Big move ...update

Tfreedz

So today was the day I moved Mom to AL and it went way better than I thought it would! 

Started out a bit rocky because she forgot she was going and wanted to wait until my brother came home from his program. But...once we got there, she was so positive and grateful that we put so much work into her room ahead of time. She made jokes with the staff and wanted to carry a notepad with her to write down everyone’s names. 

I was the one who was a wreck, I cried the whole way home just because of the loss of who she was and the loss of her independence and what this nasty dementia has taken. But I also feel a huge weight has been lifted knowing she is not miserable and that she is safe.  I’ve decided to go every day this week at least an hour before a meal so she is busy when I leave, then hopefully visit every few days.

I want to thank all of you for your support and advice!! Feeling like I wasn’t alone with this has helped me so much. 

BTW when brother came home from program and I told him mom moved into a facility he said, “Thank God”

Daughter80

I have happy and sad tears for you. So so so glad things went well!

Unknown By Man

Glad it went well, I am glad she vibed well with the staff. She sounds like a fun lady, I hope she enjoys her time in AL for a good long time.

Quilting brings calm

I’m glad it went well,I’m also glad your brother took it so well. Although I’m sure it will be a change for him too.

SusanB-dil

Agree with other posts - so glad everything went even better than anticipated! Whew!  No doubt a weight lifted off you. 

Now - you and brother, as they say, 'can be the loving relatives instead of frazzled caregivers.' 

and adding - brother seems to like the program?  another win...  seems he may realize more of what's up than mom could realize.

mommyandme (m&m)

So happy you can feel some peace with your decision.  

Thanks for the update.

harshedbuzz

Sounds positive. You deserve that.

Tfreedz

Thank you all for the kind words and support!

 I took my brother today to visit mom, he was visibly grumpy and upset in her presence, I felt so bad for her. He told me in the car that he doesn’t like any change. I asked if he wanted mom to come back home and he said no way! He said he just wants her to get better. I’ve tried to explain to him in the past that she won’t get better..but this time I just said me too.

Mom was in a great mood. She keeps thanking me for pickng such a good place where everyone is so nice. She said she keeps getting lost but said she tells people that’s why she’s there. I’m really shocked that she’s making jokes about her memory loss now because she refused to even speak about it before. I’m glad she seems peaceful with her new environment.

I’m trying to work on my own emotions now. Walking past her empty room, seeing the signs labeling all of the doors, even doing the laundry that she loved folding all made me cry today. I spent my free time at the store shopping for more things for her! I keep telling myself this is for the best and trying to remind myself how hard it was when she was here. My mind knows but my heart hasn’t caught up yet.

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mommyandme (m&m)

Again, you’re handling things so well! And just validating your brothers feelings was a huge win and must have felt peaceful.  Your mother is giving you a huge gift by being comfortable with the change, whether she’s cognizant of that or not. So wonderful that she’s fitting in for both of you. 

Grieving sucks, just gotta go thru it to get thru it. Your tears are healthy and healing but I’m sorry for your sadness.

Keep us posted. 

Tfreedz

Again, thanks for the kind words. I know I’m only grieving what I’ve lost and who I knew my mom to be. I am thankful that even with this awful memory loss, she is still alive, physically healthy and able to have joyful experiences. Her agitation seems to have decreased in the last few days hopefully due to things being taken care of for her and all of the social interaction.

Today was a much better day. I wasn’t sad at all during the day or feeling the shock as I was yesterday. I went to visit at the end of her lunch and she was so engrossed in her conversation with the other ladies, she didn’t feel the need to hurry to spend time with me. My visit ended up being only 30 minuets because the ladies were waiting for my mom to play bingo, lol. The maintenance lady pulled me aside and told me my mom seemed really happy and wanders around chatting with anyone who will listen. She said my mom kept her company the entire time she was mopping an area and was happy because the woman remembered her name.

Only down side was she has already lost 3 pairs of readers in less than 24hrs. thankfully I came prepared. Her TV had to be reprogrammed and she is very confused about the room thermostat. I got her a landyard to put her room key on with her name and room number on it and wear it around her neck but apparently she felt that was unnecessary and has lost her key several times since taking it off the lanyard. Fortunately the missing key always turns up because there is a fee if she needs it replaced.

I wish the best for everyone and know that I’m sending out warm hugs of appreciation!!

Jo C.

What wonderful news from a very caring and loving daughter.   I am delighted to hear that the move has gone so well and that your mother has not only adapted, but that she is joyful - your difficult decision is benefitting her greatly.  You have added much to the quality of your beloved mother's life; job well done!

Such a change can indeed touch our hearts deeply with regret in knowing that things will never be as they used to be.  I found the acuteness of the regret changed for the better as I too adapted to the change.  May this continue to be a blessing for the both of you.

Let us know how you are doing, we will be thinking of you,

J.

Unknown By Man

@Tfreedz Your mom is in AL correct? I was wondering what grounds do they use to determine when it is time to move them to MC? Do they disclose that information or is it simply case by case.

dayn2nite2

What a great example of how things CAN be wonderful for our LOs when they are placed.  My own mother was an introvert but even she perked up once around other people and staff who took her to activities and being in the common area with other people.  

You may find, as I did, that you develop great relationships with other residents too and their families.  My mom went through a period of getting up and wandering around while I was visiting so I would just turn to the next person and ask how they were doing.  I think some of the residents thought I worked there.  Holidays were actually really great and not depressing - food was good and if I told the staff I was coming they would make me a plate if I wanted one.  Our facility didn't have pretty fountains or any of the modern things either, but it was clean and filled with caring staff.  The day she died all of the aides and nurses came to say goodbye to her and many were crying as if it were their own LO passing away.  It really touched me.

abc123

I’m very happy your mom is doing so well! That’s great! You are a good daughter!