Heartbroken Daughter

adayatatime

My Mom was diagnosed several years ago with dementia.  She is my best friend and my world. I am divorced, no children, she means everything to me.  My Dad tries to take care of her and I spend days with them when I am not at work. We can’t afford outside help. She still remembers us all but forgets rinks from one minute to the next. What can I do for her?

DrinaJGB

Be present.

  And as for your dad, give him a break once in awhile because he really needs it. And tell them both how much you love them. They are very fortunate to have you as their daughter.

SusanB-dil

totally agree with DrinaJGB - 

and sometimes being there is enough.  Is there something specific?  Could you maybe listen to music with her, and reminisce what memory a song may bring back?   A lot depends on just how much she can do, yet.

JJAz

The best thing to do for Mom is for you to take care of Dad so that he can continue to care for Mom.  Make sure that his physical and mental health needs are taken care of.

Cyndisaunt

I have found that I do activities that I enjoy to keep us both entertained. 

We play simple card games (she can still play canasta and dominos most days). 

I tried bringing puzzles, but she finds those frustrating now

She sits beside me while I crochet an winds my yarn into balls. I did not start this she just started making balls out of my globs of yarn that my son or cat made a mess of

Chair yoga. If she is up early before I start work we do 10 - 20 minutes of chair yoga following a video I play on my laptop for us. She used to go to the senior center, but now that her driving is limited I started doing yoga at home. 

I still take her to the senior center for an activity and her volunteer job of folding newlsetters and adding stamps. 

I always hug her when I arrive and before I leave, touch is very important for all of us. 

Hugs to you all.

cyndi

SusanB-dil

Agreeing with the posts - hope you have some answers you are looking for.

Cindysaunt - still driving?  From what you've posted about her possible level, Please don't let that turn into a crisis! 

Lindsay22

I'm so sorry.  I don't know what to say really, my mom was my best friend too.  I am her only child, before she was ill we spoke on the phone every day, we took trips together, she came to my friends' birthday parties, we shopped, we went to dinner and a movie, I had dinner at her house at least 2x a week etc. She's late stage now and in MC.  She has forgotten everyone else but me.  She is losing words but last night I walked into her room and she said my name.  It's not much but I know I am the only anchor left in her mind, the only thing she still knows.  That's all I have to offer her now but it's something. 

I am so so sorry, it's truly heartbreaking. 

GothicGremlin

I would say take the time to really listen to her. Help her to feel completely safe with you, that she knows you've always got her back.

In my case my sister was terrified that if we placed her in assisted living or memory care (she's in memory care now), that we would forget all about her.  She's said to me many times that she's still a person. By always listening to her concerns, she's felt comfortable telling me the painful things I might not want to hear (like her fear that we might forget about her, or stop realizing that she's a person worthy of being respected). Sometimes a lot of that gets mixed up in a word salad, but I can almost always figure out what the message is that she wants me to hear.

I can't fix most of what's going on with her, but I can fix smallish things, like making sure she has her favorite sweaters, favorite treats, making sure there are lots of lights since the dark scares her, etc.  And for the things I can't fix, at least she feels I've heard her, and knows I will do my best to make sure she's as happy as she can be.