make everything fast, then get out of the shower.

ButterflyWings

Sherri - you may do better than I did with this one, but DH and dementia won this battle at our house. I had to find a way to keep him clean without traditional baths or showers and it has worked out just fine for over 2 years.

Our visiting nurses and home health aides can confirm that he is clean, smells good, no skin breakdown, etc. So, I would say...don't sweat the small stuff...and believe it or not, getting your DH to shower (or not) in the grand scheme of what dementia caregiving throws at us... is small stuff if you can reframe it in your mind that at some point, he and you just may need a better alternative to getting clean.

Here is my post from a while back when we were where you are. Lots of great ideas from forum mates as always. Good luck to you!

DH will not bathe or shower — ALZConnected

Howaboutnow

”Cheers!” To finding a good strategy for both of you!

ghphotog

My wife wears the same clothes day in and day out. I've bought matching pairs of jeans and shirts so I can wash one set while she wears the other. I can't however just say "let's change clothes!" she'll resist and get emotional. I have to wait until there is an "accident" then I can change her out. Sometimes I can start small such as "let's change your socks and while we're at it lets change out your underwear to. . . we'll put the same clothes back on, I promise" Then I can replace all of her clothes with minimal drama.

Getting her to shower is difficult so I only do it twice a month but I try to sponge bathe her in between. That's less extreme for her than getting in the shower. If I need to wash her hair then that's a whole other battle in itself.