Getting defensive

Gmom28

My DH has been very defensive lately. No matter what I say he gets angry and tells me I'm wrong and that's not what he said. He then has a mean attitude with me. He claims I said something that I never said. How do you handle these out-bursts?

Buggsroo

Hi Gmom,

I find my husband gets defensive, angry, argumentative if one tries to reason with him. Through trial and error, blow ups (mine), I have learned to just agree with him or answer in a non confrontational way. I do the silent scream in my head a lot, the eye roll out of sight etc. just to keep my own sanity. Good luck, but maybe have a chat with your GP if he becomes agitated or aggressive towards you.

RobertsBrown

Gals ain't guys, but when my gal got negative with me i used to try to talk her into a better place.  It was generally a waste of time, but then I shifted to the new plan.

She HATES my helping her in the bathroom, but she can't manage without help, so it just makes her pissed at me for a few hours.  During that time, anything I suggest or offer gets a 'no' and a reminder that I am not what I used to be, that I am a bad man, etc. and so on.....but I just agree with her and then she does the thing she said she was not going to do.  "I don't eat food" gets an 'OK' from me, and then she eats her lunch.  "I don't go up there" with regard to coming upstairs to bed gets an 'OK' from me, and then she comes right up.  I just offer zero resistance, and then she follows the standard plan.

I have no idea if this would work with men.

Gmom28

Thank you, I always write things down for both our GP and Neurologist. I also do a lot of mumbling but need to be careful, sometimes he hears me. I'm going to try the "count to ten" rule also.

Gmom28

Thank you, all these are a great help. My only problem he needs my help with so many things since he also has PCA which is getting worse. But I will certainly try just agreeing with him and see how that goes.

harshedbuzz

With the progression of the disease, he may be having delusional thoughts which could be helped by medication. I would ask for a referral a geriatric psychiatrist for a trial of medication.

Ed1937

Logic does not work. Begging does not work. Threatening does not work. Do not argue is my best advice. The possibility of medications is another good option. If you have to get it out of your system, do it privately, not in front of him. Good luck to you.