what to expect(3)

buckeyenut

We made the decision today to move Dad from AL to MC. It was a tough choice but we need to what's best for him. Just reaching out to see what we should expect as far as his behavior/reactions are going to be...help!

SusanB-dil

Hi buckeyenut - Sorry, i do not have much experience, yet - but from what i've seen on other posts, it pretty much depends on his personality and also how it is presented to him.  Very often, there is a time of adjustment, and most PWD seem to settle in very well.  

I notice that a lot of times, the room is set up beforehand, and when the time comes to move, just move him right in as if he's been there a while.

My brother did that for my mom, and she took right to it.  They have activities matched with folk's abilities, and she is safe, but also happy and content. (brother watches out for her, and we (DH & I) watch out for MIL)

GothicGremlin

Hi buckeyenut --

Everyone is different, but I can tell you what happened with my sister when we moved her to memory care a few months ago.

She was mightily against it and viewed us moving her there as a punishment. She kept asking me what she had done wrong (kill me now). I tried to reassure her that she'd done nothing wrong and that she just needed more care than I could give her. There were a lot of tears.

On move-in day, me, my s.o., and a couple of family members and friends moved all of her stuff to the room while another one of her friends kept her distracted elsewhere.

When the room was ready we brought her in, and initially she liked it.  She was happy to see all of her stuff (all of the non-expensive stuff, I might add). Then she hated her room. There was a meltdown.  We stayed away for about a week - I know some stay away for longer, but that wasn't needed in our case.  The staying away was really hard because I knew Peggy probably felt like we had abandoned her.

As of today, Peggy likes memory care. I've asked her what she likes about it and she tells me that the people who work there are all really nice.  She also likes that they do karaoke. So for us, so far, so good.

I guess another thing that was key for Peggy was that she was worried that her friends and family would forget about her. I assured her that no one was going to forget about her. And that's been the case. People go see her all the time.

My advice would be to figure out if your dad has any fears about memory care and then proactively eliminate them.  It might make for a smoother transition.

ADH77

I too have heard a wide range of experiences. I moved my mom from her home to memory care about 4 years ago--a significant adjustment as she went from her quite large home she'd live in for 40+ years to a one bedroom space in a facility. She had adamantly resisted going to assisted living before I moved her (and assisted living wasn't even an option anymore given her cognitive decline). So I was braced for it to go badly.

Much to my surprise, the move went well. I used a moving company that specialized in moving seniors to pack up and move her stuff, as well as set up her room. They did this on the morning of moving day while my husband and I took my mom out for shopping and lunch. Then we took her there and I explained that she needed to stay there for awhile until she got better (I of course knew the move was not temporary, but I didn't say that). She seemed to accept it and was n't angry. I communicated this with a lot of love and tenderness, which I think helped a lot.

And then, she forgot she was in memory care, which, given her Alzheimers made sense. For the first year or so when I would call, she would tell me that she was in a retreat center that she said she kept a room in and was visiting for the week with plans to go home on the weekend. And that was the story for a long time. So it worked out great from my perspective. Much better than I could have hoped for.

I wish you best of luck with your move. It's a challenging process both logistically and emotionally.