On a lighter note, do the pets know something is wrong?

Palmetto Peg

My DH was diagnosed last summer with MCI.  He has trouble remembering anything current, and suffers from some paranoia and anxiety.  Over the last few months, his memory issues have worsened and he has become somewhat depressed.  One of my cats appears to know that things are not right with DH, and has become a caregiver.  He follows my husband around everywhere.  Even the bathroom is not off-limits.  If the door is closed, he puts a paw under it and meows to be let in.  He is an indoor-outdoor cat, but will now only go out if my husband is away from home.  As soon as DH returns, the cat comes right in and takes up his post.  When DH sits in his chair, the cat sits on the arm and puts one paw on DH's leg.  If DH has a paranoid outburst and begins talking loudly, the cat gets up on him and meows in his face as if to say "it's okay, calm down".  It is actually funny, but I did wonder if anyone else has noticed this with their pets.  I know dogs are supposed to be more intuitive, but this cat certainly seems to be aware.  It is actually pretty helpful because it distracts DH and does seem to calm him when he is interacting with the cat.  Anyone else observed this?

Ed1937

It's been a while since we've had cats, but yes, I believe they understand something is not right.  Glad you got an unexpected helper.

Camoruso

I believe they do know, probably more than we do. I have 2 dogs - a great dane and a lab mix. Last week we went for a walk and my LO insisted on going with us. She became very unsteady at one point and my great dane planted herself in front of her so that she could put a hand on her back and remain upright. She then walked very slowly in front of her the rest of the way home. I was amazed and so grateful!

Ed1937

Peg, I just read your profile again. You said "I would also like to get suggestions on how to help him cope with the diagnosis. I know it is coming and it won''t be easy for him." I think about the only thing you can do is to keep reinforcing your love for him, and make sure he knows you will be there for him every step of the way.

My personal opinion is that it's cruel of a doctor to tell a patient he/she has dementia. It is a death sentence, and many people go into deep depression because of the diagnosis. Is it worth it? I know I'm probably in the minority, but my wife never knew she has dementia, and she is not in a depression. She was in a very deep depression when we lost one of our sons, and I know what that was like. She will never know if I can help it.

M1

Peg I think animals can be very intuitive.  I have read stories of cats in nursing homes/hospice facilities that will stay close to dying residents.  Good and bad--but the staff could sometimes tell that if Fluffy is sticking close to Mrs. Smith, her time is near.  Weird; the downside would be that if Fluffy starts sitting on your bed you know the Grim Reaper is right behind.  I'm glad your kitty is a comfort to your DH though.

M1

Google Oscar the Cat in Rhode Island---he was written up in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007.

toolbeltexpert

Ed1937 I am in the same place my dw hasn't been diagnosed and I don't know if it's worth it, maybe I am being selfish cause I might not know how to handle her reaction? And partly cause I don't  think it's gonna help my Dw.I continually reinforce my love and that no matter what happens I will be there. We have cats and they are semi outdoor we have a greenhouse attached to our house that the cats have access to, one of them has starting coming inside and staying in the room next to my wife. I can see this is gonna be helpful in the future. We lost the moma cat which has been here for 10 yes and my wife hasn't  figured out moma cat is gone. Partly cause she has a cataract in one eye. Palmetto peg my wife is about the same as your DH sorry for you both but there is still gonna be lots of good still. Glad to be able to talk with others who can relate.

Palmetto Peg

Thank you for the responses.  I googled Oscar the Cat.  What an amazing animal!  I am glad my cat doesn't have that ability - at least not yet, but it is nice to see the interaction between them.  I hope it continues.  We will take any help we can get, right?

Palmetto Peg

Ed1937 wrote:

Peg, I just read your profile again. You said "I would also like to get suggestions on how to help him cope with the diagnosis. I know it is coming and it won''t be easy for him." I think about the only thing you can do is to keep reinforcing your love for him, and make sure he knows you will be there for him every step of the way.

My personal opinion is that it's cruel of a doctor to tell a patient he/she has dementia. It is a death sentence, and many people go into deep depression because of the diagnosis. Is it worth it? I know I'm probably in the minority, but my wife never knew she has dementia, and she is not in a depression. She was in a very deep depression when we lost one of our sons, and I know what that was like. She will never know if I can help it.

I think my DH knows on one level, because every once in a while he will say something along the lines of "boy, am I getting stupid", and I just reassure him that we all forget at times and just try to move on.  It is hard, for sure, but nothing is to be gained by reminding him of his failing memory.  

