Another day with a new challenge. E v e r y Day

Desperation

Hello friends.  It is almost 2 in the morning.  It is so hard to talk about this.  If you have not gone through this, or are experiencing it right now, then you will not understand.

I think my husband is forgetting to walk!  It was hard yesterday and today to walk him (with a walker, and my help) from the bedroom to the family room. Tonight I spent three hours to make him go back to the bedroom. Three hours!!! He did not walk. I had to go to the car and bring the wheelchair, and then make him sit from the sofa to the wheelchair. Another hour to convince him.  The sofa is destroyed. Dirty, smelly.  He did not want to move.  I am exhausted but so awake.  This is the hardest thing I ever done in my life.  My back hurts.  I managed to put two diapers to him on the bed, but it was very hard.  Usually, I do it while he is standing up. I am really desperate.  I think I have aged 10 years.

 I want to scream.  This is so sad. I feel so alone.  As I am sure all of you feel. My poor DH. This is really unfair.  He is such a good man or was. ...

BillieFL

I am awake and alone too. Your situation is worse than mine.. I am just beginning to learn that I need help, and so do you I think. My husband goes in and out of reality.

I have told myself that he and I can make it.. that if we can find a helper, i.e. pay someone or through the VA for example we wil be OK.. happy and not unhealthy.. I never want us to be apart, but now I am beginning to wonder if I found a facility I could visit every day and he may not care.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Can you get help?

BillieFL

My husband is or was a dear good man too.. he still tries to help me a lot when he is not "out of it."

M1

Desperation, if he can't walk he will qualify for hospice. I would call first thing in the morning.

Ed1937

Desperation, I don't want to give you false hope, but twice in the last 2 weeks my wife was walking, and just stopped. I told her to move her feet, but she said she couldn't. It was as if she were paralyzed. But then she was able to do it. We went for a ride, and when we got home, I got her out of the car. She couldn't walk, and I had a very hard time getting her in the house.  She had a UTI, and it is now cleared up. No more problems, and I can't be sure that caused it, but maybe. She has had some pretty severe symptoms in the past that were cleared up when the infection was taken care of. So maybe, just maybe it would be a good idea to have him checked for a UTI, even if he is not showing any typical symptoms. It might be a longshot, but the payoff is huge if that's what it is. I wish you luck.

Desperation

Thank you Billy.  The truth is I cannot think straight.  I am trying to find a helper.  Also, I am beginning to determine what are our options.  Frankly, for me, right now it is very slow.  I just have to get out of this mental shock.  Wishing you good luck.

Desperation

M1. thank you.  Hospice? How? Where? Hospice is new to me.  Who should I call first? Any insight you can offer will be greatly appreciated.  Hope you are doing okay.

Desperation

Hi Ed.  that is a great suggestion.  Ill work on it.  Hope you are doing okay.

Mint

Desperation, 

Some people get referred through the doctor.  You can also call hospice on your own and ask for an evaluation.  Some say get more than one evaluation if you can as you may prefer one over the other.  Also, if one turns him down another may not.

Hopefully someone with this experience will be along.  Many on here have used hospice.

Joydean

Desperation and Billie Fl, I have no answer but just wanted to let you know you are not alone, there are many others on here that will jump in give you some great advice. Prayers for both of you.  Billie you can always take your wife to ER at VA hospital and they should be able to help. Just and ideal.

Fairyland

New symptom? 

Step one - deep breath.

Step two - check for UTI

BillieFL

A dear lady gave me some advice that turned out good for me. She told me to go to a nursing home and ask the administrator if there might be some aides that want part time private work.

I did this and found a nice woman who helps me when she is off from her real job. It may be temporary but it is good for now. Employees of these facilities are vetted.

Thanks to all for being here. We can do this.

PS I am a female with a male nickname named after my dad.

Ed1937

Billie, that's a great tip, and one that I haven't seen before. Thank you very much!

White Crane

Desperation...and Billy...sending prayers and hugs.

Joydean

Billie that is a great idea, thank you for sharing with us!