Help breaking the news it’s time to move to assisted living

MizRuby

Hello all-

I had a talk with my Lo’s neurologist the other day and he says it no longer safe for her to live alone.  I agree. The only option I have is to move her into assisted living of some variety. 

We have discussed that this would have to happen in the abstract future, sadly that future is now.  She is very aware and communicative. The issue is her lack of judgment has become dangerous and she’s having issues with medication taking and remembering to eat. 

I want to show her there will be a bright side to not living alone and being so isolated.  She really is a social butterfly and I think will flourish once in a community. 

Thoughts? Conversation ideas?  Experience doing this. I will be having the talk with her over lunch tomorrow and I could use help. 

Thank you. 

Gig Harbor

Approach it as a very desirable opportunity that a lot of older adults don’t have due to a lack of money. Tell her that she has worked hard all her life and she deserves to be pampered. Tell her that if she doesn’t want to clean her apartment or change the sheets it will be done by someone. She will no longer need to cook or shop for groceries - lucky her. There will be activities, trips to places, possible wine tastings and lots of new friends to meet. Really stress how lucky she is to be able to do this.

Ed1937

Gig has it right. Keep selling it as a positive. The town might also have found that there is a risk living where she is because of major structural problems, and she must move until it is fixed, which will take quite some time.

Tfreedz

Definitely agree with the other posts. For my mom who was very opposed, I said let’s just try it out and see how it goes. I also to,d her I would be there everyday until she was comfortable. Fortunately I had the activity list ahead of time and spoke about how much fun it would be to play bingo again and how it would be like a resort with the list of meals and activities. She was definitely hesitant and afraid she would be a permanent resident but I kept reassuring her that if it was truly awful, we would come up with something else. 

Mom has been there a week and already I’m having a hard time visiting because she is always at a new activity with another new friend. My mom is also a very social person and she is flourishing in her new environment. I felt so guilty not keeping her home with me, but now I see how boring and isolating it must have been for her compared to what she is doing now. Yesterday I stopped in and she was watching a movie and eating popcorn with her new friend Sue (who seemed way more advanced but mom didn’t care). She had no idea what the movie was called or what it was about but didn’t want to interrupt it for a visit, lol. I gave her a hug and said I would be back in awhile. 

The hardest part is the anticipation of the change of environment for them and for you. I spent the weekend before the move setting up her room with pictures,tv,cozy bedding,toiletries and her favorite snacks. The day she moved in, I spent the entire day with her, walking her to and from meals and activities. She was confused and nervous not knowing her way around or the routine but found out everyone was friendly and helpful. At this point your job is to soothe, comfort and reassure your loved one that everything will be ok.

I hope your lunch today stays positive and the move is accepted!

billS

When I moved my wife into memory care eight days ago I made up the lie that her doctors wanted her to be in a place where she was under constant observation by health professionals for a few days so they could evaluate her medications for any needed changes. She readily accepted that and seems to have adapted quickly. The key thing to remember is that once you get her moved, the staff take over and offer constant comfort and support. It is what they do and they do it repeatedly with new residents. Between helpful staff, the social interaction with other residents and frequent activities new residents are at least distracted and likely very much more entertained than they were in their previous living situation.