How to stop LO from opening new accounts?

Cyndisaunt

Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions or experience you have had with your LO opening accounts without your knowledge? 

My aunt with early dementia still drives and will go to the bank teller to withdraw cash. Some times a lot of cash, in my opinion, but I rarely carry cash anymore. 

One day she closed her bank account with one bank and opened a new account at a bank across the street. While opening the account she told them how her niece (that is me) has been stealing from her so she has to change banks to get my name off her account. Only the person stealing was her, she just did not remember she withdrew the cash and then hid it in her house (usually the same spot) so now I can help her look and make sure she finds the cash she claims I took from her. 

She has some vivid hallucinations and becomes frightened of me which we can usually talk through.

My question is how have you handled this? I am more vigilant now as to her coming and going, but she still has very "typical" days where she drives a few blocks to a friend's house and this is when she will venture on to the bank or Post Office. She has opened several PO Boxes. 

I have tried talking to the person who works the PO, but she has also heard my aunt's stories and feels she is protecting her from me... and the bank tellers have reacted the same when I walked in with my aunt and let my aunt do the talking to ask that they change her bank account into my name. They refused. I am working on getting notarized Power of Attorney and becoming the representative Payee (RP, social security), we are going in a few days to the notary and are in the 15 waiting period for the RP. 

Even with these documents I have had resistance from the bank and her financial planner. We had a power of attorney, until she burned the documents in her wood stove, so now I know that I need to keep the originals in my safe... we live and learn. 

Thank you for any thoughts, suggestions and shared experiences you have to respond.

Cyndi

sandwichone123

Getting the legal paperwork comes first, and then getting access. I put holds on my pwd's credit and got myself added to the bank accounts. Then, the day the $$ arrives I transfer it out of their checking and into savings online until I can get there to move it out of their account entirely. As long as they can physically get to the bank it's very difficult. I just cancelled the last credit card today and am hoping to get it out of the wallet very soon.

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MN Chickadee

I would second seeing an elder law attorney. If you haven't established a relationship with one do so ASAP. They can make sure all documents are air tight so that there isn't any question with banks etc. They can also help with the very important step of long term financial planning for her care. Does she have a diagnosis by a doctor? This will likely also be key to enacting your power of attorney. I wonder if her car could "break down" for the next few weeks so she can't go anywhere without you while you sort out the finances and see the attorney? The car part is taking a while to get here, but don't worry I will take you anywhere you want to go in the mean time. 

It sounds like her judgement and hallucinations may mean she should not be driving at all, and maybe that part never does come until she forgets about driving. 

Once you have proper/legal rights to control the finances, you will have to find work arounds and finesse the situation. Therapeutic fibs. Some people have to forward mail to a different address for a while. Make online accounts for every bill and account you can and stop paper statements. Freeze her credit so she nor a scammer can open credit in her name. Meanwhile telling therapeutic fibs. Don't try to reason, logic is useless now. Validate, soothe, apologize for things you didn't do if necessary. 

sandwichone123

I found out that freezing credit was way easier than I expected online. If I'd known it was that easy, I would have done it months ago!

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BassetHoundAnn

One of the things that I did with my mom to curtail the bank craziness was to sneak the driver's license out of her wallet. Banks require a picture I.D. to open new accounts, and sometimes to withdraw money. When she found the license was gone from her wallet and protested, I used one of those I.D.-making web sites to create a bogus "State Special I.D. for the Elderly." I added things like American flags and holograms to make it look official to her. But no photo of course. I added to it a note with my name and phone number, explaining that if she should present this I.D. I should be phoned. She was thrilled with the card and never again asked about her license. She had stopped driving by that point, and I was trying to get her into a memory care facility. But I was worried that she would call a cab or walk to a bank branch from her assisted-living residence as she was threatening to do. She was threatening to withdraw all her money and take a cab to her former home a hundred miles away. 

The eldercare attorney I was working with calmed me a bit by saying that in his 30 years as an attorney only once had someone with dementia withdrawn all their money from their bank account. 

I didn't get much help from the banks even though I had durable power-of-attorney. I asked them to put a note on her accounts specifying that I should be called if she were to show up but they didn't want to do that. Others have had better luck getting banks to do this, I think it depends upon the branch and the manager. 

NonnieD

It's been a while since I have posted and things are progressing. Two months ago Mom (92) was caught up in an $18 mil scam where she was to send $15,000 to the scammer who would then send her the 18 mil.  She went to the bank and drew 2 checks for $7500 each and included a personal check for $15,000.  In addition the scammer told her she owned a jewelry store and if Mom send some samples of her preferred jewelry, scammer would send back $50,000 worth.  Mom included about $15,000 worth of jewelry including family heirlooms etc.  We walked into Mom's house, she had her coat on and FedEx envelop in her hand to go mail the items.  After long talks and police involvement, changing bank accts, phone numbers, blocking calls etc, etc., the scammer sent a taxi to Mom's house to pick her up. Mom did not go. I now have her checkbook and have all financials/bills mailed to me.  Fast forward - we took Mom to a reputable gerontologist who was wonderful!!  She diagnosed Mom with dementia and is attempting to determine which kind.  She suggested brain MRI, driving test and that Mom move to assisted living.  A week later, Mom is refusing to go back to the doctor because she didn't like what she was told and will not have anyone directing her life.  Mom liked the doctor when we left the office. She is refusing MRI but says she will consent to driving test. Even more vehemently is against moving to assisted living.  I explained it was a suggestion, not a mandate.  Doesn't matter, she now doesn't like the doctor and will not go back.  She is very strong willed and has her heels dug in so deep that I don't know where to go from here.  I have 1 brother, totally on board with me but lives 1.5 hrs away and it seems as though Mom may be playing my brother and me against each other.  We know we need another intervention with all of us around the table. Any other ideas??  My apologies for such a long post.

Cyndisaunt

Thank you for all the ideas and kind words.

I have an appointment with and elder law office on Monday while my aunt's friend is with her. I am overwhelmed by all I have been learning.

I am learning as I go... tomorrow is a new day and all that...

Cyndi