Calls from LO in MC

LL689

New here and mom has only been in MC for 3 weeks so still trying to figure out "normal" routines for having a LO in MC. I am listed as the main contact (dad doesn't want to be involved, sister MIA). 1-2 times a week I get a call from mom or a staff member with her saying she is upset that some person from her memory isn't there or left or other non-factual story that is upsetting her. What am I supposed to do with this information and call? The home says she was upset and wanted to speak to me so they helped her call. On the phone half the time she can't hold a conversation or knows who I am. Is this just part of the normal routine at MC? At my job I can't always answer calls so this makes it difficult to know if there is an issue or it's just routine when there are multiple calls per week.

Neverends

Hello, I would inform the facility that you cant be called unless it's an emergency or not during work hours  whatever works for you. You are working and cant take phone calls of this sort at your job.I know many want to call home when they become anxious. Staff can just tell a fib to her and redirect  her. Like you said her conversation  with you is incoherent and probably  causes her more anxiety  and unnecessary  anxiety  for you..  

Unknown By Man

Just be prepared even if you tell them to not call they will probably will still call. You might just have to ignore calls when at work.

M1

Welcome LL, I don't have personal experience in this area, but a lot of posts suggest limiting all contact for the first few weeks in MC so that your LO has a chance to acclimate. Perhaps you could speak to the director about this. Good luck-

sandwichone123

If you phone lets you set ringtones for specific calls, set the memory care to "silent." She's already getting care and if there is some actual issue they can leave a voicemail. Alternatively, set your phone to go on silent mode automatically during your work day and just list the numbers you want to hear from as exceptions.

Rescue mom

Ditto to What never ends said.   IME at several facilities, staff will, and/or supposed to, handle this—unless it is a serious, for-real emergency. I’d suggest talking to staff and making clear what or when you should be called. A visit to ER or serious sick, for sure. But just to “chat” or calm her down, they should be able to handle that. Getting her settled could take a few weeks.

GothicGremlin

Hey there -- it took my sister almost a month to acclimate to memory care, and I think it takes that much time for many people.

I agree with everyone else here who said to have memory care staff handle things and not to call you during working hours unless it's a real emergency.

What I do is communicate with staff regularly via email. They're actually pretty good about it, and occasionally they send me photos, like if Peggy is doing karaoke where she looks particularly happy. I call Peggy once every day when the timing is good for me, and when I know they're not eating a meal.  Peggy's been in memory care for three months now, and so far this type of schedule has worked out.

I hope things start to settle down for you!

MN Chickadee

I received a lot of calls from my mom the first month she was in memory care. I could have told the staff not to help her call, but it did seem to serve some kind of purpose for her. She was equally confused during the calls so I don't think she felt better after exactly, but I didn't want her to feel totally powerless or like a prisoner. Sometimes they were able to distract her out of calling, sometimes not. Placing a phone call to one's family when so upset or scared seemed like a reasonable request for any human, tiring as it was for everyone. So I told them to continue to let her call me. YMMV, do what is right for you. Sometimes I answered, when I was feeling mentally strong enough. I would say sure I will come get you, just as soon as the weather is better or I get my car fixed or I'm done working. Of course she would forget. I would try to steer the conversation to something pleasant and kept it brief. I'd say about 75% of the time I just let it go to voicemail though. You don't have to use so much time and mental energy on the calls, it isn't sustainable. Perhaps ask them to call from a nurse's extension or other number if there is a true emergency. I remember how heart wrenching it was. The confused calls, knowing she was having a hard time adjusting. Hang in there, it does get better. The calls will become infrequent and stop soon, just give it some time. It took two months for my mom to settle in and adjust to her new surroundings.