front door flashing privates

Farm Gal

Help! What can I do to get my husband from standing at the front door and flashing and playing with his privates to everyone who is driving or walking by.  We live in a rural community with house real close and a lot of people out walking or driving by.  

I've tried distracting but he is so focused that there is nothing I can say or do to get him to stop.  Of course his sundowning starts with wanting intimacies with me.  He can't do anything and can't remember 2 minutes after trying and wants to do it again.  I've given up and just totally ignore him when he asks for it.  

But now this at the door!  Is there any meds -- natural remedies or prescriptions to calm him down and forget about sex? 

harshedbuzz

Farm  Gal-

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Buck and Buck sells adaptive clothing that looks like a regular outfit but is one-piece and closes up the back so he can't undress.

Back-Zip Jumpsuits - Jumpsuits - Men's Clothing Adaptive Clothing for Seniors, Disabled & Elderly Care (buckandbuck.com)

In terms of dampening his sex drive, it's hard to say. Some people find SSRIs have this as a side effect. Dad was on one and was receiving androgen deprivation therapy for prostate cancer (so zero circulating testosterone) and was still obsessed with talking about sex. 

HB

Rescue mom

There are meds that can/often help with this, but they’re prescription, which means a doctor. Do you have one; has he been diagnosed with a dementia?

The clothing is a great move.

Farm Gal

Yes I have tried the back zip jumpsuits.  Hubby went into a near panic attack because he couldn't figure out how to get out of them to go to the bathroom.  I had to quit putting them on him.  

He is on a SSRI prescription -- mirtazapine.  Maybe I will talk to neurologist about increasing the dosage.  He currently takes 30mg every evening.  

Farm Gal

Yes, Rescue Mom,  He was diagnosed 6 1/2 years ago with Alzheimers and we do see a neurologist.  I will send a message to him next week.  

I realize that this behavior will probably stop in a few weeks because he seems to run in cycles with it but I was horrified when I caught him at the door.  

Buggsroo

Hi Farm girl,

My husband rushed outside to pick up two parcels that were lying on the sidewalk. He was naked at the time and to up the stress level; we live across from a school. I had a little chat with him, he is to tell me if I need to pick things up outside. Because he has dementia, and he has also flashed our very nice postman, I try to be the one to pick up the mail.

I can sympathize with the sex aspect, a little pill might help, antidepressant or some other such thing. My husband is on .25 mg of risperidone and he is a lot more manageable. Good luck.

M1

FG mirtazepine/Remeron is good for sleep, maximum dose is usually 45 mg--but adding something else like Seroquel or risoperidone will likely have more effect on the sexual behaviors.  Definitely discuss with the docs/neurologist/whoever prescribes for him, and don't be embarrassed to tell them very specifically what he is doing at the door...and that he is bugging you for sex too.

Marie58

You got some good suggestions. In the meantime, since getting an Rx usually doesn't happen overnight or on a weekend, can you somehow block the door? For example, if there's a window he's standing in front of, could you cover some of it up from the outside? Maybe black plastic and tell him it's to keep the cold out. If he's opening the door, could you put a chain lock up high? Sometimes they don't look up and maybe then he couldn't open the door. Just a couple thoughts. Good luck!

Farm Gal

I hate to start the stronger drugs although the Neurologist has said he will prescribe them if necessary so it might be time to start them.  

I really appreciate all the tips and info.  

dayn2nite2

I’d rather start a drug than have the cops come arrest him because a child saw him.  There won’t be any leniency because of his dementia.   Big legal problem, very expensive.

Jo C.

So glad you are going to call the Neurologist asap first of the week regarding the inappropriate behaviors that have ramped up to a significant degree.   This sounds like a frontal lobe issue and there are indeed meds to assist as has been mentioned.

Truly sorry you are experiencing this on top of having your own personal space being violated and having to persistently keep trying to turn him around away from yourself and the public displays.  I can imagine it must be exhausting.

Do let us know how you are and how things are going; we will be thinking of you.

J.

RobertsBrown

I have no idea about any of this, but on reading it I had to wonder....well, what if you provided a place where playing with himself was OK?  If there were girly posters in a back bedroom, would he prefer to go there than the front porch?  Or video porn?  I feel a little funny suggesting these ideas, but maybe creating a more desirable choice would move your problem to a more acceptable location.

harshedbuzz

Farm Gal-

Remeron is a NaSSA not an SSRI. Some docs choose it because one side effect is perking up the appetite. Perhaps an SSRI could be added to the mix, perhaps not. I found the geriatric psychiatrist to be better at the management of psychoactive meds than dad's PCP and neurologist. 

Is he opening the door directly to the outside or is there a door with a "glass" panel? If there's a storm door or entry door with a glass feature, perhaps one of those frosted cling films would be enough to prevent passers-by from realizing what he's up to.

Frosting film for glass at Lowes.com: Search Results

Ed1937

I'm very sorry this is happening. I suggest you read the replies again, and consider all options. Come back to let us know how the problem is progressing. We're here for you.

abc123

Day2nite is 100% correct about the law. Please be careful. I'm sorry this is happening. My mom went thru a stage of flashing her breast.

Farm Gal

Harshed,  I already have some frosted  non see through clingy film that I could put on the door.  It is a full length glass storm door so I will do the lower half.  

Roberts, Your suggestions are something I would never consider.   Immoral behavior like that would only ramp up the problem.

Day2nite,  I didn't realize that the police wouldn't take into consideration the dementia.  Thanks for letting me know.  

I will let you all know how what the neuro does and how we get along in the next few weeks. 

dayn2nite2

The police won’t be the problem, a prosecutor and the community will.  The police will have to arrest, it will be a sex-related charge, especially if a minor sees.  Parents and courts will not be understanding-you do not want to spend lots of money on a criminal attorney.  Get a doctor to prescribe whatever it takes to stop this.