My mother has locked me out

SL001

My mother has exhibited many signs of dementia, has very impaired hearing and vision. She has not been diagnosed with anything as she has refused to see a neurologist or similar in the last 10 years and she can pass as having capacity. 

She started accusing me and my daughter of being against her and eventually restricted access to me and my daughter to the house that we shared for the last 24 years but is in her name. I am in the process of trying to get guardianship, but it seems that I may not get it as two out of three evaluators have said that she has capacity.

My mother has been delusional for years and I have ignored it for years, but now she is living alone, we have no family or friends that can access her and if I am not granted the guardianship it is just her alone at home waiting for an accident or worse. 

My mother will not speak to me and I have not spoken to her for 4 months, I miss her and I don't know what I can do towards communication and easing her off of the belief that I or my daughter are against her. 

Please Help. I am taking care of myself, but who will take care of my mother. 

We have no legal documents for health care proxy. My mother had signed one for me to be the proxy years ago, but it only has 1 witness signature which I have been told is invalid as they need 2. 

Thanks

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harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome.

IME with guardianship, the judge ordered an evaluation which led to a diagnosis. In our case, the PWD had obvious issues with IADLs around money management. If you previously managed this, it would be one place for evaluators to look- are utilities on, is food in fridge spoiled, etc.

Even if you don't prevail, you likely have rights as a tenant in this situation which might work to your favor.

HB

King Boo

Who are the individuals who said she had capacity?   A lawyer or primary care physician are really not the people to document this.

Generally, a double consult is needed.   One with a PhD Neuropsychologist who specializes in dementia and does cognitive testing to sort out the areas of deficit, insight, executive function, etc.   This information assists the Geriatric Psychiatrist MD.

It also helps if you are there for the evaluation.  My appears kind of together but not really LO presented far better in function than he was.    Since I was there as a (mostly) silent observer, I was able to pose a few situations and questions in the presence of the Psychiatrist that were big time, heavy "reveal" questions.   Within two comments and responses from my LO, the Psychiatrist changed her optinion and said "I will give you proxy"

Without me there, it would not have had such an outcome.  

Jo C.

It may be helpful to speak with a Care Consultant at the Alzheimer's Assn. 24 Hour Helpline that can be reached at (800) 272-3900.  If you call, ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant.  There are no fees for this service. Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics.  They are very supportive, have helpful information regarding dementia dynamics and can sometimes help us with our problem solving.

J.

SL001

Hi there, 

Thanks for your response. I do have an elder care attorney, and in our state of Florida the court assigns 3 evaluators to evaluate her over Zoom. She is still alive yes, so she has not had a serious accident in the last 4 months, but I also know that she eats little and showers even less when she is not prompted. 

SL001

The individuals that said that she had capacity were the court evaluators and her appointed attorney was there heavily pushing that she had capacity. She has not allowed me back into the house and we lived in a gated entry community she notified that gate that I should not be allowed onto the property without calling the police. 

So I would not be allowed to be present at an evaluation, and she made many false accusations against me in one of the evaluations which I don't think she would have ever said if I were present, but it is almost like in a private Zoom evaluation the LO can say whatever they want not to end our in AL or MC which she would really need. 

The night I left the police arrived at the house with child protective services threatening to take my 8 year-old daughter because of complaints that my mother made that were unfounded and untrue but they still insisted that I had to leave. Although my mother has dementia she was able to go though a series of actions to get me and my daughter out of the house, so she would not have to do anything - I technically left voluntarily with the clothes on our backs and items in my car. 

I was never a tenant as I didn't pay rent, I paid the property tax and other major expenses but never had anything on paper saying that I was part owner which is how my mother wanted it and when I brought up planning she said that I wanted her to be deceased. 

This is so hard to be without her and not knowing what will happen next.