DrinaJGB

Our German Shepherd carefully escorts DH down the hall until he comes in and sits on my bed for coffee each morning. She parks herself right next to the bed as we have our coffee and watch the birds on the feeders. During the night she gets up and patrols the entire house, and then puts herself in the hallway between our rooms

 If DH gets up during the night she is right outside the bathroom. She is very careful walking near DH and always mindful of where he is. The other thing is when I am having a difficult day--even if I don't say a word she senses my distress, and will come over to me and place her paw on my lap.She then looks into my eyes with the sweetest expression that seems to say "I know".

If I did not have her around I simply do not know how I could manage all of this. She was a stray in deplorable condition when she followed me around the block and stayed on my front porch all night. But she is really the one who has rescued us. On my darkest days she always manages to bring the light in once again.

Palmetto Peg

DrinaJGB, I am so glad you have her.  I can't imagine a home without a pet.  I have had both cats and dogs and will hopefully always be able to.  They really are four legged angels!

mrahope

My experience is much the same as yours.  Our cat sits next to my spouse on the couch, sleeps next to him in bed, and pats him with her paws.  OTOH, my spouse is not as fond of the cat as I am and sometimes exiles the cat to another room.  The cat is an immense comfort to me, too. She often sits on my lap and curls up on my legs while I watch TV or use my laptop.  

Also, my spouse does know his diagnosis (MCI) but still feels frustrated and often remarks that his memory is no good anymore.  I just tell him that I can understand his frustration, and that he can lean on me.  He already knows these things, but I think we all need to hear them from time to time.

Neverends

I absolutely  believe  they have a 6th sense about  "something not being right," My dog barks everytime I mean everytime my mother gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. Many times I can't hear her coming out of her room hut he alerts me. She needs total help in the bathroom and I run in there to avoid a mess.

Joydean

Hi Peg, I also think animals can sense when something is different. Our dog will go over to my husband’s chair and wait for him to sit down. If husband is having a bad day she will just lay her head on his knees, slowly he will finally start to rub on her, she doesn’t move, then he will try talking to her. He never seems to get upset with her. I guess she’s more patient than I am sometimes!

I agree with Ed, it solves nothing if they know about this horrible disease . It’s bad enough that we the caregivers have to understand it to know/learn how to help our loved ones. I think those that have anosognosia are blessed.  

Buggsroo

My orange cat Cheeto sleeps with my husband. He also gets very upset if there is any argy bargy going on between my husband and myself. He takes care of my husband in his own way.

My cat Wasabi has been sleeping with me a lot, he seems to know I need some tlc too.

Love having animals in my life.

Pat6177

LOL I must be the only one with spoiled brat cats! They’re almost 17 and are more concerned about their next meal or treats than they are about the humans! And I’ve no one to blame but myself

michiganpat

My DH was diagnosed by his primary with MCI but it is past that. She doesn't see what I do. He was so upset after the appointment and still talks about it almosr 3 months later. He says he will never get another "brain test" again and if she tries he will walk out. I talked it over with our kids and they all agreed that a diagnosis would do much more harm than good. A year ago I talked him into getting a puppy. He was very resistant but I had to do something to maybe help his moods. She has been the best medicine ever. He dotes on her and she is his baby. His mood has been so much better since we got her. She has been good for both of us.

Stuck in the middle

Our pets love us and watch us closely.  We are their gods.

Palmetto Peg

Hi Ed,

I just wanted to take a minute and respond to your comment about not telling our spouses about their diagnosis.  In the beginning of this journey, I thought if I had a diagnosis that would be the answer.  There would be meds for it, or something I could read or do that would make it better.  I also thought it would be good for my DH to have a concrete answer.  Boy, did I have a lot to learn!  Thanks to the input of the wonderful people on this forum, I have learned so much about living with someone who has dementia.  I no longer care what the diagnosis is - it doesn't really matter, does it?  I only care about trying a little harder to be patient, and helping him get through the day with as little stress as possible.  Our doctor did tell him that he has a mild cognitive impairment, but it didn't seem to bother him a lot at the time.  We don't talk about that at all, and never will. Thanks so much for your comment!  I totally agree that it is cruel to keep reminding someone that they are not who they used to be.  We just need to be encouraging about who they are today!

Pam BH

Palmetto Peg - well said.  Totally agree