How to convince LO to let home companion in the house

4Mickey

Hello, I've got 2 questions about home care:

First, my dad has recently reached the stage where he needs someone in the house daily, at the very least to make sure he's taking his medication. However, he insists he's taking it and refuses help of any kind. I've been advised to tell him that having someone stop by daily would be helpful for my sister and me so that he thinks it's good for us and not just him, but he doesn't recognize that we've even been helping (he thinks he's done all the cleaning and laundry on his own). I've found agencies I'd like to interview to get the ball rolling – does anyone have tips about how to get him to agree to this? My fear is that he'll be furious when they show up, and that even if we get to the point where I hire someone, he won't let them in when they arrive.

Second question is about paying the home health agency. My sister and I have recently gotten POA, can anyone advise about next steps?

Thanks so much!

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SusanB-dil

Your question about letting caregiver in - What works for us, is that DH hours are more flexible than mine, and he lets the person in before he leaves. MIL has 'sort-of' gotten used to her being there.

Also - I have seen some posts where telling PWD that they are helping the caregiver... maybe tell him the person needs couple extra $, so you/he are helping them, or even that the person is studying for homecare, or certified-nursing, and needs to get some hours in (or even 'volunteer' hours - if that would go over better with him).

jfkoc

Here is what not to say in any form/way "someone is coming to help take care of you"...lol

SusanB-dil

jfkoc wrote:

Here is what not to say in any form/way "someone is coming to help take care of you"...lol

Whooo boy!  True.   For us, there would be fireworks.  We tell her 'We don't want you to fall, or have a stroke again, and not have any assistance'.   (we don't call it 'someone to help')  This only works because she does know she had a stroke and fell.  

Adding edit - And if someone else needs an extra (i know it wouldn't work in all cases, but maybe help someone...): If she does push the issue, on occasion she might - we can also add that it is doc's orders - and again 'so you don't fall or have a stroke without someone here'...  sometimes adding that 'doc's orders' sounds like it gives a little more authority to her.

and at times, she has insisted that she needs nobody there (has always been after careperson has gone for the day) and we tell her that she should then talk to her doctor, would you like us to call her for you tomorrow?  (of course, tomorrow it is forgotten, but we would be able to call if necessary - never does get to that point)

harshedbuzz

There are a couple of approaches that might work depending on dad's personality.

What never works is breaking the cardinal rule of Dementia Fight Club- attempting to reason with a PWD. I'm not surprised making him needing a "babysitter" for your comfort was a fail. You need a work around.

Some thoughts-

If he's a "helper" by nature, introduce the situation as an opportunity for him to help a person down on their luck or who is still in training to complete their internship and certification. 

Some folks have had luck introducing the person as a cleaner or laundry person- sometimes this can be sold as an indulgent treat for someone who worked all their lives.

"Doctor's orders" can work, too, if you dad is someone who considers them an authority figure. 

A few folks have had luck telling their LO the visits are part of Medicare and that refusing them puts their coverage at risk. 

Other people have introduced the caregiver as their own friend and had the "friend" meet them at dad's for a social visit a couple of times to get dad to warm up to the person and then having the "friend" just stop in. 

HB

LevisHouse

This is what worked for me: I had the caregiver come for a few days and hang out with me. I told my aunt it was a friend of mine who needed a break from her job (really important to not wear scrubs!). They quickly developed a relationship - the "companion" didn't do any housekeeping, etc in those first few days - just visiting and pretty quickly my aunt loved having the companionship. So far this is working...