retiring from caretaking

Crushed

My therapist tried a new tack with me a few months ago.  She said I had retirement anxiety based on being a retired caretaker.  Caretaking was an all consuming "job".  even the first few years after placement I was confident she "needed me".  Eventually that was simply not the case.   Its and interesting shift in how to look a the world.

Stuck in the middle

Crushed, I have heard of that but can't recall where. It makes perfect sense to me.  A psychologist told me years ago that mental health requires work, play and someone to love.

Based on that, it appears you need to find a new job and I need to plan for one a few years hence.  Not for pay, we don't need the money.  Good luck.

A. Marie

Hi, Crushed. I'm more of a lurker than a poster myself, but I always look for your posts. 

I too am pretty much in the "retired caregiver" position now, since I placed my DH in an SNL 8 months ago, and the staff is doing the best they can with him (given the personnel shortages that are rife everywhere). But I too am struggling with the issues of "what's next?" and finding a new role, other than checking in frequently to make sure that DH is well cared for. Best wishes to you in your tough place, from me in mine.

Jeff86

I think that’s a great insight.  

Good retirement planning doesn’t only mean making sure finances are sufficient to support oneself.  It also requires thinking about what’s next.  You retire Friday, have a great retirement party, then you wake up Monday morning with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Caregiving is the ultimate workaholic 24/7 job.  Handing the primary responsibility over to. MCF leaves an enormous void.  

I am still working as well as caregiving, in part because I enjoy working but also because I haven’t adequately answered for myself what’s next.  But I think it’s going to be around finding purpose or meaning, significance, in service to others.  

Caregiving is hard.  Interesting to contemplate that not caregiving, or less caregiving, is hard too!

jfkoc

I did not realize that my being a caregiver had been my "employment" until my husband died. I was out of a job.

That, in some respects, could be easier than being in "semi-retirement". It could truly be some form of emotional limbo.