MIL in MC advice

udpt82

Hello,

In September, my elderly FIL (who has cancer) moved in with us and my MIL moved into a MC 15 minutes away.  I am hoping people can give me advice from experience.

• My MIL obsesses over things, often (but not limited to) why can't they live together and they are not giving her the evening meds, and is constantly complaining to my FIL.  This worsens at night as she sundowns.  Many months ago, she did get her pills at night, but was switched to each morning.  I am curious if anyone has found a creative way to leave reminders for their LO.  It would have to be something she could not remove and hide or throwout.  The only thing I can think of is to hang a picture frame (that can not be removed without tools) near her telephone.
• My MIL has always written herself notes and lists.  Now, it is out of control.  She keeps slips of papers everywhere and insists she needs to write things down.  If we find some (when she is not looking) that are no longer relevant like old med names or the phone number of a previous residence, we get rid of them.  She also has some notebooks and printed emails around her room.  Unfortunately, these notes sometimes create issues.  For example, she finds old medication lists and insists it is current and she should be getting them OR she thinks she is being given a med that has been discontinued.  Can anyone comment about their LO writing so many notes (often wrong) and what they do?

I apologize for the long post.  This is my first time posting here and appreciate any advice.

Thanks.

PlentyQuiet

I can't help with the notes, but perhaps with the evening meds. If she is firm that she is to be taking something at night can you try a placebo? Tic Tacs or some other non choking hazard candy? She will have the need met and you will not have to try and convince her otherwise.

May flowers

My FIL did that with notes and lists - had post-it notes on the walls, tables, in his wallet, everywhere. We went through his whole house while someone took him out to eat and got rid of the ones that were wrong, and left the ones that were correct, including lists on computers. I actually think writing the lists was a good thing for him, just wanted to get rid of the misinformation.

dayn2nite2

The placebo med at night is the winning answer!!!  Either a candy or a gummi vitamin, just something, should calm this particular obsession down.  I would continue to get rid of troublesome notes to herself.  How is she printing emails?  If she has access to a computer and printer, shut that off.  If she wants to write herself notes, let her, it expends energy and she feels it's productive for her.

toolbeltexpert

Udpt82 you're on the right track.  My dw makes a list everyday. But she sometimes adds something and it becomes  an obsession. Then I have to sneak around and find everyone  and just like magic problem  solved. This can also happen with objects as well same answer. Her short term is so short I can pick it up as soon as she sets it down and turns around and just like magic.  I like the advice about the placebo that should work just fine..  sorry you have to be here but you're in the right place.

May flowers

Your post reminded me too - we got rid of calendars. It was a constant source of anxiety for him - he would stare and stare at them and try to think he had something coming up.

Same for bills, he got very obsessed over them, called us over and over about them, and often misplaced them. We ended up having all his bills either sent to us or changed all to online payment. Then every month we printed a list of bills we paid and showed him along with his bank statements. Eventually, he lost interest.