Being useful

MerriMom

My dad takes pride in taking out the trash. He knows that Tuesday is trash day. We just got him a digital clock that has the day, date and time and the temperature on it in large print. He came into the kitchen with his coat off wanting to take out the trash before sunrise this morning. Then he came back out when it was becoming daylight and I told him that I was about to take my girls to school. I told him to wait until after I got home. As soon as I pull into the driveway he’s going out the back door. I sat there waiting for him to take out the trash and go back in the house. Why can’t he just wait?!

harshedbuzz

Please read Understanding the Dementia Experience.

This is an example of how PWD live in the moment because they are not oriented to time (technology like the fancy clock- we tried one, too- are meaningless), don't have the working memory to recall your request/agreement and lack empathy to appreciate how their actions impact others (i.e. potentially making you late because he wants to do something now).

HB

MerriMom

“ The above strategies  are difficult to do when you are feeling an enormous amount of grief at the situation in which you find yourself and your loved one. It is important for you to find support in your grieving, to have people to talk to who will help and support you as you dwell with this disease.” 

Just because I read the article, doesn’t ,are it easy for me to put its suggestions into practice. Especially when I am dealing with both my dad and my own 2 children. 

mommyandme (m&m)

Not having my mom realize that I need her to work with my schedule for a moment or be aware of my needs once in awhile is very frustrating.   It’s sad and just makes me recall her narcissism when my past role was being her daughter,  and not her caregiver.  

All we can do is try and really adhere to them.  With your children’s needs being top priority, you may need a sitter when you can’t be there to supervise your dad.  He just can’t or won’t understand sooner than later,  so it may be time.  

So sorry. 

Rescue mom

They lose any concept of time pretty early, IME, here and IRL support groups. An hour, 15 minutes, “real quick” or “wait 20 minutes” all cease to mean much. They can see a clock, but they don’t always comprehend it. 

At the same time, they lose empathy, and don’t think of how their actions/concerns affect others. 

It’s what happens for many/most people with this disease. Trying to get them to “understand” is like trying to teach a blind person how to read a book, as someone else here said recently. Their brains are broken, they simply can’t do that any more. They don’t think about how things may be hard for a caregiver. Yes, it is very very hard. It stinks. But here we are. I cannot imagine dealing with small children and a parent  with dementia without a lot of other help.

Laura4yoga

The link below is to “ Careblazers” website. When you have some time take a peek! This Neuropsych Gerontologist has some very good and easy to understand educational resources. I have found many of Dr. Natalie’s videos very helpful to better understand dementia behaviors and how I need to adjust MY behavior, NOT THE PERSON LIVING WITH DEMENTIA!  

Take care of yourself too! 

https://www.careblazers.com/about-careblazers