Started day care today

sandwichone123

I took my dh to day care today for the first time. I'd been telling him he needed somewhere to go where he could be around people, and that I had "a friend" that might need some help. When we pulled into the parking lot and he saw the sign for Senior Services, he said, "I do not like this. One little bit." 

So I dropped him off and went to work. We got out early because of snow and I picked him up. They were really cheery, as dementia care workers tend to be, and I took him home. He did not speak one word until we were in our driveway. Then he said he didn't like "that place," that they'd given him one small enchilada for his lunch and it wasn't enough. And that the live music was too loud. Mostly he hasn't talked all evening. I think he used up all his words for the day. 

Joydean

Did he say anything about the other folks he meet? I hope he will start liking it better the most he goes. Maybe tell them he needs more for his lunch. Best of luck!

sandwichone123

He said half of them couldn't talk at all, but he didn't say anything about the others or the staff beyond perhaps, "they're nice enough." I planned to work from home tomorrow with the assumption he'd be too tired to do much after a day of socializing. He hasn't been around a social group since his work group was sent home two years ago, before all this.

Marie58

I'm sorry he didn't like it, but I hope you keep trying. It was a life saver for me when my DH attended a few hours per week, prior to covid. Then it closed down. Now he lives there and I think going to the day program helped him adjust so well when we moved him there over a year ago. Anyway, give it time and hopefully he comes to accept it as just part of his routine. Blessings

French

 At first, my partner told me that he didn't do anything at the day care, that there wasn't much to eat, that the others were really old...

When after 4 days, we went for a check-up with the neuropsychologist, as soon as we entered, I saw the big smile on his face and he started joking with the staff. Unbelievable, not at all what I thought about what he was telling me.

So not only do you have to wait a while, but maybe you shouldn't trust what your husband says. 

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Vitruvius

I second what French said.  My DW attends a day program for 4 hours four days a week.  I started her with 2 days a week. She often acts very reluctant to go, sometimes resistant. The program people tell me she is an active participant and seems to enjoy herself. I finally came to the understanding that it wasn’t about the program per se, it was that she didn’t like leaving me, and seemed to resent my not wanting to be with her every waking hour.  

sandwichone123

I was talking to my dad about it this afternoon and realized that until it's part of the routine it's going to feel strange and "wrong." He spent supper tonight explaining to me that he's not going back to "that place." I didn't argue, but he is. Tomorrow, weather permitting.

Thank you all for your feedback. I know it's the right thing to do, but it's been more emotionally draining than I expected.

Cherjer

I went through the same thing with my DH. We went one day a week (can only go M/T or Thurs/Fri) and when I picked him up he would be so angry or crying. Now he is more mellow at the end of the day. I really don't know what he does there as can't go in due to Covid but even if he does nothing he is around people. DH does nothing at home...not interested in tv, games, etc. NOTHING! So going to Alzheimer Family Center gives me a break two days a week for four hours. When home just paces but will sometimes go on walks. I wish he would at least  watch TV  but no!