Covid/Guilt

jyls

My dad was diagnosed with cerebral amyloid angiopathy at 68 3 years ago. The disease first attacks the nervous system and then progresses to ALZ. It was only 6 months before we had to get him checked into a care facility.

I'm the only one in my family that goes to see him, which I try to do weekly (between a stressful job, spouse/kids). My city recently went into Stage 5 for Covid (the highest alert). I haven't been to see him since, as my mom says it would irresponsible. I'm feeling terribly guilty, anxiety guilty. Am I making the right choice?

King Boo

Get your own data.  Not necessarily what is out there on regular TV.

My LO's are now gone.   However, WWID right now if they were still alive?

I would evaluate if I have had a known exposure.   I would test before a visit.  

I would not leave my LO without family support because even in the best facilities, care must be monitored.  Even the best facilities have a mental tier in their heads of which families visit, and which ones don't.  And there's always the potential for care decisions to thus be impacted.  

My staying away does not eliminate potential exposure. There are many staff that provide care. Other visitors that come to the building.  

How would I feel if my LO died without a visit from me?  

How does the lack of my presence affect my LO?

How do I know that care is still being provided appropriately if I do not visit?  

Your decision making tier may be different, but your Mom's comment could also be spun in the opposite direction.  

MN Chickadee

I'm with King Boo. Given he has no one else visiting and may not have long to live I would still do your weekly visit if you haven't had a known exposure. Do a home covid test first, wear a well fitting kn95 mask with an accordion style one over it and the risk would fall within my comfort zone. Bonus points if you are able to bring a small fan and crack a window in his room while you are there for added ventilation. If you are taking all the precautions you can the odds of covid getting in there from you are low.

Tfreedz

I have to agree with the others on this. Reward outweighs the risk especially since there are so many other staff members in and out of that building.

If you still aren’t comfortable, consider sending cards weekly. Even better, include family pics in each card so at least you brighten his day and lessen your guilt.

Quilting brings calm

What does the facility  say about visits right now? 

Have you been vaccinated?  Vaccinated people are less likely to catch it and less likely to transmit it. 

Can you stay several feet away from him? 

Is your Mom still his wife or his medical power of attorney?  If so, she should have the final say.  How would you feel if your spouse was the patient and your offspring ignored your wishes? 

King Boo

Covid 19 can be transmitted by both vaccinated and unvaccinated. 

 Community transmission and viral load kinetics of the SARS-CoV-2 delta (B.1.617.2) variant in vaccinated and unvaccinated individuals in the UK: a prospective, longitudinal, cohort study - The Lancet Infectious Diseases

This entire  dementia journey is   never    about perfect choices, only best as can be at the time.  

jyls

Thank you all so much! A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm going to visit my next chance I get!

Mint

If it was my dad I would want to see him too.  I was dad’s girl.    But I would also have some other thoughts too if it was my dad.  Would see it as a challenge to have very smart, responsible visits.  This is just me personally, I would most definitely be vaccinated.  I would wear a N95 or KF94 properly through my whole visit.  Wash hands twenty seconds as entered room and right after leaving facility.  These masks,  if not fakes work beautifully.  It would protect you and your dad.  Can only speak for myself but would not want to pass something on to my dad, that I loved so much, that could cause him to struggle for weeks not being able to breathe.  This happened to my friends BIL and S.  One survived and one didn’t.  For me personally that would be a way bigger guilt than missing an unsafe visit.  Would be hard on your mom and maybe your relationship with mom or other relatives if not done safely.  Just some thoughts.

toolbeltexpert

Jyls sorry about your troubles. For 8 years I visited 3 mc units every week. I only got sick once in 2017 the first Sars outbreak. I hadn't  followed the very simple things. There was sickness going thru the unit and I didn't  wash my hands and touched my eyes. After that I got religious I washed my hands when I got to a mc and washed my hands when I left and as hard as it is I wouldn't  touch my eyes. I would rub my eyes after I washed my hands when I left. I am sure you'll  be glad you chose to visit.  And yes I would wear a good fitting n95.

aannaa

It's hard I understand But I don't know what will be best for him, he's very happy when you come. I know it from my own experience: when the whole family was busy and I visited our grandfather on hospital several times a day and brought him different fruits and vitamins from https://www.canadadrugsdirect.com/ . This is probably the best feeling for grandparents when you spend your time with them. Appreciate it because they are not eternal

Jo C.

That study was speaking of people in household contacts . . . . and breakthrough infections.

The best way we can protect one another is by being fully vaccinated.  IF one gets the virus as a breakthrough infection or transmits the virus by perhaps not knowing one has it, our and our LOs being fully vaccinated in all probabilty will not get nearly as ill, will probably not need hospitalization and death avoided.

Some facilities are limiting visitations to only those who have been vaccinated and to a low number of visitors per day, often one at a time and while wearing CDC recommended masks.  Give a call in advance and find out what their NH criteria specifically are for visitors.

May all go well; let us know how you are and how things are going, we will be thinking of you.

J.