Family has no clue

Macmommy04

Our mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for about a year. I have a big family (I am one of 8 children) and only a few actually help with our mom. One of our sisters would come from out of town every other month to stay for 1-2 weeks and give the two here doing everything with mom some much needed relief-until this past October. Our mom accused her of stealing a “naked babydoll” from her. Our mom forgets conversations literally within 2 minutes but for some reason she has not forgotten this issue. She has been very mean to our sister and said some hateful things to her and refuses to let her come stay with her again until she brings this imaginary doll back to her. While it is very hurtful to our sister she knows that this is not our mom. The problem is our one sister that refuses to help out-the one that lives literally 5 minutes from our mom, but can only “stop by” to visit with her once every week or so for one hour (and has gone as long as two months without seeing our mother when she has to drive by her house every single day on the way home from her job) insists that we need to “confront” our mother about her treating our other sister like this. We have explained to her over and over again that this is not mom this is the disease and it’s only going to get worse and confronting her on this will only agitate mom and make her worse. She has said this multiple times and I am about at my wits end-I fear this is about to cause a giant argument in our family. Help! 

LicketyGlitz

Hmmm. You know how you come up with some fiblets for the tough issues you may be working through with your dementia person, well, you may need one for your sister too. Tell her you did confront her, Mom apologized profusely and now everything's great. If she's not going to participate in her mother's care, and make the rest of you crazy with the second guessing, just give her what she wants to get her out of the way so the remainder of you can do the job with less hassle.

I'm sure other's will have better suggestions! I just found in our journey that it was hard enough without the impediments of those who wouldn't listen and accept reality.

I hope you get a good solution for you all!

Quilting brings calm

I agree with Lickety.  I also suggest that you show your mom some baby dolls from a toy website.  Ask her which one looks like the one your sister supposedly stole.  Once she picks one out, buy it.  Have that sister bring it to mom and ‘apologize for the mix up’.   It’s your mom’s reality, just fib and go with it,

Rescue mom

Ditto to what quilting and Lickety said. We also had one family member in denial, wanted to “confront” the LO with dementia about behavior, had many criticisms, yet would never visit or do anything hands-on to help.

 It was much easier when we stopped expecting or asking that person to do anything, and did not discuss problems or issues with them. It’s hard enough without that kind of drama, things actually got easier without them.

mommyandme (m&m)

Yes, have your sis bring a new and maybe improved baby doll.

Sorry for the hard times!

DrinaJGB

DH was on life support in a coma for weeks in 2010 due to a rare and deadly form of encephalitis. Sister hijacked his inheritance. Had to hire a lawyer ( in addition to juggling agonizing four months of hospitalizations, rehab, memory loss, personality changes, career loss, etc)...

 Still waiting for resolution.Puts a whole new spin on the saying "kicking a man when he is down."