Placement going better than I could have imagined

billS

I placed my wife Fern in memory care 10 days ago and during the first three phone calls she sounded at least content if not happy. There have been no complaints, and no awkward questions about how long she will have to stay there.

I just had phone call #4 with Fern and she sounded more cheerful than ever!! It was so reassuring to hear the happiness and energy in her voice. She said she is doing lots of activities and twice mentioned how much she is enjoying the people. There was lots of pleasant chatter in the background. I asked whether she needed more clothes or things for her room and she said no, she had plenty of everything. I told her I will visit on Monday and she said she is looking forward to that. I am so pleased, she seems to be getting the social contact and entertainment she has been missing at home. Wow, I could never have dared to hope for this outcome. Now I am confident that when I visit in person Monday things will go smoothly. 

M1

Bill this is SO good to hear and I know you must be relieved.  What a load off your mind and heart.

Ed1937

That's great! I think that happens more than we realize.

mrl

Bill, I'm so happy for you,

Sincerely,

Michele

David J

Wow Bill that’s great!  I hope this validates your difficult decision to place her. You are providing he best possible care! Bravo!

Gig Harbor

I am happy for you and I have to admit I am a little jealous. My husband is months away from needing placement but it is so boring and lonely at home while he watches his TV shows. 

billS

Thank you all for your kind comments. Yes, I am greatly relieved and feel the tough decision was the right one. Fern is getting the attention and activity that I could not provide her, and I am getting much needed sleep, relief from stress, and have most of my life back. The huge bonus is that she seems to be not only accepting placement but thriving there, a big win for both of us. 

I will report back Monday on how my in-person visit went.

abc123

This is very good news!

Joydean

Bills I am so happy for you and your dear wife! It truly is a win win!

toolbeltexpert

That sounds great, I am praying your visit Monday is a pleasant one.

Joe C.

Bill, It is great news that she is acclimating so well. I know first hand what am emotional relief that brings.

Stuck in the middle

Thank you for sharing your good news.  I know this will help some others who are struggling with this decision.

billS

Well my visit did not go exactly as I expected. When I arrived she was sound asleep and gentle nudging could not wake her up. Staff said she had not slept much at all last night so I left and did some shopping and when I returned she was out of bed and putting on her shoes. I greeted her but she did not seem to react much or recognize who I was. I helped her to the bathroom and then outside for a walk around the courtyard where she alternately wanted to sit down, then get up and walk more. She was unable to hold up her end of a conversation, same as at home but even more so. She seemed well acclimated to the facility but was just really in a fog. After an hour I took her back to her room and put her down for a nap while I questioned the staff about how she is doing. They reported the same behaviors I experienced with Fern at home, but they all seem to have tremendous patience and are very caring. I will try again tomorrow, but in the morning when I expect she will be more present. 

So in the plus column, I am getting great sleep, am under much less stress and have my freedom back, while Fern is in a very safe environment with lots of social interaction and close attention, and she did not express any negative feelings or ask why she was there or whether she could come home. I will try to get a better idea of how she is doing tomorrow morning. But I am more convinced than ever that this move was best for both of us.

M1

Glad for the update Bill. Hope tomorrow's visit goes well. Sounds like your instincts were spot on.

Jeff86

As you know Bill, every day is different and unpredictable for PWDs.   Hope your DW is more responsive today.   

It’s terrific that your visits have reaffirmed your decision.  

Ed1937

Bill, thanks for the update. Sorry your visit wasn't a little better for you, but it sounds as though being there will not be a problem for her. Hopefully she will be more "with it" with the next visit.

David J

Hi Bill- Your visit with Fern sounds like what I have been doing experiencing with my wife (4-1/2 months in MCF). Some days I can’t budge her out of bed, and some days she is up and running when I get there. Based on my observations of other residents and discussing with staff, this is normal behavior for some PWD. Keep us in the loop.

Dave

billS

Today's visit went much better. Unfortunately Fern had a minor fall earlier this morning due to her vertigo, so now she is using a walker full time. She is apparently not sleeping much at all, instead wandering the building and moving things around in between short naps. So she is subdued but in good spirits overall. I managed to get a few chuckles out of her. 

During her wanderings she had accumulated quite a few of other residents' clothes so I sorted through her closet and had Fern fold everything that was not hers and give it to a staff member. We then walked around outside for a bit, then sat in comfy chairs in the sun. Fern had a good long nap while I rubbed her back and held her hand. Without exception staff members remarked on how well she is doing. And at no point has she asked me how long she has to stay there or asked anything about home, our dog, or how I am doing. So it seems she has accepted the MC place as her new home.