A personality that exasperates me

Paris20

My husband’s ego has always been quite strong. It persists despite all the changes that he does not comprehend. He is insistent that his incorrect, inaccurate, and wrong-headed thinking are, in fact, correct.I go along with as much as I can. I know that arguing or rational discussion are worse than useless. 

There are times when DH’s cognitive losses either jeopardize his safety or lead to a temper tantrum. He watches the news incessantly because he cannot remember that he watched the same news countless times that same day. He insists that I stay by his side at all times despite his having an aide. When I say I want to change the channel, he tries to debate with me that I am wrong or I am nuts. I do not engage but I’m exasperated. Is there anything else I can try? I’ve told him that it’s time to drop the subject but that makes him even worse. It’s below zero outside so taking a walk is currently not an option. Help!

toolbeltexpert

Hi Paris 20 sorry your having troubles I know it's frustrating  to say the least. I was wondering if you don't  want the news channel on,  could you go in the channels and take it out so it doesn't  show up anymore? That may not be what your wanting though.  I keep the news off because of bad news and covid reports and I  try to find game channels or funny videos.  Sounds like your taking a walk was a distraction and cold weather is killing that. I do feel for you this is so hard, prayers for you and yours.

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harshedbuzz

Paris-

Oh yes.

One of the things that struck me was that personality can persist well into the later stages of the disease. My friend's mom Eva was a snarky firecracker behind a veneer of proper European grande dame. Aunt N remained the judgmental b*#ch she'd always been while her sister was sweet natured and delightful to the end. Dad was always a difficult individual and I was not his favorite kid or person- as the disease progressed into stages 5 and 6, his social filters gone, he "turned" on others. Weirdly, in the final 6 weeks of his life, he changed again, and I saw the sweet little boy his ancient aunties doted on. 

My mom found it hard to endure the kind of arrogant behavior you are in the context of having to assume 100% of the responsibility of keeping their ship afloat. She was also his preferred person and he liked to control her as one might a pet. For a time, they had a HHA thrice weekly during which time she had to leave or not get any real break. Sometimes she holed up at the local library and read magazines, sometimes she went for coffee or the pool and a few times, she came and napped at my house.

TV was a problem for dad in a number of ways. Sometimes he weaponized it by cranking up the volume so as to annoy my mother. But mostly he struggled to differentiate between it and his own reality. He was the victim in crime dramas, whatever horrible storm was occurring in the world was just outside the front door and the news just got him worked up. He also got in trouble with pay-per-view to the tune of about $750 worth of random sports, movies and karaoke when left alone. I finally put parental controls on the cable box and made TWC and news disappear. When he noticed, we explained that it was a glitch with the satellite or cable company. 

Sometime you have to have the fight around safety and deal with the fallout, but removing triggers you can anticipate can reduce the overall number of times you have to go through it.

HB

White Crane

Paris 20, my husband also has a strong ego and at times it is very hard to deal with. Even before Alzheimer’s I had to plant my feet and pushed back at times. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. While  I don’t have any answers, I do understand.  Sending hugs and prayers.

dayn2nite2

I've had to block news and the crime channels from my cable service so I am not subject to paranoia and delusions about those 2 subjects.