getting help(3)

caberr

DH is going downhill faster than I was hoping.  The past 2 weeks he has been sun downing.  The dr gave him Trazadone.  It's only been a few days, but it has helped him and me to sleep.  I knew things would get worse, but I think I didn't want to believe it.

Our kids came to help me interview a private care giver.  She was recommended by a dear friend who we trust.  We all feel comfortable with her.  She is starting 4 hrs 2 mornings a week on Monday to see how DH does with her.  I am hoping he will accept this. I know I will eventually need to add more hours. 

This has been hard for me.  My goal is to keep him home as long as he is safe.  I have not ruled out completely that I wouldn't place him.  The kids are on board and willing to help however they can.  

I feel like I'm failing him and feel a little selfish.  In my head I know I need the help so I can remain calm and help him. I hate this disease more and more everyday! 

Thanks all for being here

M1

Fingers crossed for you caberr.  I a poignant moment of clarity the other night, I told my partner the day was near when i would be more comfortable having someone with her if I needed to leave (which I do, for breaks)--and she admitted that what I needed from her was cooperation.  She got it in that moment; whether that'll last til the water boils is another story.  Let us know how it goes.

Ed1937

I'm not sure I understand this properly. You feel like you are failing him because you are having someone come to help so you can better take care of him? Think about it. You're doing an excellent job! Having the kids on board is a huge win for you. Now read this again to see if it makes a difference.

Marie58

caberr wrote:

I feel like I'm failing him and feel a little selfish.  In my head I know I need the help so I can remain calm and help him. I hate this disease more and more everyday! 

Sometimes the heart is louder than the head, but we have to go with the head. You're doing the right thing. I hope the care giver works out. I'm also glad your kids are involved. Blessings

ImMaggieMae

caberr, having a caregiver come in a couple mornings a week sounds like an excellent idea to me. You are still the main caregiver as 8 hours per week is only a small amount of time. It will give you time to catch up with things you’ve no doubt had to neglect around your home or just to get out for a few hours or even take a nap if you need to catch up on sleep as many of us do. Alz and dementia end up being a full time job, often both night and day. This may be a great way to keep him at home.

caberr

Thank you all.  Waiting for the caregiver to show up now.  So far DH seems ok with it.  I'm nervous but looking forward to running some errands and just being out.

I know that this is important and I know I need the help.

Pat6177

Caberr, how did it go?

caberr

It went well.  He said Jackie is funny.  She is very upbeat. They listened to music and danced in the kitchen.  He loves music and so glad she does too.  She tried to get him to play some games or cards or read but he only wanted to move.   When she was leaving, she told him she would see him on Thursday, and he said OK.  I hope this continues to go well.   

I had a nice morning.  I went to the gym, yawned the whole time I was there LoL.  I hadn't been in a while and just did some errands.   It did give me more patience having that time away.  And I didn't feel guilty!    

Ed1937

That is fantastic! I hope when our time comes, the results will be the same. But I doubt it.

Marie58

I'm so glad it went well!!

abc123

Wow! That’s great news. I hope it works out well for all three of you! Sending you good thoughts and support! We are always here for you.

Joydean

That sounds fantastic! So glad it went so well! Hope it keeps up and he is happy with her. Glad you got to get out of the house and do some things for your self!

caberr

one week down and DH is still good with the caregiver I've hired.  He told me last night that he likes her.  Of course, he has no idea I am paying her.  That would be a different story but there is no need for him to know.  I am feeling less guilty.

Ed1937

Great! Glad it's going so well.