DAY CARE CENTER FOR A DEMENTIA PATIENT

Desperation

Thank you all for your advise.  You all, of course, are right.  I will start a new post somewhere here, I am still learning about this website. Good luck to all of us.  I am exhausted right now ... .

Hello all.  I hope you guys are fine.  I joined because I am a little bit desperate.  I am new to this, taking care of my husband for the last two years full time and alone.  Things are becoming very, very difficult since his aggressiveness has increased, and I am at a loss. What to do?  I live in East South Florida, and dont know how to even begin to find a good place for him to go at lease several hours a week to a day care center, where his mind can be engaged for a few a hours, and I can have some hours for me.  I am so afraid of those places.  Only by word of mouth you sometimes know about the right place.  If this is the wrong forum, please forgive me.  And, how to deal with his sudden outbursts, when he starts to hit me?  My arms are all black and green, and he likes to sink his nails in my hands and arms.  I want to cry so loud.  What has been your experience about this?  and what to do?!  thank you.

loveskitties

You need to call 911 when he attacks you.  They will come and he can be put in hospital for determination of meds to get rid of the agression.

No matter that his brain is broken, you can not allow his physical attacks.

Protect yourself.

Stuck in the middle

I agree.  He can't go to day care if he's violent.  That has to be controlled first, before he seriously hurts you or someone else.

In fact, since you have bruises, you can call the police right now and get him the help he needs.  I would not wait; he might seriously harm you next time if you wait.  I'm sorry you are in this position, but it has to be done, for his sake and for yours.

Stuck in the middle

Desperation, you are in exactly the right place.  Sorry you have to be here.

60 falcon

Welcome. This is the place for you and you'll get a ton of support and you'll learn from people who are experiencing the same things as you are.  

You're going to get a lot of wise advice about your husband's aggression.  I can't help you with that issue and I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this, especially the physical aggression and abuse. Nobody deserves that. Your safety needs to be the top priority in my opinion.

But, I will say that once his aggression is properly controlled, adult daycare can be a big benefit to both of you.  I started my wife in two adult daycare places last fall.  One is specifically for dementia patients and the other is for people with a variety of needs.  They are both great.  I didn't know how to go about selecting a good place either, but I was getting burnt out and took advantage of the only two around here. I only wish I had started taking her sooner.

Mint

Desperation stay with us here, keep talking.  

Call 800 272 3900.  This is Alzheimer’s association.  Ask to speak to a care consultant.  This service is free.  Many here say they are very helpful.  

Hopefully others with this experience will be along soon.  Lady Texan posts very good information from time to time on this subject.   She has dealt with this and has many good thoughts.  You definitely have to be aware of protecting yourself.  Make sure he does not have access to anything that can be used as a weapon including gasoline. Have your charged phone with you at all times, a room you can safely lock yourself into to call are a few suggestions I remember.

Take care

Ed1937

Desperation, welcome aboard. Sorry you have a reason to be here. DO NOT allow him to attack you. Your safety is as important or even more important than his. Follow the advice above about calling 911. 

If things do get out of hand again, leave the house if that is an option. Ask for help from a neighbor until law enforcement can take over. If you find yourself in a position where you can't get out of the house, have a room that can be locked from the inside. Just make sure that room has a window in case he breaks the door down. You can crawl out the window. A bathroom (or any room) without a window should be your last choice. Make sure you have a charged phone with you, and a charger should be available in your "safe room'. And remove anything that might be used as a weapon. Think hard about that since many things could be used.

toolbeltexpert

Desperation your in the right place. I don't  know  how hard you have it, but it sure sounds like you need your Lo to get the help he needs.

Desperation

Thank you all for your responses.  It is good to be here, among people who understand.

Have you done this? calling 911?  I am not ready to do this.  My heart breaks just to think about it.  I dont think he would survive it.  He was a wonderful, sweet man.  I do understand, the practical side of your suggestions though.  So, if any of you have experienced calling 911, and the patient taken to a hospital to treat his aggression, please share if you can.  It is a scary thing for me right now.  thank you.

Ed1937

If you don't get answers to your question, start a new thread asking or replies. I'm sure you will get some. Some people here have done it.

Caring4two

Desperation wrote:

 Have you done this? calling 911?  I am not ready to do this.  My heart breaks just to think about it.

Decisions at this point cannot be made from the heart or emotion. You are the adult in the room now. Your  DH is dependent on you for HIS safety and you are dependent on you for YOUR safety. You are a CARETAKER now and have to base your decisions on what type of care is needed. 

Can you talk to your DH’s doctor about medications? I had to put my DH on meds to stabilize mood and squelch anger outbursts.  He also went to daycare 5 days a week so I could go home and sleep or run errands. I called our local police several times when things got out of control. If his MD is not willing to prescribe meds (some docs aren’t) don’t hesitate to call 911. That is your foot in the door to get help for him the fastest.

Cynbar

You really do need to get his aggression under control before you consider daycare. They won't keep him if he is aggressive there, and they may well not take him back even if he later gets the right medications on board. But in addition to this, please consider your own safety. His brain isn't working right, he could easily hurt you because of his warped view of reality. And if he does do damage, he could be locked up and you'll have no say at all in his care. If he gets aggressive again with you and you call 911, they can fast track him into the care he needs. Good luck, nothing about this dementia journey is easy.

Stuck in the middle

We need to take care of ourselves for the sake of our LOs as well as for ourselves.  Who will take care of him if you are in hospital?  Getting him medicated so he isn't dangerous isn't something you are doing to him; it is something you are doing for him.