New here(51)

Ladywolf

I'm new to this. I am almost 60 and working, taking care of a husband with MS and my mother with Alzheimer's. I had to make the decision to put my mother in a nursing facility about 8 months ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, besides having to preplan her funeral. I have 2 sisters who could careless so I was left with the responsibility of taking care of my mom.The guilt, pain, and depression is almost too much to bear at times. 

Luckily we have a nursing facility very close to our home so I can visit her almost daily. It breaks my heart everyday. She doesn't know time, she doesn't remember her home although she begs me every few moments to take her there. when I ask what color her home is, she describes a home she lived in when she was 9. She's always says she's lonely, but doesn't want to be around people. The nurses are having a hard time getting her out of bed or to eat. they have began giving her high calorie drinks due to weight loss. Her memory is much worse as the evening goes and it's hard to leave her. She doesn't want to let me leave because she says she is so scared.

I sometimes sit in my car and just cry. There is no one to turn to. I don't want to burden my husband since the stress can trigger the MS. No one understands. I don't mean to bother anyone here, I guess I just need to vent. Its a blessing that I still have her and I should be thankful, it is just so hard to watch her slowly slip away. 

M1

Welcome to the forum, this is a good source of support. Have you considered asking for a hospice evaluation? It would be extra resources for your mom. You can call yourself or ask the nursing home about it.

dayn2nite2

Hey there, welcome.  Is she getting an antidepressant at all?  If she is, perhaps the dose needs to be raised or even changing the med and trying something else might work.  

I agree also with having a hospice evaluation.  When my mom qualified for hospice, they had a massage therapist who would give her a massage for her neck and shoulders and also her contracted right arm.  The chaplain would come and see her and he would connect with her by singing TV theme songs like "The Flintstones" and other songs from years ago.

JDancer

Welcome, Ladywolf. This is the place to vent, no need to apologize. We understand. This is a very supportive and helpful community; I hope we can offer you some comfort.

mommyandme (m&m)

No bother at all! We are all in this together it seems. I have found this support forum so helpful, you are not alone here.  

You have a huge burden to carry by yourself.  Try to give yourself a break.  I’m so glad your mom is close enough to visit often.  Your husband and mom are so lucky to have you to care for them. I wish you had more support from family.  I am also on team “get a hospice evaluation”. If she qualifies, the added layer of support you and your mom will receive should be very helpful… it is for me. 

So glad you came and so sorry you find yourself here. 

Love&Light

Ladywolf welcome. This forum has been a lifeline for many of us. Never apologize for sharing your experience.

 We are here, and we understand.

Ladywolf

Thank you all so much for being so kind. This is such a difficult time. I have mentioned hospice to the nursing home, but they keep telling me to wait. I've had care meetings with them and suggested maybe giving her a basket of towels to fold or something to make her feel useful. They think its a great idea however it never happens. 

Although she has been there since Oct of last year, she has never adjusted. Yesterday I took her rocking chair from home to put in her room. I am hoping that makes her a bit more comfortable or familiar to her surroundings. 

She has not been given depression medication as of yet although I have suggested it. I get the feeling that they think I'm a bit demanding when it comes to my mom. I just want to know she is taken care of and safe when I'm not there. 

Thank you all so much for the support. God knows I need it. I feel so alone, isolated and the guilt is overwhelming.

Ladywolf

Thank you for being so kind. My prayers are to everyone here. I thought I was alone, but I see that there are many out there going to through the same thing. God bless us all.

M1

Ladywolf, if they are dragging their feet about hospice there's no reason you can't call yourself.  Staff at facilities are so overburdened right now they may be glad for you to shoulder this one.

mommyandme (m&m)

You can get a hospice evaluation without the facility’s approval.  Not sure why they wouldn’t want that in yours and their corner.  Hmmmm?

Nhat Hanh Follower

First time using the site.  Wife has "capgras" syndrome or "imposter syndrome".  Does not know who I am.  Thinks I'm someone from her past, but certainly not her husband.  He seems to be in the wind most of the time.  Has anyone heard of these syndromes.  Wife is currently taking Seroquel for hallucinations.  Currently working with psychiatrist and neurology department at MGH Brigham.  Help!